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Death Boat

by Archives October 30, 2007

Death Boat is not your local, Montreal scene band. Although they are slightly incestuous in the way that most larger bands are, Death Boat is by far the most epic as they have all played together in assorted Montreal scene bands.
Let’s start the rundown. There are nine members. Three guitars, keyboards, two drummers, a bassist and some other assorted characters involved in the act. The stage, when they do the live performance thing, is as elaborate as the band. The stage is shaped to resemble the front of a boat and they also have assorted props that are involved in audience interaction.
Need I mention that they are LOUD? They look like they are 80s metal, sound like even older metal and are influenced by punk rock.
You will need a mental picture/disclaimer of this band’s live show to go with this interview. They’ve got silly names, “special” costumes and baroque metal tracks with titles like “Dungeons and Drag Queens” and “Lesbian Tsunami” that tell the tale of how the Death Boat came to be. The music is so epic that it actually made me want to run through the streets defiantly punching the air for the whole afternoon.
Even if you are lame and hate metal, watching these guys trip all over themselves while laying down flaming guitar licks and singing “Double team, it’s the punchline/Cut me in, my bone’s ready for sex-time/I dock the boat right on the beach/The Captain’s first we get one time each” is pretty spectaular.
I got to have a few chats with two band members that go by Moppy and Slappy. Yeah, that’s one more thing I forgot to add. They wrote a story that is up on their Myspace page that explains the intertwining relationships that occur on the Death Boat. Captain Boneface runs the ship and Moppy and Slappy don’t like him too much. They also think he is gay.
You can check that stuff our at www.myspace.com/deathboat666.

What goes into putting a Death Boat song together?
Slappy: A lot of alcohol, that’s our lyric juice.
Moppy: Lyric juice, drugs, you know, trips to the clinics uhhhh.. Cables, like you got a lot of cables. Some are long, some are short. We plug them into guitars and other speakers and we make a song.

What are you talking about?

Moppy: Our cables, man. There are some short ones that we put into other things and sounds come out of em. Some sounds we like, but other ones we don’t. The ones we like, we keep em, but the ones we don’t like, we just don’t use em.

Oookaaayye, what should we expect from the show?

Slappy: We put as much effort into making it over the top as possible. We hope people are blown away… There’s going to be a lot of stage props. A purple curtain. Two drum kits.

What’s up with your lyrics? They’re pretty gross.

Slappy: We do get extremely drunk when we write the lyrics; we try to find the funniest lines. Some fans love us for our lyrics-they take it really seriously. Those people are deranged. We try to follow the Death Boat story as much as possible. If you listen to the songs in order, they tell the story. We are not that good at reading or writing and stuff and we were trying to write a song and someone said, “ass-mom.” We were looking for words that rhyme with it.

What rhymes with “ass mom?”

Slappy: That one took us awhile to come up with. What did we end up with?
Moppy: I think it was car bomb.

How would you describe the crew’s dynamic?

Slappy: There’s like two different boats. We got some friends on our boat. There’s Slappy and me, there’s Balls McGee and The Admiral, Skullfucker, he’s on our boat now. And the Old School Lady, she’s a little clingy. The other boat has like BoneFace, he’s a jerk, and like, Skippy, he’s kinda weird.
Moppy: He’s a sexual predator. He’s fucked up, dude.
Slappy: You’ve also got Crappy von Shit Pants. He’s the baby.
Some of us get along with each other and some of us don’t get along so good and we fight all the time. Mostly Captain Boneface, he’s a [insert swear word of choice]. He makes us do shit that I don’t really like that much.

Like what?

Slappy: Once he made me do his laundry and I cleaned his pants and it was full of semen and feces and other stuff. This other time I was about to make it with this hot chick and he did it to her first and then I did it with her and I got gonorrhea. So that kinda sucked.

Moppy: Hey, do you have two dollars I can borrow?

No.I don’t. This is a phone interview.

Moppy: Oh.well can I borrow two dollars anyway? Or two-fifty? I will pay you back, I’m just, like, gonna borrow it.

Um, no.

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