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Go Ask Adam

by Archives February 12, 2008

Since their debut in 2006 Justin Warfield and Adam Bravin have been creating music from the darkest corners of their bleeding hearts. Influenced by the shady sounds of the 80s and driven by the treacherous downs of love, the darkwave duo produces more than the average love song delivered in an electro-rock package. She Wants Revenge seductively dances with the lies, betrayal and deceit that love spawns.
Having taken a deep dive into the subject, Adam Bravin plays love doctor and answers your questions about love, Concordia.

My girlfriend fessed up to cheating on me three times. We weren’t officially together the first time, so I guess that time doesn’t count. Anyway, I’ve invested a lot in this relationship and I don’t think I can throw it all away so easily. But I’ve always been faithful and feel that I deserve the same.
She says she realizes that it’s a bad habit, but she will break it for me. I want to believe her. Should I suck it up, forgive and forget? Do you think once a cheater always a cheater?
Cheated Heart

Cheated heart,
Is a cheater always a cheater? It’s really difficult for people to change. Someone would have to be heavily motivated and work really hard at it. Is she really willing? I’m not saying it can’t be done, I’m saying in my experience once a cheater always a cheater.

Dear Adam,
I’m dating jealousy incarnate! We’ve just gone past the six month point and it’s all been sugar and bliss. But about two weeks ago, my boyfriend started requiring a play-by-play. He wants to know who I’m with, where and when. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out! He calls me at least four times a day and when he doesn’t call, he texts me. At this point, I don’t know if this is love or madness.
Jealousy’s Girl

Dear Jealousy’s Girl,
That’s not cool. No one should have to put up with that. If you’re in a relationship with someone, they should feel secure with you and trust you. They shouldn’t have to call you all the time and put you through that. If that’s going on, a long conversation has to happen or it’s time to bounce!

Dear Adam,
I know that everyone’s got a fetish and everyone’s got a fantasy. My man talks dirty and verbally degrades me in the bedroom while we get intimate. At first I played along, but it got old fast. Doesn’t anyone like sweet talk anymore? Do I let him play out his sexual fantasy or shut him up?
Fantasy Fanny

Fantasy Fanny,
Did you say the word “degrade”? You shouldn’t let people do anything to you that you don’t want them to do. Everyone is entitled to try to live out their sexual fantasies, but if the word “degrade” comes into play, maybe someone is not into it. You need to explain that you are not into it and make it stop.

I told I told my girlfriend that I don’t like her friends. Now the lady ain’t so happy. Should I have kept my mouth shut?
Big Mouth

Big Mouth,
Absolutely not. You should always be honest and upfront with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If it were me, I would tell her how I feel about her girls. But sometimes you have to pick your battles. If there are bigger issues in your relationship that you have to deal with, maybe you should keep your mouth shut.

Dear Adam,
I’m comfortable with my boyfriend. Financially and emotionally. He’s become my best friend. But I don’t think I love him anymore on a romantic level. Should I tell him, move on and lose everything?
Miss Convenient

Miss Convenient,
This really depends on how you define a relationship. If the romantic side of what is to be a romantic relationship is gone, that sort of relationship is done and you know it is. If you’ve become best friends then maybe that’s a new relationship to hold on to now. I know plenty of people that while dating became best friends and then stopped dating. They still continue a healthy relationship as friends.

One question Adam,
Do you believe in monogamy?
The Big M

Dear Big M,
It sure is a nice idea on paper. I practice monogamy and it’s something most people can still make happen, but historically, men just don’t seem to be built that way. Men are programmed to continue the species and keep it alive. Guys are guys. It takes a strong person to practice monogamy and commit to it. Monogamy can be done, it just takes a strong person.

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