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Dirt Free for Dirt Cheap

by Archives September 16, 2008

TORONTO (CUP) – It’s your first year living in residence. Your dirty clothes have piled up. But what should you do if you have no money left for laundry?
Break out a condom.
The “loonie in the condom” is a tried and tested trick for cheating the washer. The condom will be thin and stretchy enough so you can stick the loonie into the slot and pull it back out again.
For those of you who don’t have a surplus of condoms and would still enjoy clean clothes, here are some other tips and tricks:
Beg your commuter friends to take you home and let you use their washing machines.
For an environmentally friendly approach – and a tribute to what worked for all those years before electricity – use your hands.
Your sink or bathtub will do nicely as a last-minute wash bin. A bar of soap and a little hot water, plus somewhere to hang your clothes, will complete the home-laundry equation. Just make sure to practice on some less valuable clothes, so you don’t end up with a spotty-looking $50 dress.
Another quick and handy way to deal with some smelly duds is to wear them in the shower. This is no joke. Got a hot date later in the evening? Wear your cool new threads in the shower in the morning and they’ll be ready to throw on for your evening.
Creativity is your friend in this situation; so don’t hesitate to try new ideas. Follow in Britney and Lindsay’s footsteps and go commando. For the guys, try turning your boxers inside out.
The loincloth is also begging for a comeback so why not try that out? Think of the well-muscled men donning this classic fashion statement in the movie 300.
If being hygienic is not all that important to you, there are some ways to pretend that you are wearing clean clothes. Overload on deodorant, antiperspirant and scented body sprays. Taking a walk in the rain can also help downplay the stench of dirty clothes.

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