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Horoscopes

by Archives September 8, 2009

Aries – March 21 to April 20

With the moon lingering in your region of the chart this week, everything will be topsy-turvy. New opportunities will emerge but will they be everything they seem, or will you find just another empty hat? Lying may be a quick fix, but you shouldn’t use Band-Aids when you’ve got a flesh wound.

Taurus – April 21 to May 21

Every day the sun rises and it sets, but not for Taurus. The stars indicate you haven’t been treating your body well lately, its time to change that. Get plenty of greens and plenty of rest. Beware the stranger with who comes with a grin and a pistol on his waster, he’ll have used both before you even know his name.

Gemini – May 22 to June 21

If you feel strained, deal with it, or don’t, but make a decision. Choosing to choose is often the only choice. With Mars the warrior planet lingering in your area of the chart, you’ll be feeling testy this week. But, to quote Talib Kweli, you’re a Gemini so stay on the friendly side.

Cancer – June 22 to July 23

Whose house is this? Where am I? How did I get here? If you’ve been asking yourself those questions lately, its time for a change. It may be difficult to believe, but you’ve found yourself in an unfamiliar place because you’ve been up to the same old tricks. Remember who’s in charge – you – at least for the time being.

Leo – July 24 to August 23

Time to open up the windows and air out your life. They do say the dust is dustier somewhere on the opposite slab, but right now the only medicine you need is no dust at all. A new friend will mean new opportunities, if you know what I mean.

Virgo – August 24 to September 23

Although it finally feels like you’re coming out of your slump, the worst is still to come. Pesky Neptune is lingering in your region of the chart, signalling hardships ahead. You could very likely lose money this week, or even a valued possession. If you feel like burying your head in the sand and trying to forget about everything, go for it.

Libra – September 24 to October 23

You will have to play referee this week. Many friends will come to you with questions and will expect answers. Even if you don’t think you have the answers, you’ll have to dig deep to find them. Play it cool this today, reap the rewards tomorrow, then play it cool again the next day.

Scorpio – October 24 to November 23

A fortuitous occasion will befall you- but beware things that are too good to be true. And with that, run, run away from this shower of good fortune. Later on in the week, take some time off to chew the cud with a mentor and induldge in some Kraft Dinner. You’re worth it.

Sagittarius – November 24 to December 21

You’ve been chasing the same old game for too long now, gotta gotta gotta switch it up. The ascent of Pluto will help you freshen up your regime. It’s not a planet anymore – do you sometimes feel like you’re not a planet anymore, too? Eat your breakfast before you brush your teeth, it tastes better that way.

Capricorn – December 22 to January 20

Would you rather kick a dead horse, hit a snake with a cane or shoot a squirrel with an air rifle? Bad news: you’ll have to do all three this week. figuratively, of course. But there’s always a silver lining; you’ll just have to find out about it the hard way. Jupiter, the planet of plenty, is in your sights. Make the most of it.

Aquarius – January 21 to February 19

There is a time to work and a time to play. For you, this week is play time. Get out there, live it up, take it in. There’s work to be done just beyond the horizon, so take advantage while you can. Call an old friend, they will appreciate the gesture.

Pisces – February 20 to March 20

If at first you don’t succeed, try once again. You’ll make go far with your looks this week, but you’ll be made a fool. Sometimes it’s not so bad to get called stupid as long as you’re looking good. Try your hand at a game of chance.

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