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History Week

by admin November 10, 2009

This has been a rather historical week. The Berlin Wall fell 20 years ago this Monday, Remembrance Day is coming up on Wednesday, and just a year after being elected, President Obama passed historical healthcare legislation that will pave the road for a government-run health plan. In response, this week is History Week where your horoscopes will refer to important historical events.


Aries &- March 21 to April 20
You are November 5, 1605 &- Guy Fawkes Day. Remember remember the 5th of November, the gunpowder treason and plot. They say one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter. I say V for Vendetta was a kick ass film.


Taurus &- April 21 to May 21

You are the First Council of Nicea, 325. Possibly the birth of the modern church. Some people say that the council was the end of the golden years of Christianity, but according to Dr. Pamela Bright, those golden years were full of the usual saints and sinners just like today.


Gemini &- May 22 to June 21

You are the assassination of Gandhi, January 30, 1948. One wonders who would even bother assassinating a 78 year old man, especially someone as awesome as Gandhi, but I guess that’s just how the cookie crumbles. Unite your own India this week, and try not to let Pakistan secede, division only leads to more problems.

Cancer &- June 22 to July 23
You are the moon landing, July 16, 1969. It’s the summer of love, would you rather be at Woodstock or on the moon? For serious. I mean, seeing Hendrix and Joplin would have been pretty cool, but seeing the Earth from the moon, think about it!

Leo &- July 24 to August 23
You are Columbus’ discovery of the New World in 1492. In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Sure he “discovered” it for the Spanish, but the Vikings had already done it, and Native people came here forever ago. Besides, the Ocean isn’t even really blue, that’s the just the sky reflecting on it.

Virgo &- August 24 to September 23
You are Victory in Europe Day, May 8, 1945. What a celebration. Probably the last day so many people were happy at the same time. “Hitler’s dead?” “Yeah!” “And the war’s over?” “Yeah!” “Awesome!” “I know!” Kinda forgot about those Russians though. The Hot War was over, but the Cold War was just beginning.


Libra &- September 24 to October 23

You’re the release of the Thriller music video, December 2, 1983. I know you might not be historical like the moon landing of the assassination of Gandhi, but I mean Thriller was a pretty wicked video. I’d be happy to be it.

Scorpio &- October 24 to November 23
You are the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ, Good Friday, 0 CE. It sucked that he had to go. Like John Lennon you kinda wonder if he would have trailed off or released some even crazier stuff. But, he came back, and now he lives in our hearts, and in heaven, and, well, everywhere!

Sagittarius &- November 24 to December 21
You are the Boston Red Sox’s 2004 World Series Win. What history, what a comeback, what a year. After 86 years the bean towners finally broke the curse of the Bambino. Gives hopes to fans of a certain hockey team that’s plugging away at its own little championship drought.


Capricorn &- December 22 to January 20

You are the Canadian Constitution Act, 1982. Ask most school kids and they wont even know what a constitution is. I personally thought the repatriation was pretty wicked. Trudeau telling the Queen to give us the keys to the kingdom (Queendom). I wonder if Charles would have done it if he’d been the king.

Aquarius &- January 21 to February 19
You are the merger of Loyola College and Sir George Williams University, 1974. I mean hey, without you, I’d be going to University and a whole bunch of you would be at some lame suburban college, so be proud of yourself, 1974 merger.


Pisces &- February 20 to March 20

You are every day. Every step you take and word you say it part of the ongoing progress of human history. Without the present moment, we wouldn’t have the future or the past. Shouldn’t we all be happy about you.

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