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Horoscopes

by admin February 16, 2010

Horoscopes

by admin February 9, 2010

Horoscopes

by admin February 2, 2010

Ambiguous Horoscopes
In this day and age, what with quick, concise communication at our fingertips and nuance seems to have been thrown out with the trash. This week is all about finding hidden messages. Once you start looking, they’re everywhere. This week make everything into something.

Aries March 21 to April 19
You’ve been running on the smoldering road to perfection for years and years. It’s time for you to look for some shade and take a breather under a leafy tree. Drink some water and be still. Your body and mind will thank you.


Taurus April 20 to May 20

Like an exotic plant growing at unnatural warp speed, you have been extending your reach all the way to the sky and stars lately. But beware, do not extend your branches too much or they will snap off into toothpicks.

Gemini May 21 to June 20
You have become a lone wolf, learning intimately from the sparkly winter forest on your own terms. But it is time to ease back into the pack. Never forget the comfort of a cave full of sleeping friends with lots of furry hair.

Cancer June 21 to July 22
Take off that backpack (metaphorically speaking – backpacks are practical) and pick up a spanking new leather briefcase. This is the week of success and accomplishment you have been working towards. Smile big and walk fast; people will be impressed.

Leo July 23 August 22
You are an unwritten song, lurking in the clouds of your creative imagination, waiting for someone to sift through the dust and discover you. Sing while you shower and write some words down while you’re on the bus, it’s breakthrough time.

Virgo August 23 Sept. 22
Tomorrow, put on your favourite brightest summer shirt. Even if it’s cloudy outside. Because it’s been calling to you from the bottom of your dresser since September. If you don’t hurry it may lose its voice – and then where would you be?

Libra Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
You are a strong fish swimming upriver. You don’t know where you are but you know where you are going. Over that log, between those rocks, past that hook. You’re not to be fooled. If you kiss anyone this week do it with fish lips.

Scorpio Oct. 23 to Nov. 22
You are a banana. Trust, embrace, love. The yellow from the banana represents light. Relish in this, get a tan if you can. Because you never know when you will get unpeeled and your mushy soul will be revealed to the world and then be digested.

Sagittarius Nov 23. to Dec 21
As a laptop computer carried around all day, hastily charged, only to be used until it runs dry in the middle of class – you need to spend some time turned off. Darkness and silence will help you focus your thoughts this week. Reboot at the very least.

Capricorn Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
You may feel as though the people in your life are simply voices entering your straining ear through an obstructed telephone. It’s time to hang up and redial. And don’t forget about the number a stranger wrote on your arm at that party last weekend.


Aquarius Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Instead of being the early bird who gets the worm this week you need to be the lazy cat who gets fed by his family in a clean tin dish. Sometimes the best things in life come when we do not seek them out, and ain’t catnip just one of them?

Pisces Feb. 19 to March 20
Put on your boots. Grab your wallet. Walk to the nearest library. Rent a movie based on its cover art. You are the first main character who appears in that movie. This week do your utmost to emulate that character and all of their mannerisms.

I’ve got all the answers to your problems. This week is all about trying something new, or experiencing something that you may not have considered. Don’t be shy; just do it!

Aries March 21 to April 19
Since you are a fire sign, this week I want you to set fire to something. Maybe a candle, maybe a misguided cooking attempt, maybe somebody’s heart. Valentine’s Day is coming up, you know! Take a chance. Now’s the time.

Taurus April 20 to May 20
Known for keeping important things to yourself, this week I challenge you to open up to someone. It might be easier to play it safe but that’s not what life is about. Instead of writing on your anonymous blog, tell a real person. It could be incredible, but no blaming me if it sucks.

Gemini May 21 to June 20
You already try out lots of new experiences, so this week instead of doing a little of everything try do a lot of one thing. Hone your focus and build something big. That cookbook, sewing kit, craft box, or website template is calling to you. Don’t let it down.

Cancer June 21 to July 22

You are a “moonchild.” Spend some time with the moon. First do all your urgent homework, then stay up all night and make friends with the night. You will be surprised how much will happen in the isolated hours of dark that will change your days. Just make sure your bed is warm, clean and waiting when the sun comes up.

Leo July 23 August 22
Always trying to be the centre of attention, you need to give someone else a chance to dazzle. Instead of telling every story, let the other person who was there be included in the glory of your escapades in the Plateau. You might notice something important you’ve been missing.

Virgo August 23 Sept. 22
You enjoy caring for the people in your life. This is all well and good, but what about you? Take a look at how much time you spend on yourself. An afternoon spent alone going through all your stuff and dancing around in your underwear may be just the thing you need.

Libra Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

You are a dreamer, often drawing pictures in your mind of happily ever after. This week live your life right now. Don’t think ahead if you can help it, pay attention to what you want to do from moment to moment and do that. Be careful not to go to far by being excessively reckless.

Scorpio Oct. 23 to Nov. 22
You have the potential to do amazing things, but sometimes your drive to win is your downfall. Instead of looking straight to the top of the mountain this week appreciate the pretty leaves on the walk up, or the company you keep. Yes, you have to walk up Mount-Royal, and no, I don’t care how cold it is. Bundle up, baby.

Sagittarius Nov 23. to Dec 21
Ultimate optimist, this week do what you do best and take a risk on a whim. It will work out, especially if it involves a cupcake, a hairbrush and $2. Don’t ask questions, get people to follow you on your journey and you may create new, meaningful bonds.

Capricorn Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Being the stubborn little goat that you are, you’ve either been focusing too much on school or partying A LOT. Make a conscious effort to balance your life this week; your energy will stabilize and an A+ or magical kiss on the dancefloor could be waiting for you.

Aquarius Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
You’ve begun to notice that people often say you’re crazy. This better not bother you though, crazy is good. Harness your insanity this week by not holding back. Talk to a stanger and allow them to see your eccentricities. If they don’t like your leopard print one piece, they’re not worth your time.

Pisces Feb. 19 to March 20

You have a history of being a dramatic romantic. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. But this week try to look at the rational side of the pizza. Instead of getting caught up in which toppings you want, try to emulate the smooth simplicity of a well-cooked crust, with cheese, of course.

Ice Queen horoscopes
Winter is back with a vengeance this week, which I’m sure you all know, so this week each and every one of you are representing a part of l’hivers in Montreal. Bundle up Concordia!

Aries &- March 21 to April 20
You are a shovel. Essential when an impromptu snowstorm hits the city and you need to be able to walk more than a few steps past your front door. Work hard this week and don’t let the windchill stop you from keeping busy.

Taurus &- April 21 to May 21
You are a snowflake. Unique and beautiful, don’t let anybody tell you no – they don’t know what they’re talking about. Have some fun during the next snowfall by sticking your tongue out and catching some free H2O.

Gemini &- May 22 to June 21
You are winter boots. Smart, confident people wear you at all times when there’s snow on the ground. Silly, “fashionable” people don’t even own you because they prefer to freeze their toes off running around in heels on a Thursday night. Try to be one of the smart ones this week, the security of warm feet will free you. Climb Mount-Royal and appreciate the view of snow-capped Montreal.

Cancer &- June 22 to July 23
You are a toque. The staple of every Canadian’s winter wardrobe. You provide safety and warmth to the people who wear you. This week someone close to you needs you to be their toque. Telling signs will be red ears and lack of hat hair. Comfort them well.

Leo &- July 24 to August 23
You are the dirty road slush. The kind that makes people’s socks wet when they wear sneakers “cause it looked sunny outside. You aren’t going anywhere and people aren’t happy about it. But don’t apologize for anything this week. Without you kids would have nothing to splash in to annoy their parents.

Virgo &- August 24 to September 23
You are the lost mitten. That one mitten you lost at Igloofest last week. All you have now is the mitten that you didn’t lose, which is more frustrating than losing both of them. This week try to find yourself. Make lists, write essays, read the stuff posted on Moodle for that class you almost forgot about. You don’t want to end up covered in dirty snow.

Libra &- September 24 to October 23
You are a toboggan. Basically you have to go toboganning this week because you need to get out of library. Play it safe though by making sure you go in a big group of people – a couple of whom are drinking less than you.

Scorpio &- October 24 to November 23
You are a snowman. Big and jolly, you are an emblem of happiness in bleak winter months. Follow your nose this week and eat healthy – there’s no better study snack than a few carrots with special sauce (ketchup and mayo). And spread the word.

Sagittarius &- November 24 to December 21
You are a scary shuttle bus ride. You terrorize children and professors by speeding around slippery corners. Bearable when late for class, but just plain scary otherwise. Instead of tearing through life this week try taking a walk on the less wild side. What you find will surprise you.


Capricorn &- December 22 to January 20

You are road salt. Characteristic of the big city you ruin everybody’s favourite shoes by fulfilling your purpose. Instead of focusing too much on your goals this week remember that the means to the end affect the people around you. Take care.

Aquarius &- January 21 to February 19
You are a sleeping bear. While hibernating in your apartment might seem like a better alternative to venturing into the great outdoors, it’s not. Just because it’s cold outside doesn’t mean things aren’t happening. Wake up and get out there! Or you might find yourself getting very fat and hairy.

Pisces &- February 20 to March 20
You are a warm beverage. Hot chocolate, tea, and all that other good stuff that keeps us cozy on cold days. But make sure not to burn anybody’s tongue this week; overheating is bad news. Maintain a balance between all the different aspects of your life this week and your slurping will be pleasant.