Ambiguous Horoscopes
In this day and age, what with quick, concise communication at our fingertips and nuance seems to have been thrown out with the trash. This week is all about finding hidden messages. Once you start looking, they’re everywhere. This week make everything into something.
Aries March 21 to April 19
You’ve been running on the smoldering road to perfection for years and years. It’s time for you to look for some shade and take a breather under a leafy tree. Drink some water and be still. Your body and mind will thank you.
Taurus April 20 to May 20
Like an exotic plant growing at unnatural warp speed, you have been extending your reach all the way to the sky and stars lately. But beware, do not extend your branches too much or they will snap off into toothpicks.
Gemini May 21 to June 20
You have become a lone wolf, learning intimately from the sparkly winter forest on your own terms. But it is time to ease back into the pack. Never forget the comfort of a cave full of sleeping friends with lots of furry hair.
Cancer June 21 to July 22
Take off that backpack (metaphorically speaking – backpacks are practical) and pick up a spanking new leather briefcase. This is the week of success and accomplishment you have been working towards. Smile big and walk fast; people will be impressed.
Leo July 23 August 22
You are an unwritten song, lurking in the clouds of your creative imagination, waiting for someone to sift through the dust and discover you. Sing while you shower and write some words down while you’re on the bus, it’s breakthrough time.
Virgo August 23 Sept. 22
Tomorrow, put on your favourite brightest summer shirt. Even if it’s cloudy outside. Because it’s been calling to you from the bottom of your dresser since September. If you don’t hurry it may lose its voice – and then where would you be?
Libra Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
You are a strong fish swimming upriver. You don’t know where you are but you know where you are going. Over that log, between those rocks, past that hook. You’re not to be fooled. If you kiss anyone this week do it with fish lips.
Scorpio Oct. 23 to Nov. 22
You are a banana. Trust, embrace, love. The yellow from the banana represents light. Relish in this, get a tan if you can. Because you never know when you will get unpeeled and your mushy soul will be revealed to the world and then be digested.
Sagittarius Nov 23. to Dec 21
As a laptop computer carried around all day, hastily charged, only to be used until it runs dry in the middle of class – you need to spend some time turned off. Darkness and silence will help you focus your thoughts this week. Reboot at the very least.
Capricorn Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
You may feel as though the people in your life are simply voices entering your straining ear through an obstructed telephone. It’s time to hang up and redial. And don’t forget about the number a stranger wrote on your arm at that party last weekend.
Aquarius Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
Instead of being the early bird who gets the worm this week you need to be the lazy cat who gets fed by his family in a clean tin dish. Sometimes the best things in life come when we do not seek them out, and ain’t catnip just one of them?
Pisces Feb. 19 to March 20
Put on your boots. Grab your wallet. Walk to the nearest library. Rent a movie based on its cover art. You are the first main character who appears in that movie. This week do your utmost to emulate that character and all of their mannerisms.