Aries &- March 21 to April 20
Find out which animal you most resemble – facially, physically, etc., and try to emulate its way of being. If you’re squirrelly in the face, go stuff yourself up with nuts, if you’re fish-headed, stay in your bowl, and if you’re a tiger, take what’s yours.
Taurus &- April 21 to May 21
Mighty bull is no mightier than mighty bullfrog when he leaves his horns at home. Mighty river is mightiest in the shallows, where big rocks bring it to life. Mighty man knows no mightiness, for it can’t be known in the doing of it.
Gemini &- May 22 to June 21
You will see through cheap advice and silly gimmicks this week, through the interwoven layers of deception, towards some greater truth. It’s subtle isn’t it, that truth, subtle, yet so very intricate. Contemplate it for a minute.
Cancer &- June 22 to July 23
People often use the metaphor of a ship at sea to describe the project of nation-building – the ship of state they would say. You should start thinking of life as the ship of you. What kind of ship do you want to be? Where do you need to get?
Leo &- July 24 to August 23
My roommate keeps a “word of the day” page a day calendar on the shelf beside his door. Not only does it help him learn new words, but the new words shape the way he lives. Do you have anything that helps you learn and guides you?
Virgo &- August 24 to September 23
Cost is relative. Something isn’t worth anything if nobody is willing to pay for it. That’s the basic principle behind the law of supply and demand. I know it’s sad to realize that market forces determine our lives, but sometimes you just have to play the game.
Libra &- September 24 to October 23
OK, Libra, so here we are. Everyone knows where each other stands, but what on earth does it all mean. Impasses like this don’t usually get solved, should this one be left to stagnate like the others, or is there more to it?
Scorpio &- October 24 to November 23
Reverse yourself on a pivotal decision, and use humor to explain your flip-flopping. That way, everyone will be like “ha, you’re so funny!” rather than “you fucking flip-flopping hypocritical bastard,” or other alternatives.
Sagittarius &- November 24 to December 21
My dog is the most handsome little puppy that ever was, but he’s terrified of cameras or anything photographic. So here’s this ultimate chick magnet, cutest dog ever, but I can’t even show him to people. Still, I’d rather save some things for real life.
Capricorn &- December 22 to January 20
If you wake up at noon and want pizza for breakfast, you can get a hot, fresh lunchtime slice and nobody will be the wiser about your unhealthy lifestyle, but if you wake up at 9 a.m., there won’t even be any pizza anywhere. Easy choice huh?
Aquarius &- January 21 to February 19
Nobody can decide what will happen to you this week but yourself. You’re in a strong position, but its not the most ideal. Sometimes I really like letting others decide for me. But you’re the decider now, so take action.
Pisces &- February 20 to March 20
I recently saw a magnified picture of a vinyl record and a compact disk. The CD looked like some alien code way up close like that, weird little dots. The vinyl, on the other hand, looked like you were hang gliding through the grand canyon. That’s all.
You share a birthday with…
Oct. 5: Kate Winslet, Patrick Roy, Ray Kroc
Oct. 6: Amy Jo Johnson, Elisabeth Shue, Le Corbusier
Oct. 7: Rachel McAdams, Simon Cowell, Archbishop Desmond Tutu
Oct. 8: Matt Damon, Sigourney Weaver, R.L. Stine
Oct. 9: Brandon Routh, Sharon Osbourne, John Lennon
Oct. 10: Mya, Brett Favre, David Lee Roth
Oct. 11: Luke Perry, Eleanor Roosevelt, Henry John Heinz