Kentucky Fried Chicken has been called the nutritional equivalent of smoking crack.
As I walked in the door, the smell of deep fryers and chicken grease made me tingle in anticipation. Now, if I know anything about drug addicts, it’s that anticipation is practically half of the thrill.
The KFC Double Down (or “Coup-Double” as you’ll see it publicized here) arrived two weeks ago in Canada, carrying enough sodium to make you wonder if the six months it took to get here was because of problems at the border.
The definition-stretching “sandwich” is composed of bacon, cheese and mayo sandwiched between two hulking KFC original-recipe chicken breasts in lieu of bread. They had to put a sleeve around it just so you can grab it without your hands getting covered in grease. It looks like something a caveman would eat.
I can just hear the announcement at the beginning of a boxing match: “Coming in at 540 calories and 1740 milligrams of sodium, packing a salty punch and an uppercut to your digestive system…”
Yes, it’s true. A whopping 1740 milligrams of sodium are contained in this gut-busting behemoth. It sounds like a lot, and it is. Health Canada recommends 1500 milligrams of sodium per day. This thing tops that in a single meal.
I stopped off at a KFC on my bike ride home last week and picked one up for a hefty $7.58. I can honestly say the wheels on my bike were spinning a whole lot faster the rest of the ride home as I had the Double Down stowed away in my backpack, awaiting its destruction.
It’s crunchy, cheesy, gooey and calorie-y all in one bite. The cheese melts harmoniously between the two chicken breasts, while the bacon and “Colonel sauce” tag along for the ride. I’m not trying to make this thing sound like something from the Cordon-Bleu, but it’s the Cadillac of junk foods. Who ever thought of replacing bread with meat in some sort of sick, twisted bizarro-world sandwich? Is there any order left in this world?
It sounds dramatic, but it really makes you wonder what the world is coming to. I guess it shouldn’t really come as a surprise. With fast-food companies coming up with new ways to clog your arteries every day, it was only a matter of time before someone thought of using pieces of chicken in place of bread. What also shouldn’t come as a surprise is that this “idea” came out of the United States. With an overweight population of just over 66 per cent according to the World Health Organization, who better to invent something so unhealthy, and as a result something that tastes so good. Canada isn’t that far down that list. Do we want to become as bulky as our inventive neighbours to the south?
I always said to my mom, if broccoli tasted like chocolate, I would be the healthiest kid on earth. What I think KFC and the rest of these fast-food corporations need to work on is finding some way to make this possible. Maybe a sandwich made of grilled asparagus and raspberry vinaigrette sandwiched between two original-recipe cobs of broccoli. It doesn’t sound great, but stick it in the deep fryer for five seconds, call it a Broccoli-Buster and you’ve got yourself a sandwich.
These companies are making billions of dollars at the hands — er, waistlines of people all around the world. They have all the resources, money and power in the world. They could easily take the time and effort to make something that is pretty tasty that doesn’t put your scale out in the garbage bin. But they don’t.
I guess for the time being my mom will still have to finish off my leftover broccoli.
