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Nation in brief

by The Concordian January 24, 2012

Balls, we ordered WHAT?
In a tough economy and in the shadow of a national deficit, the Conservatives have been cutting costs across the board; however, somehow an order for 20,000 orange stress balls came through the Department of Defence for the end of March. We can rule out the stockpiling of stress balls to pelt at our enemies in the case of war, because the notice posted for the contract said the balls would be a “promotional item.” The CBC, in reporting the item, noted that the “small rubber balls are popular giveaways at trade shows.” Tight-fisted, newly-wedded Defence Minister Peter MacKay put the kibosh on the order when he got wind of it.

The spy that screwed me
A spy case straight out of a James Bond movie continues to get more mysterious. News has emerged that two staff members of the Russian Embassy left Ottawa a month or more before last week’s arrest of naval officer Jeffrey Paul Delisle. Another two diplomats are reportedly no longer accredited to be in Canada. Experts and sources can’t agree on whether the diplomats were spying. Russia’s foreign minister commented that they were surprised to hear about the Canadian media reports, since the two staffers were scheduled to leave at the end of 2011 as their rotations ended. Delisle was arrested in Halifax on charges that he communicated info that could harm Canadian interests. Sounds like someone at the Department of Defence could use those stress balls now.

Join this jury
London, Ont. Superior Court Justice Kelly Gorman, needing just one more person to complete a jury, called in the cops to help, in her words, “wrangle up” her remaining juror. Local police found 20 people who happened to be near the courthouse last Tuesday morning, and one woman was selected. More than 130 potential jurors were originally screened in the trial of three men charged with assault, threats and forcible confinement. Some were rejected because of personal circumstances and health problems; since the defendants are black, there was a special concern that jurors be able to judge them without prejudice. Gorman told one jury candidate, “I’m sure this was quite a shock.” Her reply: “It was.” What a way to start your day.

The Adventures of Wonder Vag, Pt. 2
Because life in London, Ont. isn’t exciting enough, health officials there are launching the second chapter of a controversial online sex-ed game. The first chapter of Adventures in Sex City featured the infected Sperminator, which fired sperm with its penis-shaped arms at characters like Wonder Vag, a virginal “Barbie-like” hero. The city’s Catholic school board banned it because it ran against its official policy of abstinence, a method only really effective for celibate people. Now Wonder Vag has been captured by her evil twin, Bloody Mary, and placed in a cage in a bar. Unless heroes like the Sperminator, now cured, can rescue her, she will be forced to drink alcohol. Players are asked questions related to sex and risky behaviour. You can learn about safe sex at http://bit.ly/kQYcp, where the new game will be launched on Valentine’s Day.

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