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What NOT to watch this holiday season

by Alex DiMeglio December 3, 2013
What NOT to watch this holiday season

Once you’ve submitted that final essay and sat your very last exam, you can finally watch some of those movies that have been on your radar the past few months. Well, here are some flicks you should avoid like the plague, unless you want your Christmas to become as depressing as Ebenezer Scrooge’s life at the beginning of A Christmas Carol.

Graphic by Jenny Kwan

 

Spring Breakers:

What seems like a typical teen-comedy is actually a mortifying trick. Your body will get stuck in a permanent cringe as you watch former Disney stars stray away from their wholesome images. It would be a disaster to watch this movie with your family, because the minute you see Selena Gomez take a hit from a bong, you’ll surely realize this isn’t anything like her movie Monte Carlo. Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens are all grown up in this film and you should refrain from seeing it, unless you are comfortable getting uncomfortable with your parents. Spring Breakers has enough sex to make make a porn star blush, and drug use and gang violence which makes Crips and Blood seem like they would break into song and dance at the drop of a hat. Discomfort and depression is what you’ll feel with this downer of a movie. So avoid it and keep your personal, awesome fantasy about spring break alive.

 

A Madea Christmas:

Oh good Lord, another one?! This is already the sixth — thats right, sixth — Madea movie Tyler Perry has decided to thrust upon the world. This one huge cliché of a film is about the title-character, Madea, paying a surprise visit to her daughter on Christmas and obviously, trouble ensues. Even though this is a Christmas movie, please avoid it at all costs because if we keep giving Tyler Perry money, he will continue to believe that he is funny. Alas, even if you hang new decorations and tinsel on last year’s Christmas tree, it will sadly remain dead.

 

Evil Dead:

Stupid is a word that comes to mind after only 30 minutes into this film about five friends who summon evil spirits that end up possessing them. The combined IQ of this group must be around that of Brick Tamland from Anchorman, because even inviting Veronica Corningstone to his “pants party” was a better idea than any of these characters had in this movie. You can’t help but get annoyed with these teenagers for being so naive. On top of the frustration, the violence is too over top for the holiday season. So do yourself a favour and avoid this terrible film and just wish this pure evil, dead.

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