So, how was jail? Was it as entertaining as it looks on Orange Is The New Black? Did you meet anybody special? A 300-pound man named Shirley perhaps? Did Selena Gomez leave you a laughter-filled voicemail?
All jokes aside, do you realize how stupid you look right now? Or that you could’ve seriously hurt somebody? Not only were you driving at twice the legal speed limit, but you were high and had been drinking. I don’t care if you’re ‘young and stupid’ — we’re the same age. I don’t buy that excuse.
Now, let’s discuss your fans for a second. I’m not going to lecture you about being a role model or about how impressionable your young audience is because honestly, that’s not your problem. It’s not a 19-year-old singer’s job to teach large numbers of children right from wrong. Parents are supposed to do that.
Your (very dedicated) fanbase was obviously devastated after hearing about your arrest, as hashtags like “#FreeBieber” and “#PrayForJustin” were trending on Twitter. Thousands of teenage girls worldwide are petitioning for the freedom of a stranger who was just arrested for something as reckless as a DUI. There’s something very wrong with that fact.
Then again, we’re talking about the same fans who trended the hashtag “#CutForJustin.” It worries me that they’re so dedicated to you, and that they cannot understand or accept the fact that you did something illegal.
Growing up, I poured over gossip magazines, yet here I am, completely normal. I witnessed some of my favourite stars do incredibly stupid things and I never once thought, ‘Hmm, driving drunk and getting arrested looks fun’! What I’m trying to tell you is simple: it’s time to grow up. It would be one thing if you were still a regular teenager back in Stratford, where you could egg a neighbour’s house or get in a fight, and it wouldn’t be headlining news. Unfortunately, you’re not. You’re an internationally known celebrity, and you know that everything you do is documented and discussed.
I know that you’re young and this is when you’re supposed to make mistakes, but didn’t you learn a lesson after the whole Brazilian brothel debacle a few months back? Or after the many assault allegations? If you really didn’t learn your lesson, then one would think you’d smarten up after egging your neighbour’s house, but you didn’t.
I don’t know about the people you hang out with, but my friends would definitely not put up with me acting like that. Where’s your mother?! Where’s your father? Oh wait, he was right beside you when you got arrested. Maybe we found the problem.
I think it’s time you take a well-deserved break from the spotlight. You’re a laughing stock right now, but it’s only a matter of time until the next celebrity “downward spiral” takes over the headlines. So, what I mean to say is stop being a douchebag, accept the consequences of your actions, and just pray that you don’t get deported. Trust me, Canada doesn’t want you any more than America does.