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Let’s talk about sex

by Sara Baron-Goodman November 4, 2014
Let’s talk about sex

Screw the five date rule—Just do it, or don’t

I was recently having a conversation with a potential male suitor, whose idea of getting to know each other consisted of a round of 20 questions, which culminated in him asking me “what my rules are for dating” more specifically, for a first date.

In his defence, I think he was trying to play by the book and be “respectful” so that he knew my boundaries, but the feminist rage within me boiled up and I told him that that was a stupid question and I wasn’t a character in bloody Sex and the City, before stomping off to get myself another drink.

For some reason, this fairly innocent question touched a nerve. I don’t believe in strict “dating” rules—I don’t live in a “lookin’ for love in all the wrong places” style sitcom, and I think that just as every two people are different, so are our interactions and chemistry in situational circumstances involving the getting together (sexually or not) of any said people.

Sometimes, the fire will just be there from the get-go, and if both parties are consenting adults, I see no reason why they should hold themselves back from following their carnal instincts.

On the other hand, sometimes that spark just isn’t there, and maybe it’ll warm up in time, or maybe it won’t.

Bottom line is, do it if you both want to do it, don’t if you don’t. Know your boundaries in any given situation, but don’t set blanket boundaries based on something a chick flick once preached.

The idea that your potential partner won’t respect you in the morning if you “give in” right away is absolutely ludicrous, and if that’s the case, then let me tell you that person doesn’t deserve your respect either. It takes two to tango.

The entire concept of “giving in” or “giving it up” has a predatorial and misogynistic air to it that doesn’t seem congruent with our supposedly egalitarian society, or rather, the ideal egalitarian society I wish we lived in.

Sex isn’t a non-renewable resource; your sex powers aren’t going to dry up if you do it too early on in a relationship or too much or with too many people. Shocking, I know. If anything, it’ll just keep getting better over time.

Likewise, if you don’t want to sleep with someone—whether it’s the first date or your wedding night—then don’t do it.

The point that I’m trying to drive home here is that it’s asinine to put a general timestamp on when you “should” start becoming physically intimate with a new person. A person’s worth is not measured by how hard it is to get them into bed, and it’s quite frankly ridiculous for society to insinuate otherwise.

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