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Let’s talk about sex

by Frédéric T. Muckle February 3, 2015
Let’s talk about sex

Shall we take this outside [the bedroom]?

Do you picture yourself as an adventurous lover? Someone who would like to try some things that are, let’s say, a bit more daring than the classic missionary? Have you ever looked at an empty classroom, a Ferris wheel bench, a coat check area, a dark alley or a narrow library corridor and told yourself that this would be a neat place to make the physical act of love? Then you have probably thought about or already had sex in public.

Everyone has their own reason for trying it out: for some, the incongruity of it makes it fun and interesting; others may use it as a way to spontaneously and wildly spice things up; but in my experience, pretty much everyone craves the thrill of possibly getting caught.

As an occasional user of public spaces for such racy activities, I have learned important lessons about this sexual behaviour. First, don’t do it in an elevator if you mind being watched by someone bored out or his or her mind by countless hours spent in front of camera monitors. According a well-informed hotel clerk, just because you don’t see the camera doesn’t mean it’s not there. The second, and most notable lesson in my opinion, is that after the initial excitement of the first few times fades away, having sex in public is kind of tedious.

When you strip the whole thing down to its most basic features, the performances that take place in some bar’s bathroom are average at best, but often plainly mediocre. There’s nothing bad about a good old quickie or doing it in incongruous positions, but when the two main characteristics of the intercourse are its hastiness and impracticality, you can’t really compare it to a full-fledged moment shared in the vast and convenient space that is a bed. I don’t know about you, but my best moves need an appropriate milieu in which to be performed. Ever tried it in a tiny bathroom stall, while having to get in and out before the other full-bladdered restaurant patrons start banging down the door, and thought you could perform to your best ability? Think again.

Sure, it’s cool to have this one story about the time you almost got arrested for having sex next to bi-millennial sacred ruins in a foreign country. It’s not everyday that you share this kind of moment with the world, so I’m not saying that public sex is bad.

It’s just that when we talk about such experiences, we often tend to romanticize the moment, to sell it as the most exciting and enjoyable sex we’ve ever had. Rarely do we hear about those pretty awkward seconds when you were looking around, wondering: “so…how are we going to do this?” But hey, sex being what it is, every experience can be as unique and diverse as we can possibly imagine. In the end, in public or in the comfort of your own home, sex is nice. So yeah, here’s a clever conclusion for you.

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