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Let’s talk about sex

by Selina Gard February 9, 2015
Let’s talk about sex

Fifty shades of fucked up—Mr. Grey will abuse you now

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and many of you might be tempted to go see Fifty Shades of Grey with your friends or significant others. But there is something you should know before you decide to go: the movie is based on a book which glorifies abuse and attempts to turn it into something romantic and desirable.

That isn’t to say you shouldn’t go see the film, but you should be aware that although it is marketed as a love story, there are too many instances of abuse for that to be true.

Many women who live with abuse face the kind of behaviour that is glamourized in the series on a daily basis.

Christian Grey is manipulative, controlling and jealous, all of which is seen as sweet and romantic because he “loves” Anastasia Steele.

Before the two characters are even together, Grey begins to demonstrate controlling tendencies. He warns her that, “If you were mine, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday,” because she went out for drinks with her friends and got a little drunk.

This isn’t the only time something like that happens; in fact, there are almost too many instances of abuse to count. Almost every interaction between Grey and Steele veers towards the inappropriate.

Many people may be tempted to excuse this behaviour by saying that it is merely BDSM and that’s how things are.

However, those who are into BDSM know that the motto “safe, sane and consensual” is of the utmost importance, something which protagonist Grey steers as far away from as possible throughout the book series. When Steele uses her safe word, she is ignored.

On one occasion, Steele says that she does not want to have sex with Grey, saying no and “kicking him off,” after which he forces himself on her and threatens to gag her if she makes another noise. The author portrays this as enjoyable for Steele but nobody can argue that this is sane or consensual.

So if you want to go see the movie, that’s fine. Just be aware that this is not a love story but an abusive relationship masquerading as romantic.

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