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Are more cuts to the CBC a bane or a boon?

by Matthew Ceviche March 30, 2015
Are more cuts to the CBC a bane or a boon?

Less is more—especially when you want to do more with less

Word came down over the weekend that the latest in a series of job cuts has taken place at CBC newsrooms and this has some in the media worried. In the face of all this uncertainty, I’d like to alleviate some anxiety by proposing that funding and staffing cuts are not all bad.

Photo by Kris Krüg on Flickr.

For example, less funding means less entry-level positions which will result in fewer hands for grunt work-like fact-checking. This sounds bad, but only to the unenlightened mind. With no one to fact-check news items, imagine the level of trust that will develop between writers and editors; between reporters and producers. It’s like a giant trust fall exercise; isn’t that beautiful?

In addition to cuts, the CBC also announced a renewed focus on niche markets. Citing the ever-growing pet market, CBC Radio One is rolling out CBC Radio Meow. The new station will take over studio Q and broadcast the delightful hubbub of thirty-eight felines. An online report stated: “The CBC wants to provide something for cats by cats, because cats shouldn’t have to listen to people talk when their owners are at work earning money to buy them treats.” I could not agree more, and while some animal-haters might point out that these cats don’t pay provincial or federal taxes, I’d like to draw attention to fact that they’re cute and fluffy.

For those concerned about the wellbeing of such a large group of cats, I can assure you that there’s no need to worry. Shad, the new host of Q, took to twitter to assure listeners that he would drop into the studio on a daily basis to feed, snuggle, and talk with the cats.

One of the most exciting aspects of these cuts is the commitment to the next generation of Canadians. What do our children need? Well, I would think the answer is obvious: they need more Rex Murphy. His name Rex, and that’s a good name for an even better man, and if you’re like me, you may not be sure if you want to live in a future with less Rex Murphy.

The good news is that the CBC agrees. In the interest of providing Murphy’s point of view to future generations, the network has decided to scrap plans for a paid internship program and funnel the money into cryo-stasis suspension research. The CBC is confident that negotiations with Rex will go well, and that advances in medical technology will guarantee Rex’s status as a ‘talking head’ for the years to come. I for one applaud this kind forward thinking and look forward to seeing Rex live on as a head in a jar.

Certain dissenting voices, somewhat shockingly, are hailing these changes as the ‘death of news’ and ‘a blow to democracy’ but I’m not sure what they’re worried about. Fact-checkers are buzzkills, cats are arguably the internet itself, and if Rex Murphy can live forever, maybe the rest of us can too.

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