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Let’s talk about sex

by Sara Baron-Goodman March 24, 2015 0 comment
Let’s talk about sex

Come and go as you please—it’s your right

A little while ago, popular time-vacuum and cheerily trashy lifestyle site The Frisky published a think-piece wherein the writer discussed a romp with a new partner. She had already had an orgasm, needed some time to compose herself, and requested that they stop. Needing a breather, or a refractory period, after an orgasm is a very normal and natural thing, and one would think that this would be understandable. However, the guy this writer was shtupping apparently got quite indignant and chastised her for not getting him off before hopping off. Apparently, that kind of behaviour was selfish and made for poor sexual etiquette—a sentiment that was echoed very crudely and vocally in the piece’s comments section.

The general feeling of these haters was that, while women may not always have an orgasm during sex, and that’s fine, it is the man’s god-given right to come, and any person who interferes with that process is a blue-ball-giving, erection-killing misandrist.

They felt that even though she was done, and physically and emotionally needed a break, she should have gotten him off some other way, or else just kept going, because all women are supposed to be multi-orgasmic and it is the man who dictates when sex is over.

The fact is, while many women are capable of having multiple orgasms and way outlasting their male partners, many also are not, or are not always. There is nothing wrong with needing a break or wanting to stop at any point during a sexual encounter, and anyone should be able to invoke that right.

Furthermore (and I think I speak for most vagina-havers here, especially in heterosexual liaisons), how many times has the woman been the one left wholly unsatisfied because her male partner is too lazy or too preoccupied to at least attempt to see her to the finish line before unceremoniously pulling out and rolling over? An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, but at the same time, what’s good for the gander is also good for the goose, if you know what I mean. Of course, not everyone is going to come every time but it’s the thought that counts, I think.

Of course, ideally both partners will equally get their rocks off or at least equally enjoy every sexual encounter, but sometimes that’s just not gonna happen. However, both partners should always be attentive to each other’s needs—and this includes stopping when one of them wants or needs to stop. In my books, being respectful and attentive—during “stop” moments as well as “go” moments—is really the only sexual etiquette to follow. Moral of the story: an orgasm is a privilege, not a right, and stop always means stop.

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