Home Column Let’s talk about sex

Let’s talk about sex

by Sara Baron-Goodman April 14, 2015
Let’s talk about sex

Feet and furries and handcuffs, oh my!

Let's Talk About SexIt’s 2015, and for the most part I’d say that we live in a fairly sexually liberal society (at least within the young Montreal community). Nothing is off limits, it seems, and there is a corner of the internet, a community, and a library full of online porn for just about any niche fantasy one might have. If you dream it, you can find it. Yet, it seems there is still a definitive popularity hierarchy (and I don’t mean in numbers, but rather in social acceptance) of what kinks and fantasies would get you labelled as fun, adventurous or worldly, and which ones make you a social pariah.

Right now, BDSM is en vogue—thanks in part to a certain franchise which I refuse to name in this publication any more times this year. As we have discussed in previous columns, butt play, from pegging to analingus, is also enjoying a moment in the sexual spotlight thanks to shows like Broad City and Girls.

If you bring stories headlining any of these sexperiences to the brunch table, you’re likely to be lauded as a hero. Congratulations, you have achieved the optimal level of sexual adventurousness. Have another mimosa and tell us all about it, you sly dog you.

Meanwhile, bronies and furries are continuously the butt of jokes. We turn up our noses at scat play. Foot fetishists, despite being the most popular fetish keyword online, according to the Huffington Post, are almost always portrayed as creepy.

I have a friend who likes to consider herself a sexual trailblazer. She regularly attends orgies and “secret sex parties,” as she likes to put it. She used to walk around town with a case full of sex toys and condoms in her backpack, “just in case.” One night when a group of us were at a party, she loudly berated anybody who hadn’t had anal sex as “vanilla” (to which one friend responded saying, “better than chocolate at least,” and forever became my favourite). Anyways, not five minutes after publicly shaming all those who prefer it up front than round back, Miss Kinky was completely shocked and disgusted when, defending her “vanilla” label, another friend admitted to liking erotic asphyxiation.

So why is that some kinks are okay, while others are laughable at best, and seen as disgusting at worst?
Why is somebody who likes golden showers seen as so much more deviant than somebody who likes to be tied up and gagged? And, on the opposite end of the spectrum, why is being so-called vanilla such a pejorative thing?

In a culture that celebrates sexuality, shouldn’t we be celebrating all aspects of sexuality? From the most “vanilla” of us who only like to do it in missionary, to the furries and the bronies, to kinks as varied and numerous as there are colours of the rainbow: what makes any one of these better than the other?

Pop culture certainly has a large stake in it all, and maybe one day the tides will turn and role-playing barnyard animals will be hot, and pegging will be not.

I say, as long as what goes down between the sheets is always between two consenting adults, all is good. Let your freak flags fly high and proud.

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