The tests don’t stop after the final exam period
Life post-undergrad can be very intimidating and downright disorienting.
In fact, I think I speak for many post-undergrads when I ask: what was it all for?
I should start by mentioning that I’m not one of those people that you see on Facebook or Instagram, partying it up in Thailand or studying abroad in Germany. Instead, like many ‘post-undergrads,’ I’m holding down a full-time job so that I can afford to pay my bills and save a little bit of money every now and then.
In short, I went from being a full-time student to a full-time adult with real responsibilities that school just hadn’t prepared me for.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud that I completed my bachelor’s degree. It was during my time in university that I experienced many lessons that shaped who I am today. Essentially, I wouldn’t be writing this article if it wasn’t for my education—for that I am grateful.
Still, these post-undergrad growing pains are really wearing me down. I find myself constantly worrying about the future and what my five-year plan is. You know, the usual stuff that we torture ourselves with. And, even though I don’t consider myself to be a kid anymore, I’m just not ready to grow up and join the rat race yet.
Can I assume that most of us cringe at the idea of slowly turning into the very thing that we vowed we’d never turn into—adults?
Okay, maybe I’m being overdramatic but I think that, overall, most grads will admit that the struggle is not only real, it’s here to stay, and maybe that’s okay. Maybe we’re not meant to have all the answers just yet. Maybe we have to feel lost before we can feel found as cliché as that sounds.
Let me backtrack and give you a rundown of my experience as an undergrad at Concordia. I was 20 years old in the fall of 2011 when I attended my first class as a history major. Back then I didn’t really know what to expect from my time in university but I did know one thing: I would see it through to the end. So that’s what I did. I focused on getting good grades and making sure that—on paper—I was stellar. My world revolved around homework and A+ grades; I was semi-obsessed to say the least. And then, in the Fall of 2014, I took my last final exam and I was finally set free.
I had already made the decision that I wouldn’t be going back to school for a couple of years so, in the months that followed, I took the opportunity to make up for lost time. I went out a lot, I sleptin later, I worked more hours, I spent more money, I saw my friends more often; it was great. I was finally doing some of the things that I couldn’t do when I was in school.
But after a while, I found myself stuck in something of a rut. You see, even though I was finally free, I began to feel very lost. It’s like I had forgotten who I was outside of education. Being a student was all I had ever known how to be—that’s what I was good at.
So, in hopes of feeling more productive and less blasé about life, I told myself that I’d learn how to play the piano by watching YouTube tutorials; that I’d learn how to speak Italian by watching subtitled movies; and, of course, that I’d travel the world and find myself. After all, I was a recent university graduate who studied the art of setting goals and respecting deadlines.
Flash forward 10 months and here I am. I have yet to purchase a keyboard or research any piano tutorials on Youtube. I haven’t watched any Italian movies recently, unless you count La Vita e Bella which wouldn’t be fair since I’m a history buff. And, even though I work full-time, I still don’t make enough money to travel the world—shocking!
Alas, I am a failure. Or so I thought.
Looking back, I realize the goals that I had set for myself when I was coming out of school did not reflect the goals that I would set for myself in the near future. I was so preoccupied with being in school, and being a student, that I hadn’t really considered what being an adult would entail. Sure, I expected to reach for the stars but, in reality, I got a little lazy and decided I’d stargaze instead.
Sometimes people change—priorities change—and that’s okay.
In all honesty, when I look at the big picture, I’m pretty proud of myself and what I’ve accomplished in the last 10 months: I moved out on my own, I’ve been promoted at work and I had the opportunity to spend time with my grandmother before she passed away. So, even though I didn’t learn a foreign language or travel to foreign cities, I had time to do the things that I wanted, and needed, to do.
Essentially, I’m realizing that, in fact, I am free.
My point is, as post-undergrads, we’re all bound to feel scared and unsettled about our future. But, even though we feel afraid, we shouldn’t give up on ourselves; instead, we should learn to accept the things we cannot change, and to change the things we simply do not accept. Our lives are our own to make, one small mistake at a time.
With this in mind, I’ll definitely think twice the next time I decide to feel sorry for myself because my first year as a post-undergrad didn’t go as planned. I’ve just got to learn how to focus on the what I do have in my life instead of dwelling on what’s missing.
You know, life post-undergrad maybe isn’t that bad afterall.
