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Top 10 bad rap brags

by Bryn Coates-Davies March 27, 2018
Top 10 bad rap brags

These lyrical flaunts are anything but good

  1. “I got so much money / I should start a bank!” – Wiz Khalifa

Unlike most rappers, Wiz is thinking long-term. Nowadays, very few new banks are popping up so this is an untapped market, and Wiz is getting into it on the ground floor. This may seem like a bad line now, but just you wait.

  1. “Got so many whips / they call me whipalicious” – Yung Joc

Poor Yung Joc. Not everyone has an entourage that is creative enough to come up with great nicknames. It’s unfortunate, but this is something I believe Joc has come to terms with.

  1.  “Rock star / I’m flyer than an ostrich” – Juelz Santana

We’re onto number three, and I still have yet to see a bad brag. Juelz Santana is a man of the people, therefore he is flyer than an ostrich. Every time I hear this line, it makes me feel like I too am flyer than an ostrich. Plus it’s about time these cocky ostriches were knocked down a peg.

  1. “That gun automatic / My car automatic” – French Montana

This is a great brag; automatic cars are the new thing. French Montana is not living that stick shift life. #AUTOBOYZ

  1. “Follow me, follow me I’m the leader / And when I park cars I don’t pay for the metre” Chiddy Bang

Nothing makes you look like a leader more than repeatedly saying, “Follow me.” And not paying for the metre is a legitimate badass move. Those fines add up, but he’s still parking his car and never paying. And I bet that car is an automatic #AUTOBOYZ4EVA

  1. “Big house, long hallways, got 10 bathrooms / I could shit all day” Lil Wayne

I am merely a humble #AUTOBOY, but I can aspire to someday live in a house with extra long hallways. Lil Wayne now gets to shit all day in all of his bathrooms. Can you say the same for yourself?

  1. “I know how to rip thongs and I’m pretty good at beer pong” – Joey Bada$$

No one wants to be amazing at beer pong. That means you spend way too much time practicing a game in which success means drinking less. All you want is to be pretty good. You will win some games and you will lose some games, but you will be forever and ever pretty good.

  1. “I got so many clothes I keep them at my aunt’s house” Tinie Tempah

I don’t know about your family, but my Aunt Jan has a very large house. I bet your family could fit all of their clothes in her basement easily, because it turns out running a curling rink pays pretty well. Having this on the list is a direct insult to my aunt.

  1. “Bitch I’m cooler than a cooler” – Chief Keef

This is a classic brag by a classic man. On a camping trip in the summer, nothing is cooler than a cooler. Chief Keef making this claim is a very bold statement, and it takes guts. Respect to the Chief.

  1. “I spit tighter, I’m not like all the rest / I’m not a playa but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express” KRS-One

One night at a Montreal Holiday Inn Express can cost up to $130 a night. KRS-One is not an idiot who will stay at a regular Holiday Inn. He doesn’t need that fancy continental breakfast. All he needs is some bread and those weird small containers of peanut butter and jam, which are very hard to scoop out with a knife.

Graphic by Zeze Le Lin

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