In March 2018 Concordia student George Peatty was asked to make a list of the ten worst brags in the history of rap music by music editor Calvin “The Jet” Cashen. Although he was able to finish the list he was unable to write responses to all of the bad brags due to a family vacation in the Southern Balkans. His friend Bryn Coates-Davies offered to write commentary for the brags while George created the list. Due to the content of the commentary Bryn and George are no longer on speaking terms.
- “I got so much money/I should start a bank!” – Wiz Khalifa
George unlike many rappers Wiz is thinking long term. Nowadays very few new banks are popping up so this is an untapped market Wiz is getting in to on the ground floor. This may seem like a bad line now but just you wait.
- “Got so many whips/they call me whipalicious” Yung Joc
Poor Yung Loc. Not everyone has an entourage that is creative enough to come up with great nicknames. Its unfortunate but this something I believe Loc has come to terms with.
- “Rock star/I’m flyer than an ostrich” Juelz Santana
Look George were on to number three and I still have yet to see a bad brag. Juelz Santana is a man of the people therefore he is flyer than an ostrich. Every time I hear this line it makes me feel good that I too am flyer than an ostrich. Plus it’s about time that these cocky ostriches were knocked down a peg.
- “That gun automatic/My car automatic” French Montana
This is a great brag automatic cars are the new thing. French Montana is not living that stick shift life. #AUTOBOYZ
- “Follow me, follow me I’m the leader/And when I park cars I don’t pay for the meter” Chiddy Bang
George nothing makes you look like a leader than repeatedly saying, “follow me” and not paying for the meter is a legitimate badass move. Those fines add up but he’s still parking his car and never paying. And I bet that car is an automatic #AUTOBOYZ4EVA
- “Big house, long hallways, got 10 bathrooms/I could shit all day” Lil Wayne
George I am merely a humble #AUTOBOY but I can aspire to someday live in a house with extra long hallways. Lil Wayne now gets to shit all day in all of his bathrooms. Can you say the same thing for yourself George?
- “I know how to rip thongs and I’m pretty good at beer pong” Joey Bada$$
No one wants to be amazing at beer pong. That means you spend way too much time practicing a game in which success means drinking less. All you want is to be pretty good. You will win some games and you will lose some games but you will be forever and ever pretty good.
- “I got so many clothes I keep them at my aunt’s house” Tinie Tempah.
I don’t know about your family George but my Aunt Jan has a very large house. I bet your family could fit all of their clothes in her basement easily because it turns out running a curling rink pays pretty well. Having this on the list is a direct insult to my aunt George.
- “Bitch I’m cooler than a cooler” Chief Keef
This is a classic brag by a classic man Chief Keef. On a camping trip in the summer nothing is cooler than a cooler. Chief Keef making this claim is a very bold statement and it takes guts. Respect to the Chief.
- “I spit tighter, I’m not like all the rest/I’m not a playa but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express.” KRS-One
George you really whiffed on this list. Not one bad brag in the bunch. I guess the real bad brag was you saying you could make this list. One night at a Montreal Holiday Inn Express can cost up to $130 a night. KRS-One is not an idiot who will stay at a regular Holiday Inn. He doesn’t need that fancy continental breakfast. All he needs is some bread and those weird small things of peanut butter and jam, which are very hard to scoop out with a knife.
Graphic by Zeze Le Lin