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Ivanka: “The secret service should be better at keeping secrets”

by Simona Rosenfield January 28, 2021
Ivanka: “The secret service should be better at keeping secrets”

Ivanka Trump addresses the false claims that her family denied Secret Service detail access to a restroom in their home.

As the daughter of a Nice™ man, which I am bound by law to call my father, I first became acquainted with Nice™ suffering at a young age. It was during my youth that I learned the schemes and scripts I can use to flip any situation to financially profit from my spiritual and moral vacancy.

Growing up in a household much like a Nice™ museum has cultivated in me a side that always thinks about the feelings of others. I remember spending many hours as a child attributing feelings to people from their facial expressions, and then practicing those expressions on my own face, so that I might convey a convincing laugh or shed a relatable tear in the future.

With my life experience and track record available for reference, I have consistently yielded my immense power for the good of others.

Therefore, it is with a heavy tin heart that I express my deep-as-a-puddle horror, confusion, and embarrassment to learn of the false claims that my husband and I would ever deny the United States Secret Service (USSS) access to a restroom while assigned to protect us.

These claims are just another drop in the ocean of lies made by the crooked left media trying to expose an already showcased broken economic system that profits and permisses people like me.

Firstly, the slanderous article published by The Washington Post falsely stated that our family’s security detail was initially using a porta-potty located on the sidewalk outside of our “6.5 bathroom” home. This is utterly false, and I take great personal insult to this remark. We, the Kushner/Trumps do not have a single lavatory in our home. We’ve never even used one. We’ve never needed to.

Understandably, our Kalorama neighbours felt frustrated by a clunky porta-potty on the sidewalk, keeping them from using the public space. I hold no grudge against anyone who expressed their insult at this obstruction to our peace.

Secondly, this ridiculous article falsely claims that the USSS then began using the facilities at former President Obama’s home, then at former Vice President Pence’s home, as well as local restaurants, in order to resolve the issue. This is simply another tactic to make my family look like a cold-hearted collection of people who refuse to corner off one isolated bathroom, maybe in a garage, where humans can care for themselves with dignity.

Then, and this is where the “story” becomes downright ludicrous, the USSS allegedly began renting an apartment unit in September of 2017 for $3,000 a month, costing taxpayers more than $100,000.

It is simply unconscionable to publish such a low property value estimate for our neighbourhood. This estimate may impact our reputation moving forward; damages we will see for years to come.

And with this, I will make one last remark. It is rare that I share so much with the public, as I am a very private person. I value to the highest degree my privacy and my secrecy. I am truly hurt and offended that the USSS was unsuccessful at keeping this open secret about me — that I treat everyone that is outside the pack as the help.

 

 

Graphic by Taylor Reddam

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