Museum reopenings to normalize art hoe migration patterns, experts say
Montreal museums reopened on Feb. 8 causing art hoes to flock to various museum sites around the city.
In a recent study written on a cluttered Notes app, an art hoe turned Anthropology major states that 90 per cent of indie Tinder dates are taking place at one of these newly opened cultural institutions. However, this student’s advice for securing these Tinder dates means refraining from mentioning one’s art hoe-ism on dating apps — few understand that they’re hoes for the art, and not necessarily the Chad who looks like a wet golden retriever.
Though, let’s be clear that the pilgrimage is not limited to dates; many group chats are buzzing with ideas to make the trek. And thank goodness they’ve got their Doc Martens to keep the snow out!
As with any phenomenon, the question on everyone’s mind is “why?” Through extensive research and perhaps a tiny ounce of introspection, we’ve compiled the most plausible reasons for this pattern.
The first one that comes to mind is the innate desire to wear thrifted clothes in public. This is a sentiment shared by 100 per cent of art hoes, and a need that has been hard to fulfill during the pandemic. Although many a mom jean and turtleneck have been spotted on a walk around the block or a trip to the grocery store, in our pesky climate, jackets tend to overshadow the carefully curated outfit (it is important to note that hoes are sometimes cold despite what pre-famous Cardi B may have told you — she’s clearly never been to Montreal in February). Nonetheless, museums offer coat checks and toasty heating to ensure that the whole ensemble will be on display. Some might argue that that’s the real art anyways.
Another possible explanation for this migration is, as always, the stars. Some believe that the recent Co–Star notification saying to “Open up your body and soul to art” has provoked the art hoes to storm the museums.
Others explain that after cutting quarantine bangs, this population needs a more permanent change in appearance, and hopes to gain inspiration from a Van Gogh or Matisse painting for new ink. Those not interested in tattoos, however, might be searching for a new screensaver for their phone or a spark for their next poem.
Speaking of poems, museums also provide benches for art hoes to sit on and scribble in their notebooks. This is an optimal location to be noticed for the way their quirky earrings clink against their mask as they write. Maybe someone will even ask them what they have in their Fruiterie Mile End tote bag.
Either way, their plants can survive another few hours without being watered and played Phoebe Bridgers, so it definitely can’t hurt to soak in some culture, and perhaps even bring up the single art history elective they took, From Realism to Abstraction in Canadian Art, after noticing the Romantic undertones of a specific tableau.
Or it could be that the museum provides a well-needed escape from the madness we’re experiencing. But hey, what do I know?
Graphic by Chloë Lalonde @ihooqstudio