It’s 2 a.m. on a Wednesday night and my friend Annie is gently falling asleep. Suddenly she hears the doorbell. She stumbles out of bed and makes her way to the front door. Before opening it, she peeks out from the etched glass panel.
There, in front of her, stands an unfamiliar form. Annie, who lives in the beautiful slums of the east end near Ontario St., doesn’t have a latch key, so she cautiously half-opens the door with a firm grip. It’s a man. A strange man that she’s never seen before in her life.
He asks if he can use the phone. The man not only sounds drunk but also crazy. Annie has always been a polite and honest person, she would never just slam the door in anyone’s face, no matter how mental they seem.
Being true to herself, she did what any sensible person would do and proceeded to explain why she could not let him in. “I’m sorry, I can’t let you in,” she said. “I’m alone.” Yes, “I’M ALONE,” that’s what she said before closing and locking the door.
That night was a sleepless one for my nice friend Annie as she struggled with the various ways she could’ve handled things. She could have let him in. She could have thrown the phone out the window, and asked him to place it in the mailbox after he was done with it. What never seemed to occur to her was that he might attack her. You can’t blame her for her reaction. She wanted to be honest.
To help Annie and other women like her I have created a list of things not to say when a crazy stranger knocks at your door asking to be let in.
A list of things not to say when a crazy stranger knocks at your door asking to be let in:
1. I’m alone.
2. I’m very weak and tired and could never defend myself if you chose to attack me.
3. I own over $60,000 in jewelry and it’s all spread out on the floor.
4. I’m entertaining my three supermodel girlfriends and we’re having a pajama party and they’re all wearing skimpy lingerie.
5. I didn’t have time to go deposit my $100,000 in cash I earned for my Playboy photo shoot.
6. Keith Richards asked me to baby-sit his 200 guitars while he’s away in Barbados.
7. They’re repainting the Mus
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