Marshall’s Law

Well, apparently it’s Christmas-time again. “No it’s not,” you say. It is if you believe all those holiday television ads that have already started airing. We have barely finished putting away our Halloween costumes when we are bombarded by holiday-themed ads. Is November so depressing that we need to delude ourselves that the holidays are actually in the near future?

Walk into any Dollarama or Costco and the Christmas decorations leap out at you. The worse thing is, people are actually buying into this commercial ploy. They are getting ready now to celebrate the holidays. It is unfortunately not uncommon to see houses festively (over)decorated at this time of year. What are these people thinking? Are they afraid their entire extended family will want to drop by for some turkey a month and a half early? Maybe they want to be ready in case Christmas is unexpectedly moved up five weeks. These are, of course, the same people who won’t take down said holiday decorations until the end of February. Just in case a secret holiday pops up that none of us have heard of.

Please don’t get the wrong impression that I’m a Grinch who goes around vandalizing holiday decorations on Dec. 26 at 12:01 a.m. I enjoy the holidays as much as anyone; it’s a great time to get together with friends and family. I just think Nov. 1 is a bit early for Christmas carols to be played on the radio.

The marketing machine behind this early holiday promotion seems to be getting stronger every year. It is this same organization that rolls out the “Back to School” ads on Aug. 1. That is just plain evil.

The holidays are supposed to be special because they last only a few days, not two months! We are now spending one-sixth of the year having to watch that annoying Canadian Tire family deal with their holiday problems.

Malls are the first victims of holiday-tenitus. Pretty soon the mall Santa Clauses will come out in full force, if they haven’t already. December is a horrible time to step inside a mall, lest we be assaulted by that atrocious holiday “musak”. From experience, I can honestly say that working in a mall at this time of year is one of the worst forms of torture for the cash-strapped student. There is no escaping the bright holiday lights, the loud horrible carols and the bitter, bitter under-paid elves. The poor bastards.

When the holidays finally do come around, we will then be submitted to Boxing Day ads, which will turn into Valentine’s Day decorations, and so on. This is the cycle of marketing life.

Until then, have a happy Hanukkah, a merry Christmas and/or a happy Festivus!


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