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Waiting for love, the trouble with dating strangers

by Archives February 7, 2007

My best friend recently said to me: “You know what your problem is Aude? You don’t date.” And it is true. I don’t really date.

First of all, the whole concept of dating freaks me out. It really does. Because it’s awkward! I mean, you meet a guy. You find him cute, he finds you cute, you give him your number, he calls you, and until then, everything is fine. But then, you end up meeting over a meal. And this is where things start to get ugly. Pre-meal, you get nervous. You hope you’re pretty enough, you pray to God that conversation flows and you already made arrangements with your friends who are going to call you an hour into the date so you will have an excuse to bail if the guy turns out to be a complete psycho.

During the meal, it gets worse. You stress out over what to order because you don’t want to look like a complete pig and you want something easy to eat so you don’t choke on fish bones or end up with a jungle between your teeth. Then you do end up with something between your teeth and the guy keeps on spitting on the table because he is talking with his mouth full while struggling to find something funny to say.

Then the dreaded “bill moment” comes. Is he going to pay for me? Should I let him pay? Should I pay? Is he flirting with the girl? Help!

So this is why I don’t really date. But the saddest part is, even if I wanted to date (which, reluctantly I have to admit, I want to) I wouldn’t be able to. Because in my world, there are very few guys to date. Ninety-five per cent of the men I meet are already in a relationship. And when I do meet men that are single, not psycho and in whom I am interested, they are not interested in dating or commitment. They want to have a good time and have sex with lots of women. So where does that leave us, poor spinsters? Sometimes I wonder: Am I going to end up like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction?

I sure hope not. But really, I guess my question is: how did these guys’ girlfriends manage to get them in the first place? How do you make someone fall in love with you?

Strangely enough, most couples I know didn’t start out their relationship by dating. They started as friends. With no awkwardness, no pressure, no nothing. Just work colleagues or school colleagues who just started hanging out. For fun. For the pleasure of the other’s company. Without expecting something at the end of it. Without even thinking it would lead somewhere. And that, I think is the key. To have no expectations, not in the relationship, but before.

And although, this the most redundant question in my head, I think it is a stupid question. Because as much as we want answers, sometimes there are just none. Sometimes, things just are and it sucks but there are no explanations for it.

So why are some people serial monogamists and others have been single all their life? Who freakin’ knows?

So I guess that at the end of the day, single people should chill out. And perhaps stop stressing about being with someone. Because maybe when we least expect it, it’s going to happen. Let’s just hope that when it does, we don’t become as annoying as “relationships” peeps.

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