Marshall’s Law

This week, Geneviève Marshall is on vacation. In her place we bring you a piece by guest columnist R. Coulter.

First let me say that the people at this publication finally came to their senses in giving me a chance to voice my opinions.

With Ms. Marshall away on vacation – no doubt doing godless things I’m sure – we can breathe easy this week with her leftist communist views at bay, where they can do no harm to small impressionable children.

Won’t someone think of the children?!

I’d also like to take the opportunity to refute some barbaric opinions that The Concordian’s op-eds editor has voiced over these past 25 weeks. Twenty-five weeks filled with lies and sin! Oh, the sin.

Shame on her. Shame on them. Shame on you for even reading this. You should go pray. Sinner.

Firstly, I would like to comment on the piece that appeared last semester criticizing our fair city’s commercial radio stations. How anyone can criticize conglomerates is beyond me.

Capitalism and free-market are the backbone of our society. Everyone knows that. Except homeless people. But that’s why they’re homeless now isn’t it!

In the article in question, the “writer” argued that Montreal commercial radio stations are awful and don’t offer any variety. Hogwash.

If I want to listen to the same eight songs repeated over and over again, it’s my prerogative. And if the whole city has to suffer, then so be it. You can never have enough Xtina.

And while we’re on the subject of media, why does this university need more than one student publication?

I even noticed there was one in French. French! The language of the traitors. Everyone knows Jesus spoke American.

Why not have the university papers merge together? It just makes more financial sense people!

Diversity in the media can only lead to fire and brimstone. Why think for yourself when you can be told what to think? That’s what Orwell’s 1984 is about. But you can take my word for it.

But by far, the most horrendous thing spewed on The Concordian’s Op-Ed pages was Ms. Marshall’s piece on Conservapedia.

It was so awful, my husband Eduardo had to catch me when I fainted due to the horrible things I read. My eyes, they burned! Much like when I accidentally flip the channel to PBS.

I myself have contributed to several articles on Conservapedia. And I had the best source of all. Jesus’s encyclopedia itself, the bible!

“If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination.” (Leviticus. 20:13). Amen brothers and sisters!

Of course the bible also says, “A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death.” (Leviticus. 21:3). That’s why at the next Wizard Pride Parade, I will be the first in line protesting.

A wizard and a gay person have many things in common, you know. They both wear vibrant colours, they both worship Satan and they can both read minds. Evil creatures.

I’m sure there’s also something in the bible about Rupert Murdoch, but who knows, it’s not like I read the whole thing. It has more than 200 pages! Fox News tells me what’s right. I trust them. They have pretty colours and shiny things. And words that I can understand. Te-rro-rism-bad. Pa-triot-Act-good.

But back to the original sin. The student press is filled with too many elitist liberals who are so biased, they make Noam Chomsky seem conservative.

Which is the same problem with the mainstream media in Canada.

Where is our champion of the right, in both meanings of the term?

This article is dedicated to my hero, Anita Bryant.


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