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In Tevendale We Trust

by Archives November 6, 2007

Every so often I see a product being advertised on television that just smacks of insanity. The Enzyte commercial is one of them. This “all natural male enhancement” product is nothing but a sham that preys on the vulnerabilities of men and their quest to have a penis the size of Ron Jeremy’s.
What does “natural male enhancement” mean anyways? The commercial doesn’t explain anything, all they have is this character with a grin from ear to ear, holding and waving huge objects around between his legs.
Alright, I get the innuendo, Enzyte will make my penis larger. Fantastic, I’ve always wanted a nine-inch member, and now thanks to Enzyte, I can please ladies the world over.
Sadly, this couldn’t be further from the truth. A few years ago, magazine ads for Enzyte claimed that your penis could grow one to three inches in around eight months. But thanks to some lawsuits from some very dissatisfied customers, the pitch has been toned down a little.
The Enzyte website now says “Enzyte supports the strongest, most powerful erections possible to help you achieve peak sexual enhancement.” This sounds like an entirely different product to me. The fact that they’ve had to change their marketing tactics because of false advertising should scare people away from the product.
In an article published by the L.A. Times, urologist Dr. Mark Moyad from the University of Michigan Health Center said “Any man who still hopes that “natural male enhancement” is code for “larger penis” is bound to be disappointed …That would be like trying to lengthen your leg.”
Furthermore, most women don’t need a ten-inch Johnson to satisfy their needs, and if they do, you should ask yourself why she needs something the length of your forearm to make her happy in bed. It’s this stereotype perpetuated in porn that every man needs a huge d!#k in order to get a woman off. I don’t expect my women to be 5’9 and a buck o’ five with implants, so don’t expect me to be endowed like a horse.
Enzyte.com says that over three million people have purchased their product. I wonder how many of them did so willingly. The TV ad offers a free sample; what it doesn’t say is that you have to provide a credit card number to pay for shipping. Consequently, you are billed and shipped another month’s supply several days before your trial package runs out. In the United States, the Better Business Bureau has received thousands of complaints by customers who claim that the refund or cancellation process is too difficult and embarrassing. Surprise surprise, the company makes you feel like even less of a man when you try to get your money back.
How can a product that has received thousands of complaints in regards to false advertising and shady business practices even be allowed to advertise on television? The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) and Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) have censored content on TV for way less. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have not even evaluated this product, yet consumers who are sold by the “Silent Bob” and “all natural male enhancement” ploys in the ads can still buy this product via an 800 number.
Guys, don’t be fooled by this bullshit, it should be illegal to advertise products on TV that do nothing but mislead potential consumers who feel inadequate enough about whatever body part they are trying to improve on. Chances are, if it looks too good to be true, more often than not, it is.

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