Save the hops!

I don’t care about global warming, free trade, or the impact a lower American dollar has on our economy. I’m not a crusader, a preacher, a tree-hugger or an animal lover. I’m a beer drinker and I’m here to warn you that our beloved brew is in danger.
Blame global warming if you like, but bad weather in hops-growing parts of the world like the United States, Australia and Europe, combined with a U.S. dollar on prozac, have led to a worldwide hops shortage.
Who the f**k is Hops and why is he screwing with our beer?
Hops are a type of flower that’s a key ingredient in beer and it’s running out. OK, it’s not running out, but there’s a shortage that’s going to have a defnite impact on our nectar.
At least a quarter of the world’s hops are grown in the U.S. and over the past ten years production has fallen by 30 per cent.
Since the news broke the prices of hops has doubled, and because the American dollar is having performance anxiety issues, brewers across the pond in places like Europe and Asia are buying up hops that are usually only bought by us!
The shortage has some brewers ready to change their recipes to cut down on the use of hops. This could mean beer with a different taste or smell.
In the meantime industry analysts say that some brewers may have no choice but to raise prices by up to ten per cent.
Larger brewers like Labatt and Molson should be safe for now, because they buy in bulk and are under contract, but at this rate even they’ll have no choice but to rethink their recipes and/or up their prices.
In all the doomsday scenarios spread by global-warming pamphleteers, nothing was ever said about it screwing with my brew.
We have to organize, mobilize, and use our powers combined or something.
Let this be a warning to you people – bad tidings are coming for us and our beer.
Give me beer or give me death!