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Goodbye, 2007: We hardly blew.err knew you

by Archives January 8, 2008

What do Martina Hingis, André Boisclair and Adrian Davis have in common? Well, they were all mentioned in the above sentence. Oh, and they also have all either failed a drug test for cocaine or have admitted using the drug in 2007. While Boisclair’s admission to using the drug, as well as Hingis’s failed drug test, subsequent retirement, and two-year ban from tennis are well-documented, you might be scratching your head about the inclusion of Adrian Davis in this list. Well, Davis, a Concordia football player and a draft pick by the Montreal Alouettes, was suspended by Canadian Interuniversity Sport for two years after failing a drug test for cocaine metabolite, a banned substance in the CIS, in October. This is a bad thing for Concordia athletics, as it is a black mark on the school as a whole, however while Concordia didn’t push Davis to the drug, you can’t exactly say it was something that was ‘out of character’. Davis was arrested by police on a charge of marijuana possession with intent to distribute as a member of Marshall University’s football team in Huntington, West Virginia. He was released after a night in jail, posted a $25,000 bond and was suspended indefinitely by Marshall head coach Mark Snyder. Davis then joined the Stingers for this season where he failed the CIS-administered test.

More 2007 Air Balls

– Dear O.J. Simpson. You got away with murder. You write a fake confession book. Then you perform armed robbery? Lay low, man. Just lay low.
– Dear Michael Vick. People use famous people. Dog fighting is not legal. Escaping the law is not as easy as getting out of an airport with a tainted water bottle.
– Dear Bill Belichick. Next time your assistant coach asks you to try out the new Handycam he got for Christmas, make sure he isn’t on your sideline or filming the opposing coaches.
– Dear Barry Bonds. Don’t lie. Everybody was doing it. Maybe you should write a book like O.J. did. I mean if you actually were on steroids you would have like 1000 homeruns, right?
– Dear Jacques Villeneuve. Admit
it. You went to NASCAR just so you could hear people call you “Jack Villenoove”. It’s like a new life, right?
– Dear Marion Jones. Consider acting? They allow steroids. Body building as well. Heck, maybe you could become the first female govenor
of California.
– Dear Chris Simon. Stepping on someone’s leg with a skate is not nearly as obvious as smashing somebody’s head with your stick, but just as stupid. Chris, you aren’t playing hockey right now so I am concerned for my safety.

What awaawaawaits in 2008?

Well that’s a great question. I’m glad you asked.
– Will baseball players turn in their steroids for some of the foul line “chalk”? Not likely. They’ll probably continue to do both.
– Hockey players will continue not to wear visors and there will continue to be unnecessary eye injuries that will ruin careers and lives. Don Cherry will continue to praise their “toughness” (I like to consider it “stupidity”, but to each their own.)
– Pierre McGuire will go another year risking heart attack with voice ejaculations and made-up words on TSN. I guess you can say his heart is a MONSTER! With tremendous determinaverancetude. That’s a bunch of determination and perseverance with a never quit attitude (Pierre told me about that word).
– Tim Donaghy was a veteran NBA official. But after resigning due to admitting to gambling on games he refereed, he found a new job in 2008. He’s umpiring pick up games for the 1919 Chicago White Sox and stars alongside Ray Liotta, Kevin Costner and Joe Pesci in Field of Dreams: The Good Fellas edition.
– National Hockey League commissioner
Gary Bettman, seeing the great success of the Winter Classic played outdoors in Buffalo on New Year’s Day, decides that all NHL teams play their home games in football stadiums, outdoors. Global warming then forces the cancellation of the NHL season. It’s snowing in Florida and too hot in Montreal. Bob Goodenow and Ted Saskin are seen leaving Al Gore’s office.

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