I am writing this in response to Beisan’s enlightening diary entries in the last two issues of the Link. Her courage and resilience are in my opinion an example for all students who are sick and tired of the terrible corruption of both CSU and ASFA. Beisan’s story is the tragic tale of a hero who is repeatedly slapped in the face. Although everyone loves her, and she tries so hard to get involved in any way possible in her union, the malignant demons at the CSU using their usual weapons of mass deception prevent her from becoming the exemplary student leader she could be.
It is time to reveal to all the terrible truth about our CSU leaders, one that Beisan has been trying to make public. For instance: the safe in CSU VP Finance Fauve Castagna’s office (or should we call her, ‘VP Corruption’), leads to a secret chamber where CSU executives hold monthly blood orgies. In this chamber one can also find all the copies of the Link that were stolen during CSU general elections. Except nobody can read them anymore, because they are covered in blood. Baby deer blood. Furthermore, CSU VP Communication Noah Stewart-Ornstein employs a hired gun called Tony to intimidate and “erase” CSU dissenters.
The most shocking news concerns the electrifying ties between the victorious Unity slate and the American Republican party. CSU President Angelica Novoa is actually a closet Republican. Her goal, written in a secret manifesto called “My vision for the future,” is to have student tuition fees up to Harvard levels before she leaves office. According to insider information, she is especially keen upon increasing international student tuition. And I have saved the best for the last. Oh, and CSU Council is made up solely of vampires and zombies. Why do you think that all of their council meetings commence only when the divine blessing of sunlight has been abated from the Earths?
So keep on fighting Beisan. Just remember that although the powers that be are constantly thinking of new ways to persecute you (in fact, they spend most of their time doing this), we, the students of Concordia, are behind you all the way.
Plan:
Go to CSU Council and recite the “Communist Manifesto” on a megaphone. Bring cross and holy water to ward of vampire councillors.
Stage a sit in with the thousands of students who love Beisan and hate the CSU in the CSU offices until she is appointed president for eternity.
