Escalators making up for lost time

To make up for months of intermittent service disruptions, escalators in the downtown Hall building were dialed up to overdrive.
They now carry students up and down the floors of the building roughly twice as fast as before, with some reportedly being able to carry a student up one floor in 2.5 seconds.
“The Concordia administration decided that we’ve been treating students rather poorly for the last couple of years [on the issue of the escalators]. With the winter term almost over, the Board of Governors decided to give students a quicker trip to class,” said a beaming university media relations official Christy Mona at a special press conference last week.
The decision was met with mixed reactions amongst students.
“They should have at least given us a heads-up they were doing this. I was just reading my class notes and next thing I knew, I hear a high-pitched whine from underneath me and everything started to blur because it was so fast,” said Donovan Baker, who, along with a dozen other students, were sent flying off the escalators into a heap of bodies.
“I lost my lunch on that thing,” said Sophie Anjara, who, just after lunch at Al-Taib, hurled her vegan falafel all over the student she fell on top of.
Others are more enthusiastic about the new speeds. Richard Cable, who frequents the Mezzanine and various floors in the Hall building regularly, finds it a great past time just to “go for a ride.”
“In a ghetto sort of way, it’s like a ride at the amusement park,” said Cable, who rode the elevators a record 68 times in one day.