Politician tells truth?

In a shocking press release, Concordia Student Union executive George Moses, whose position is loosely related to the Minister of Information for Albania, said he had converted to truth telling. “I just can’t hold it any longer. The fact is, I’ve actually been telling the truth all along .

In a shocking press release, Concordia Student Union executive George Moses, whose position is loosely related to the Minister of Information for Albania, said he had converted to truth telling.
“I just can’t hold it any longer. The fact is, I’ve actually been telling the truth all along . . . well not to say that I haven’t been honestly telling the truth to anyone yet this year, because everybody knows the complete and total version of facts that have been broadcast, but the fact remains that when we as students stand for truth, it’s just so obvious to tell. I think that what counts is the truth and its many facets come out in the end,” he said to a baffled Concordian journalist.
“I don’t want to just tell the truth, I want to let everybody in on things they didn’t know were true in the first place. It’s not about just being truthful, we have to convey the utter depths of the truth as we, and as I, and as the entire student population, knows it.”
“And not just that, I have to make up for all those other times when the truth wasn’t properly told,” added Moses in rapid-fire, unaccented English.
Besides giving school and mainstream media a headache transcribing and deciphering his machine gun-like delivery and profound depth of knowledge about issues they had never before been concerned with, Moses had also become renowned on campus for enraging the liberal-socialist activism-oriented students known as the ‘progressive element.’
Just yesterday independent student Madi Kadouf and a group of students started circulating a petition to add a new referendum question to the next CSU by-elections: mandating an electric shock bracelet for Moses.
Twenty volts of electricity would be sent straight to Moses’ nervous system each time he uses more than 50 different conjunctions to describe a single idea. The ‘progressives’ are excited about the new technology, which took inspiration from the event when Concordia English and linguistics professor Andrew Macklin played a recording of Moses’ speech patterns.
“This is evil, turn it off! Turn it off now!” Macklin yelled when the recording was played for him.
“There, now we will have a degree of accountability and transparency,” said Kadouf. “It’s about time.”
A “no committee” is already formed to contest this referendum question. “This is a clear violation of human rights. You cannot treat Moses this way. It is a ridiculous referendum question,” said Carl Silverbird, a newly acclimated CSU executive.

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