As Concordia University prepares to screen the critically acclaimed 9/11 shockumentary Loose Change, The Concordian invited three people to discuss their arguably controversial beliefs about American conspiracy involvement in geo-politics.
Graciously agreeing to a roundtable discussion, Dakween Stablame from the Larouchian camp, Dale Ians for the Reptilians, and from the 9/11 Truth Movement, W.T.T. Ruth.
Let’s start the debate by asking the simple question, what happened on September 11?
W.T.T. Ruth gets first crack:
Listen brothers and sisters, for those of you not familiar with our video, Loose Change, it is one of the few honest explanations of what really occurred on 9/11.
We’ve all been told that the attacks against the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were orchestrated by al-Qaeda – as if that’s a plausible name for a terrorist organization – and if you’re an “informed” progressive, you might even have heard that the attacks were a response to America’s history of foreign interventions, etc.
Don’t be fooled.
As a matter of fact, the Thief in-Chief George W. Bush and his henchmen orchestrated the 9/11 attacks on American soil in order to further their neo-conservative agenda of repression, invasion and environmental degradation.
George Bush blew up those buildings with thermite explosives, used the “planes” as a simple ruse, just cardboard prop-planes given the full Rupert Murdoch treatment. George Bush, my friends, is behind it all.
Don’t be led astray by the corporate-controlled media. The 9/11 “Reichstag fire” was just a cover for the Bush cartel’s nefarious plans. It was a way for them to go after Iraq’s oil, while ignoring the real crises affecting the planet – like global warming and world hemp supplies –
Dakween Stablame interrupts, tearing out hair. His tie becomes slightly ruffled:
Bush!?! Are you serious? I mean, come on, conspiracy theories are all well and good, but who chooses as their nemesis a guy who was nearly done in by a pretzel? I mean, where’s the self-respect?
He doesn’t deserve the credit for orchestrating the greatest attack on American soil. It was obviously the Queen of England working closely with Dick Cheney. They go hunting together.
Get it straight, Troofer, it’s not just the 9/11 attacks that were the ruse, but the global warming theory.
I mean, who stands to gain from “global warming?” The only ones are the reptiles and the aged, who like to warm themselves in the sun. And the Queen.
Global warming was a theory concocted by the Kennedys to combat the threat of an economic rise by the common man. Common knowledge gets so distorted nowadays.
Reptilian Dale Ians twitches and spins three times in his chair, an impressive display. And I suppose some 90-year-old monarch, the dead King Kennedy and a dimwit Texan are your solutions to all questions? The only explanation is that they’re not human.
When you buy into these crazy conspiracy theories, you take yourself out of the real business of day-to-day politics, and detach yourself from interaction with the daily business of human existence.
This is how it is (he pauses to burp once, then twice and then bulges his eyes significantly):
You’d never think it’s an alien conspiracy to rule the world because you’re too busy looking at their human form. Dick Cheney is a reptilian humanoid, as is George W. Bush, the Queen of England, even Hillary Clinton. The Queen’s the worst, however Hillary is definitely the scaliest.
Let’s face facts: there IS enough evidence to determine that global warming is occurring, and listen, Larouche-guy, you’d better get wise to the facts, or one day you’ll wake under four feet of tidal drift.
And that’s just what the lizards want. One walk too many down the conspiracy path, and they cart you away, and you’re just where the lizards want you.
Ever since our leader returned from Peru to learn that he could only wear turquoise because the “Godhead” told him to do so on September 11, 1991, we’ve had a hunch about 9/11.
What is turquoise? A little bit of green and a little bit of blue, much like land and water.
Where were the Twin Towers located? Next to land and water.
What colour are aliens? Land and water.
Land . . . plus water? Turquoise! Bam!
Truther Ruth spits into his palm, rubs it in circular motions on his elbow, then plants a well-aimed blow on the Reptilian’s bald head.
This is completely ludicrous. You are both insane. Turquoise? Aliens? The Queen?
There is a logical explanation for everything. 9/11 was planned and executed by HUMANS at the head of THE most powerful country in the world to make us all a little more scared and reluctant when it comes to choosing Esso or Shell. You should –
Larouchian Dakween Stablame, breaking into song, spontaneously makes up a verse of poetry in his head while whistling through his teeth. He throws an egg at the Truther.
Who cares, my silly man? That has nothing to do with it. It’s a British conspiracy and you’d better start believing it! Believe, believe!
He hums a little tune.
9/11 Truther W.T.T. Ruth is incensed and pulls a whale out of his back pocket. He kills it humanely and uses the whalebone to brain the Larouchian to death. Both whale and Larouchian make an ugly mix of blubber and gore on the floor.
Are you kidding me? You want me to believe tea and crumpets are the cause for the war in Afghanistan and Iraq? Idiot. Well . . . unless they were poppy crumpets, of course. Because poppy crumpets could lead us directly to the opium fields of Afghanistan! Now it all comes together . . .
Reptilian Ians picks his teeth, then rolls his eyes six times. He walks around the conference table and calmly sucker-punches Truther Ruth in the gut. He walks back to his side of the table. Ruth is left slightly dazed and apparently incoherent. He whimpers.
You do mark a strong point there. The Queen and her Reptilian counterparts are definitely the ones to blame. And, of course, those little Corgies, always tagging along for the ride. Who knew they were really the Queen’s reptilian canine tactical assassination squad?
At this point, The Concordian regrets to inform the public that the debate became too one sided to be continued.