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U.S. Christians up in arms over images of the Prophet

by Archives April 1, 2008

Protests and riots broke out across the Christian world yesterday after the reprinting of several controversial drawings of Jesus.
Ryyayyannstoolllfffff, a Danish auction house catalogue, published the drawings in Denmark.
“These are pictures of paintings we will be selling,” said a confused Thosfvarr Darkenhooff, spokesperson for the Tarkkketalf auction house. He added that many of the “paintings” date back to the renaissance. “Drawing pictures of Jesus was very popular then and was widely accepted, even encouraged.”
But Christians say the pictures – many of which depict the Christian prophet being crucified – are offensive. “They are an insult to our faith, Christ is the Son of God and these pictures show him bloody and nailed to a cross,” said James Robertson, a self-described Christian.
The world’s approximately two billion Christians say Jesus is the founder of their religion and the “Son of God.” Many also claim he is their personal “Lord and Saviour.”
Some of the worst rioting occurred in the United States, with over 500 dead throughout the largely Christian parts of the country. Art galleries seemed to be a preferred target of the rioters. Protests were especially violet in Alabama, where thousands of protesters took to the streets. However, after being frustrated by a lack of art galleries to burn, they turned on members of the Danish community, attacking those with blonde hair and blue eyes. “Them Danish done bad things,” said Billy Maybel, a Selma Alabama resident, who was among the protesters. “We tried to find an art gallery to burn, but when we find out they’s none we start looking for some Danish.”
Protesters clashed with police outside the Danish embassy in Washington D.C. Also in Washington, the United States Congress has proposed an act calling on doughnut shops to rename the style of doughnut known as the “Danish” to either the “Freedom” or the “Jesus.”
“When I enjoy a tasty Jesus, I’ll enjoy it that much more,” said Congressman Billy Fletcher a republican from Tennessee. “It’s a tribute to our Lord, not to those un-Christian Danes.”
More moderate Christian leaders appealed for calm as the death toll reached the thousands.
“The days of book burning are behind us,” said Cardinal Patty O’Hara, a Vatican spokesperson.
“While the Vatican does not support these drawings, we do not feel that burning them and killing people is the answer,” he said. “We’re over that sort of thing, we tried it in the Middle Ages and it didn’t work.”
However O’Hara refused to comment on allegations that the Vatican itself was responsible for several of the more controversial drawings – some dating back to the 1400s.
Speaking in Vatican City’s Sistine Chapel, it’s ceiling covered by a sheet. “What are you looking at?” O’ Hara quipped.
With no clear signs of letting up, protests are expected to continue – with some protest leaders calling for the death of the drawings’ publishers.
“We would kill the artists, but apparently they’re dead,” said Robertson. “If we can find the graves we may dig them up and hold trials for them, that would be the Christian thing to do,” he said, referring to the Cadaver Synod of 895 A.D.
But he added, “it probably wouldn’t be worth it, we should just kill those who desecrate what we consider sacred.”

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