Horoscopes

At long last the month, semester, year and decade are coming to an end. A whole bunch of endings mean a whole bunch of beginnings, and we all need a little change in our lives these days. In response to the week that was, one that didn’t treat any of us particularly well, this week’s predictions will focus on positive messages to fuel the days, weeks, months and years ahead with good vibrations. In this holiday season it will be important for each of us fill the air with joy &- if everyone does their part, this could be one of the most joyous holiday seasons in years. Many blessings!

Aries &- March 21 to April 20

A cup half full has just as much in it as the cup that’s half empty. Every cup that is full will be emptied, but once emptied each will be filled again. If your cup is empty may it be filled, and if it is full may it remain so ever more.

Taurus &- April 21 to May 21

“When it comes to living, dying is the easy part,” a wise leader once told a foolish young prophet. It’s easy to choose to be sad, the difficult decision is choosing to be happy even when you have no reason to be. Don’t be happy and passive this week, be a love terrorist and wage a war of joy.

Gemini &- May 22 to June 21

Hard work done passionately is rewarded many times over. Even if you feel like your efforts are being neglected, they are not. Recognition will come at an unlikely time from an unlikely source.

Cancer &- June 22 to July 23

When we exercise early in the morning, it warms our body from within. The soothing radiant heat can stay with you all day. Seek out those lasting kinds of heat this week, perhaps go warm your bones by the fireside.

Leo &- July 24 to August 23

According to the Bible, the best kind of charity is when nobody notices that you’ve done something nice. To claim responsibility for an act of charity is something the hypocrites do. This week, go out in the world and try some secret Christian charity, it feels pretty special.

Virgo &- August 24 to September 23

We like to think that the moon and stars control our destinies, that the paths of our lives have already been charted out a thousand times over in the heavens. But just because a dance is well choreographed doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful. In the wake of chance and fortune there are limitless treasures, if only you have the courage to look.

Libra &- September 24 to October 23

Even in the most solid matter is made up of more space than it is stuff. There are a micro-microscopic cracks in everything, from the ground you walk on to the newspaper in your hand. It makes you feel like we’re all sort of connected and that, if you really needed to, you could just melt away.

Scorpio &- October 24 to November 23

Although the way other people act can make us angry, we often don’t perceive the way our actions effect the people around us. This week, be extra sensitive to the feelings of those around you. You could discover something interesting about yourself.

Sagittarius &- November 24 to December 21

Samurai movies place a lot of emphasis on honour, and for good reason. By the end though, everyone always ends up dead. Honour is all fine, but you should spend this week trying to find the peaceful outcome. Sacrifice a little of yourself if necessary. Oh, and happy birthday!

Capricorn &- December 22 to January 20

Omens are signs the world gives us to help us along the way. It’s important to focus and meditate on our surroundings. Listen to the language of the universe and you will find meaning in nothing, like an alchemist turning lead into gold.

Aquarius &- January 21 to February 19

Sit down and break bread around a table of guests this week. Pass around the juice of the good vine. Don’t worry if it seems you have too many mouths to feed, for no matter how many are at your table, the food will be enough.

Pisces &- February 20 to March 20

When you have a lot on your plate, it’s easy to get distracted. If you want a little trick that works for me, I like to forget about the bad stuff and focus on the freedom to come. How nice it would be to be cuddled up on your couch at home with absolutely nothing to distract you.

A funk is descending on our fair city, and not the kind of funk that gets your body rocking. As a sign of respect to these hard times, and because of a good friend’s request, this is going to be a week of good old-fashioned predictions. Just some straight up looking at the stars and telling you what’s going to happen.

Aries &- March 21 to April 20

While walking this week, you will wind up watching your feet and get lost along the way. Why? Well, because it’s confusing, walking. Is walking the journey as a whole, or is it each individual step? You have to decide. Also, make sure you wear matching shoes. Hey, it happens sometimes.

Taurus &- April 21 to May 21

This week you and I will abandon all of our priorities, leave our old lives and each marry one of the Brides of Funkenstein. We’ve both known for awhile that our lives are suffering for an absence of funk &- “the kind of funk that gets your body rocking” &- this was the only solution I could come up with.

Gemini &- May 22 to June 21

You will have trouble with numbers this week. Perhaps you will lose that special someone’s phone number, get lost because you forgot an address, or miss your train because you screwed up the time. Numbers are devices that we can use to control the world around us, but don’t let them control you.

Cancer &- June 22 to July 23

Sleep is kind of like death, but you wake up afterwards and remember things. You’ve been treasuring your dreams too much recently, you would do well to embrace some real life and forget about death and his cousin.

Leo &- July 24 to August 23

A man in a yellow coat crossing your path will be a omen. If you seek to understand your future, you will have to observe three things. His shoes &- boot, sneaker &- the expression on his face &- smile, frown, or non-applicable &- and his belt &- fastened from the left or the right. The smiling left-handed boot wearer will bring you much fortune. As for the other combinations, outlook not so good.

Virgo &- August 24 to September 23

You will be judged by standards that you believe to be unfair this week. People in all sorts of positions will expect far too much of you, and it will leave you feeling trapped, or perhaps bound is a better metaphor. Find solace in food. I know a great recipe for fried chicken if you’re into it.

Libra &- September 24 to October 23

Imagine you are the last passenger left on a ship trapped in a nasty storm. The wind is howling, 20 feet waves are crashing onto the deck, but for some reason you’re not yielding to the onslaught. Even the captain got swept out to sea. Who will drive the boat?

Scorpio &- October 24 to November 23

Put on your Sunday bests this week. Dress to impress. You have been doing well lately and should make it known that you’re feeling particularly on top of your game right about now. Make a purchase! What’s stopping you?

Sagittarius &- November 24 to December 21

You’ve been ignoring your agenda. This has two meanings. First, you came into the game with a plan, but you’ve strayed from the one true path. That’s your agenda, why are you ignoring it? Second, seriously, when was the last time you wrote in your agenda? October? Time to get back on that train. Organize Yo’self.

Capricorn &- December 22 to January 20

The sun will rise around quarter after seven over the next week. There will be just under nine hours of daylight around these parts, and that number is only getting smaller. You’ve felt this inside you, and seen it in the eyes of those around you. This week, end sadness by being sunlight, bring the light.

Aquarius &- January 21 to February 19

Aquarius is the water bearer. We like to think of this as someone carrying water in a jug over their shoulder, or on their head like an African woman. You’ve been thinking of the water inside you as a burden. But the water in us is the life force that sustains our being. As the water bearer, it is your responsibility to share this blessing, and water, with those around you.

Pisces &- February 20 to March 20

Every time I get to the Pisces horoscopes, all I can think about is how I want to eat fish. Maybe that’s cause I always do you guys last and dinner’s ready by then. Just kidding, I switch up the order every week to avoid bias. Consider doing the same.