Flings and flirts: the dos and do-agains of summer romance

Summer is here and with the change in season comes shorts, flip-flops, tan lines and the desire for a summer fling. The idea of meeting someone during your summer break that you can talk to, hang out with and of course have sizzling hormone-induced chemistry with seems like a good idea. But as the cast of Jersey Shore showed us, summer flings can be dramatic. Between the issues of whether you and your lover are monogamous or not, and the relationship nearing expiration date, a summer romance may not be for everyone.

The highs and lows of playing the field

There is no rule that says a person may only have one summer fling or that they must go steady with one person. Rather, some may feel like bingeing on the summer lovin’. This is what can be referred to as “flinging,’ or the act of hooking up with multiple people.

Hot hook-ups and sexy pool rendezvous aside, there are some downsides to being a ‘flinger.’ Hooking up with more than one person in the same day can be seen as desperate. Yes, many people spend their nights drunk in the summer. You want to look more attractive to a larger population, and people are more forgiving, but you don’t want them to think that’s the only way you can get action.

Think back to that episode of Jersey Shore, people! The Situation called over ten girls for a date and no one accepted. Why? Well, because without a drunken haze to blur his face, The Situation is not the situation and no one would willingly touch that boy.

If you do choose the path of a “flinger’ just make sure you pace yourself. One hook-up per party and don’t mess around with girls who are friends, unless they’re both down for sharing. And if they are – threesome, anyone?

Same goes for the ladies, don’t mess around with guys who are friends, either. In the case where you begin a fling only to find out his friend is much more your type, be careful. Trading up is a possibility, if all you have done is make out. Making out with two friends is frowned upon, but forgiven. Having sex with two friends is a cardinal sin! In that case, trading would make you a homewrecker and no girl wants to be responsible for breaking up a bromance.

Mono-fling: the Original Summer Fling

For those more conservative or romantic types, do not worry. “Flinging’ is not your only option. Behold, the mono-fling: when you’re only flinging with one person throughout the summer. Think of Sandy and Danny from Grease (before they go back to school).

Though the mono-fling may include all the romance of a real relationship, remember: it is still a summer fling, so it lasts only as long as the summer. Consider yourself lucky if you make it to Labour Day. There are some other fallbacks when it comes to this genre of fling. If deep down you want a long-term relationship and begin a summer fling in hopes of making it long-term, you’re going to be disappointed. Most people who fling just want something short and sweet. Make your intentions known right at the beginning. You don’t want to start falling for someone who sees you as a piece of tanned ass.

Don’t tell yourself “Oh, I want a relationship. I’ll change his/her mind and we’ll be together come the fall.” No, my delusional puppies. Come to terms with the fact that like Ben and Jerry’s, your hook up is only open for the summer.

The Why

So, why does this search for a quick fling mainly happen during the summer? Well, when it’s nice and hot out, what’s the first thing a girl does? She changes her wardrobe. She puts her winter clothes away and starts wearing her short shorts, mini-skirts, tank tops and the crème de la crème, the bikinis. All that skin exposure does one thing to men: it attracts them like bees to fleshy honey. Plus, a lot of women I know try to get their bodies toned up or slimmed down during the summer. Unlike haircuts, these changes do not go unnoticed. The boys are looking and they are a-liking.

Guys are not the only ones benefitting from the warm weather, the ladies get their share too. Come summer, guys start hitting the gym harder and playing more outdoor sports. Their muscles start popping out and the ladies begin to drool from both ends.

Can a summer fling turn into a relationship? Yes, it’s possible, but don’t assume you can change your lover’s mind. Most fling because they don’t want a relationship and not many people want to be committed to someone when they’re in school and may have less time and energy to spare.

5 tips on how to have a successful fling

1- Know what you want before you begin anything. Figuring out what you want while you’re with someone is a recipe for disaster because your intentions may not be the same.

2- Don’t be clingy or jealous. If your flinging buddy is hitting it up with other people, technically you’re not allowed to be jealous, but hey, you’re human. Just keep it to a minimum. The only thing you need to know is whether or not your fling partner is having sex with other people. If so, don’t be silly, wrap your willy.

3- Focus on today and today only. Don’t begin to wonder if she would be a good girlfriend or if he would make a good boyfriend.

4- Don’t ask your summer fling to be your date to any parties or any friend events. By doing that you create the facade of a relationship, making it more difficult to end things when the September expiration date draws near.

5- Go out and have fun. It’s summer; don’t focus so much on a fling that you neglect your friends and the sun. Go to the beach, go to bars and really enjoy the summer. If a fling happens, it happens. Don’t force it. That’ll make you look pathetic.


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