CORRECTION: In our Spoof issue (March 27, 2012), Andrew Guilbert was listed as having written two spoof Music in the News briefs entitled “Cougars be all over town” and “It’s Nyan-errrrrriffic!” These were incorrectly attributed to Andrew Guilbert. The following are the briefs written by Andrew Guilbert. The Concordian apologizes for any inconvenience (and irony) this may have caused.
Dubstepping on copyright
Dubstep artist Skrillex will be appearing in an L.A. court next month to face charges of copyright infringement and plagiarism put forth by a Los Angeles based internet dial up modem. The modem has accused the laptop musician of stealing its trademark “annoying-as-shit” sound without any attribution. The machine, whose sound was omnipresent in the mid to late ‘90s, is seeking damages to the tune of $15 million. In an interview with NME magazine, the modem explained its frustration: “Had I known I could’ve marketed the sound of a robot taking a bowel movement, I would’ve done so years ago” and went on to add “SKREE ooooooo WEEoooo WEEE ooooo WEEEooooo SKRAAAAAA.”
Gaga for Old Gods
Lady Gaga’s latest album has raised some eyebrows with its esoteric symbolism and clever hidden meanings. Now in an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, the pop star has revealed the inspiration behind her latest release. “I worship the Great Old Ones who lived ages before there were any men, and who came to the young world out of the sky. Those Old Ones are gone now, inside the earth and under the sea; but their dead bodies had told their secrets in dreams to the first men, who formed a cult which had never died,” said Gaga, who went on to qualify her work as the droning death chants which shall call the believers together at the appropriate time. “Some day he will call, when the stars are ready, and the secret cult will be waiting to liberate him.” The “Born This Way” singer ended the interview with a very special message intended for her little monsters: “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!”