Let’s talk about sex

Sometimes it’s not about getting there, it’s about enjoying the ride

The elusive female orgasm has always been a topic of fascination. Articles about “how to have the best one,” and “what’s wrong with you or your partner if you can’t achieve it” have found their way into almost every magazine targeted at women.

But the thing about female orgasms is that they are not the be all, end all of sex. And there is nothing wrong with you if it takes you more time to get there, or if you cannot get there at all.

Many men feel that intercourse is not over until they have climaxed, and while it would be ideal for both parties to have an orgasm, sometimes it’s just not in the cards. They are definitely appreciated but are not necessary for a sexual experience to be pleasurable.

Many women can enjoy sex without orgasms. Some women are incapable of reaching orgasm at all; in fact, anorgasmia occurs in around 10 per cent of women, according to the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC).

Others simply need different stimulation — there isn’t something wrong with your partner, and you’re not “frigid,” if you cannot achieve orgasm simply through intercourse. Only one third of women climax through penetrative intercourse alone, according to SOGC. The remaining women either need extra stimulation during intercourse or can only achieve it through manual or oral stimulation.

The bottom line is, there is no right or wrong way to climax. If it takes you an hour, so be it; if it takes you five minutes, that’s okay too.

The other myth that often gets thrown around is that if a woman cannot climax it is her partner’s fault. This is hurtful to both parties, but that doesn’t mean that you should stop trying if your partner is having trouble getting there quickly. It could just be that the wrong stimulation is being used and for not enough time. Since achieving orgasm can prove to be a bit trickier for some women, sometimes the key is simply to relax. We’ve all heard that the female orgasm is a mental phenomenon as much as a physical one, so overthinking it can actually make it harder to climax. Fantasizing can also help by focusing the mind on something else and by aiding with arousal. There are various ways to get there, but if you still can’t, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

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