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Introducing: Ask a Wizard

by The Concordian September 1, 2015
Introducing: Ask a Wizard

A truly magical advice column

Greetings from the Rift!

I am the Grand Wizard Trynamingus, President and CEO of Ask a Wizard, the world’s favourite (and only) source of sage, arcane advice.

Trynamingus III - Grand Wizard

Trynamingus III – Grand Wizard

You might be thinking, “What do I ask a wizard?” and my answer to you is, “anything!”

Although many wizards have very narrow interests, such as faerie-wrangling, vortex-diving, and spelunking the Unknown, they are quite knowledgeable in a variety of non-magical fields.

For example, most wizards have exceptional dinner etiquette. They even have experience with complex social interactions, necessitated by the strict Wizarding Codes of Conduct that count the transmogrification of displeasing persons into bricks as a capital offense.

Some wizards have even contrived the means to live for hundreds of years and, though they don’t like to talk about it, there are even a few time-travelers among us. Obviously this allows us to offer insight into human history, as well as the ability to alter history itself! Alas, that is also a capital offense under the Wizarding Codes, so don’t ask us for a do-over.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, wizards are voracious readers of prose and poetry and consumers of great quantities of tea. Questions regarding great works of literature often yield debates among the dustiest wizards, but I know a few who are willing to stoop to discuss books studied at the ENG 200 and 300-levels.

Because not every wizard can afford to keep a qualified apprentice or team of acolytes, many have become passable culinary wizards, though it’s not considered a domain of serious scholarship. Some unexpected favourites include Nutella on anything and pints of Cornish mead with phoenix tears (for zest).

The wizards of Ask a Wizard are willing to attend to even the most mundane and practical inquiries, so there is no need to worry about whether or not a question is too plebeian for sorcerers of such stature. Many a decent wizard started out as the plainest of plebs, just think of that fellow with the facial scar in England—perfectly decent!

With that being said, it’s no secret that wizards enjoy a certain amount of mystery. You might say that it’s our highest virtue and greatest vice all at once: knowledge and understanding being but tools in worthy or unworthy hands. Feel free then, to submit your most challenging queries and together with a magical guide you may begin sounding the depths of that which is not known.

But be warned! Many wizards take to waxing philosophical and do not hold the physical sciences in the highest esteem, preferring to rely on the metaphysical, which they consider far more reliable.

So if you’re willing, come take a metaphorical stroll with a wizard through the mists of time, the expanse of space, and explore the chambers of the soul.

Don’t delay, send questions to the wizards waiting at opinions@theconcordian.com or @TheConcordian on Twitter or Facebook.

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