Accepting that it’s okay to not be the one
Welcome to the first ever “The Art of Being Single!” This bi-weekly column is dedicated to being single and ready to mingle, despite life having other plans for you, and how much this can (mostly) suck. I hope this assures you that you’re not alone in struggling to deal with being single, and I hope to be that little voice of encouragement at the back of your head, saying everything will work out in the end. But until then, make an art out of being single.
The year 2018 was a relatively rough year in terms of love and relationships. I was getting over a breakup I was salty about. I was ghosted a lot (recurring theme in my life; it’s really annoying). I shot my shot (multiple times) and failed. A lot of my friends shot their shot and succeeded. I’m still single.
I was, and still am, the friend that doesn’t get approached at school or at a bar or club very often. I might have some casual conversation, but I’m rarely hit on; I am usually spoken to as “one of the guys” or am used by some guy to get to my friend, who he thinks is “hot.” And with every right––my friends are magnificent people, inside and out.
At first, this––never being “the one”––would really bother me. Why am I single? What do they have that I don’t? Will I end up alone forever? What is wrong with me? Although it sometimes may feel like I’m alone in having these thoughts, I know I’m not. There are people who feel the same way, thinking, When will my time come?
I’ve come to realize that there’s nothing wrong with me, or with you, or with anyone who’s single and never had a long-term relationship. I’ve learnt that I don’t lack anything; neither do you. The only thing “wrong” with us is that we haven’t found someone we’re compatible with on every level.
Sure, it does suck sometimes. It sucks when some of your friends are in long-term relationships, others are just getting in one and the rest have no problem being single. It sucks when it seems like everyone around you has someone––everyone but you.
It’s taken a long time to realize and come to peace with, but there’s nothing wrong with being single; there’s nothing wrong with you. In some ways, being single at this stage in our lives might be a blessing: as university students, we already have a lot on our plates. Do we really need to be starting a relationship? While you’re single, learn about yourself; learn how to be with yourself and how to love yourself. If you already know how, then just sit tight and be patient; everything works out in the end.