The art of being single: You gotta ask for what you want

Graphic by Loreanna Lastoria

There’s a cute person in your class you want to ask out on a date? There’s an attractive person at the bar/club you want to hook up with? There’s someone you wouldn’t mind platonically making out with? You’re absolutely in love with someone and wish you could be with them forever? 

Cool! But what are you gonna do about it?

The amount of people who want to be with someone – in any capacity – but don’t do anything about it BOGGLES MY MIND. Do you think you’re going to get what you want if you just admire someone from afar or don’t go for what you want? No, you won’t.

That stranger in the club likely can’t hear what you’re saying; they definitely can’t read your mind. That cute person in your class can probably see all the subtle hints you’re leaving, but something likely won’t come from it if you don’t make an effort. Not sure if that person you know is down to fool around? You’re not going to find out by not asking, now, are you?

So many of you – yes, I’m calling you all out – are so afraid of rejection or of your pride and ego being even remotely dismantled that you don’t put yourself out there to get what you want. You won’t get what you want in love, in life, in your career, literally anything, if you don’t put your pride and fear of rejection on the back burner and ask for what you want.

What’s the worst thing that can happen? They say no. And that’s not the end of the world. There doesn’t have to be any awkwardness, anger, animosity, whatever else, if things don’t work out. We’re all adults; if the answer is no, or if it was yes but it didn’t end up working out as planned, learn from it and move on.

It’s time for everyone to stop being scared of failing or “potentially ruining what you have” and to just ask for what you want. You never know if you’re going to succeed if you don’t try. Also, consent is sexy, people! At all stages and circumstances, consent is sexy and necessary.

On the note of trying, though, if you tried and someone is not interested, don’t keep asking. Good for you for having asked for what you wanted, but also be aware and receiving of other people’s responses too – or else things can get awkward.

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