Spoiler alert — it’s unrealistic!
The pressure to excel as early as we can in the 21st century is absolutely insane. Our prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until we’re 25, and yet it can feel like we need to have everything figured out and hardwired in our brains before we hit that big two-five. It’s almost like our lives are over as soon as we’re a quarter-century old.
We’ve all had those instances where we’ve seen what other people our age are doing and accomplishing in their lives, whether it’s an internship at a well-known company, making critical investments, or big adult purchases. From there, it’s really easy to contemplate our lives and wonder if we should be doing more, feeling that we’re falling behind and wishing we were more successful.
Nowadays, it isn’t good enough to be good — you must be exceptional.
It’s a trap I’ve fallen into many times during my 21 years of living, but I think, like many of us, this pressure started with university applications at 18, because their results would define what the near future would look like.
In Western society, success is commonly defined as doing something particular to get external validation, the most common being getting married, having kids, and finding a job to support it. In previous generations, fitting that mold was a significant characterization of success. Being unique and standing out wasn’t really in the cards like it is now.
Our early 20s are when many of us feel lost, and we want to go back on the decisions we made when we were 18. With adulthood beginning, that specific path planned by society has many of us feeling pressured by that all too familiar feeling of “Well, now what?!”
There are so many choices to make, but remember that there’s rarely one choice that you make now that won’t fluctuate and change as you get older. You are building a foundation for your future, but the reassuring part is that a foundation created by you can be altered only by you as time progresses.
It’s great to see all of the self-made people on social media, but it’s also important to remember that a lot of those people may have success set up for them in more ways than one, and are probably not people we should compare ourselves to. Their lives might be admirable, but they are unrealistic, especially for full-time students. We lack the funding and the time to go to Pilates at 5 a.m. and buy an $18 green smoothie afterwards.
So, what defines success in your 20s in this day and age? That is determined by no one other than you.
It can mean cutting ties with anyone or anything that is toxic. Maybe it’s giving yourself a year to learn about investing your money, going to therapy, building a portfolio, or travelling to a new place. But overall, make sure that these goals align with who you want to be and who you are currently — keep it realistic.
There’s also nothing wrong with the “typical” milestones of success in your 20s, but try to ensure that that isn’t the only thing that defines your personal success.
We all want to be the best versions of ourselves, and our twenties are for discovering who we are and determining how to do so, because there are many successful versions of ourselves to discover.
