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Thousands of umbrella toting marchers filled Ste-Catherine St. on Thursday for Centraide’s “March of 1,000 Umbrellas.” The march began at McGill College Ave. and ended at the Complexe Desjardins. It kicked off the 2009 fundraising campaign for Centraide, which provides help to needy families, and promotes social and community involvement. The umbrellas are supposed to be a symbolic reminder of the vulnerability of impoverished and isolated families. But they did come in handy in the rain.

Montrealers will vote in municipal elections on Nov. 1. This newspaper has already stated that students should feel obliged to participate in this process. In the coming weeks, we will feature interviews with political organizers of various ideological stripes to help Concordia students get a grasp of the issues and make an informed decision. We will withhold our editorial endorsement until the week of the election to give students an opportunity to form their own opinion.
In preparation for the weeks to come, in this issue we are giving you a full breakdown of municipal politics &- who’s running, how the system works, how to vote &- so as to better prepare you for the upcoming elections. We hope that you will consider this information seriously and participate by casting your ballot when the time comes.

1) The System
Montreal will not just be electing a mayor on Nov. 1, but will also be voting for city councillors, borough mayors and borough councillors.
The mayoralty is both the executive in city hall and the first among equals in city council, much like the Prime minister of Canada. So while the result of the mayoral race is important, the character of city council will be determined by which party wins the most seats. Unlike other major Canadian cities, there are political parties at the municipal level in Montreal. The parties each have slates of candidates running for council and a candidate for mayor. This means one can vote for the councillor for party X in their riding and the mayor for party Y.
Furthermore, while the city council is important, many of the decisions that affect your daily life come at the borough level. Borough responsibilities include urban planning, road maintenance, garbage pick up and the issuing of permits. So it is equally important for people to be informed of who is running in their borough.

2) The candidates
There are three main candidates running for mayor: incumbent Gerald Tremblay of Union Montréal, Louise Harel of Vision Montréal and Richard Bergeron of Projet Montréal.
Tremblay has been the mayor since 2002. Though he has been an effective mayor overall, his two terms have been plagued by scandals and allegations of corruption. He is still leading in the polls, but his support is waining.
Harel’s Vision Montréal party is the current official opposition in city hall. Vision was in power until 2002 under mayor Pierre Bourque who lost to Tremblay. Bourque’s government is praised for starting the Éco-quartiers program, reopening the Lachine Canal and balancing the municipal budget, but blamed for the fallout after the failed municipal merger. Harel stands a good chance at being elected, but has been criticized for her extremely poor English. She has vowed to learn English if she wins.
Projet Montréal is the dark horse party in these elections. The party is relatively new, and only recently won their first seat at city council. Bergeron, the party’s candidate for mayor is outspokenly progressive and has been accused of being anti business and anti development. Though his party is not polling as strongly as the two main contenders, their shortcoming and his status as an outsider could allow him to squeeze his way into city hall.

3) How to vote
Registering to vote is a simple and easy process. Not having registered is not an excuse for not voting. To be eligible to vote, you much be 18 years of age or older as of Nov. 1, a Canadian citizen, be living in Montreal and have been living in Quebec since March 1, 2009. All you need to vote is one piece of official identification. To find out where to vote you need to contact your local returning officer.

Important Links

Élections Quebec, who organize the voting
www.electionsquebec.qc.ca

Websites of the three main parties

Union Montréal
unionmontreal.com

Vision Montréal
www.visionmtl.com

Projet Montréal
www.projetmontreal.org

• Oct. 13, 2009
  In the issue of Sept. 29, 2009, a photo taken of Concordia students rappelling down a building was supposed to be credited to Cindy Lopez.

  We apologize for the mistake.

• Oct. 13, 2009
  In the issue of Sept. 29, 2009, a photo taken from the Car Free Days in Montreal was supposd to be credited to Jamie Rosen.

  We apologize for the mistake.

• Oct. 6, 2009
  In our Sept. 25 issue a quote was wrongly attributed to Ted McGregor when it should have been attributed to David Biddle.

  The Concordian regrets the error.

• Oct. 6, 2009
  The Sept. 29 article “Rosenshein suing ASEQ for $130,000” stated that Lev Bukhman claimed Steven Rosenshein had acted as campaign manager for the Unity slate during the Spring 2007 elections. This was an error, Bukhman’s allegations concern the Spring 2008 elections.

  The Concordian apologizes for this error.

• Sept. 29, 2009
  The picture from the article “Detour makes all the wrong turns”, published on Sept. 15 was wrongfully credited. The picture was taken by Milosz Rowicki.

  The Concordian regret the error.

• Sept. 29, 2009
  The picture was from the article “Treason is open to debate”, publisehd on Sept. 15 was wrongfully credited. The picture was taken by Terry Hughes.

  The Concordian regret the error.

The Concordia women’s soccer team won their first game of the season shutting out the Université du Québec à Montréal Citadins, 2-0.
Coming off a five game losing streak the Stingers were determined to take to take an early lead. Three minutes in, mission accomplished: Forward Andrea Davidson scored the first goal of the game on a free kick, the ball soaring just over the wall of players into the top right corner.
For the rest of the first half the Stingers were a team transformed. UQAM players tried their best to get through, but Concordia had them blocked at every turn. Stingers’ mid-fielder, Molly Howes, showed no mercy, constantly being first on the ball. Towards the end of the half the Citadins began putting up a fight, finally getting the ball out of their corner. With five minutes left UQAM had a series of shots on net as well as a free kick, all of which were saved by Stingers goaltender, Fanny Berthiaume.
At the start of the second half UQAM players were clearly hungry for a chance at the net, but the Stingers were determined to keep the lead. Ten minutes in there was a close call when there was a scramble around the Stingers net resulting in Berthiaume taking a shot to the face and Stingers defensemen, Catherine Lalonde, booting the ball out of the crease. It looked for a second as though the Stingers’ goalie might have to be taken out of the game, but true to form she chose to stay on and tough it out. As if to prove the injury hadn’t fazed her, Berthiaume performed a number of stunning saves in the minutes that followed.
Buoyed by a successful first half and the dedication of their goalie, the Stingers blazed through the second half making a beautiful play mid-way through, when Howes headed the ball to Stingers’ defense player Allison Burgess who headed it in.
After the second goal, UQAM was fighting harder than ever to catch up, even landing a breakaway towards the end of the half, which was successfully saved by Berthiaume. The Stingers, however, were not about the give up their first victory of the season and kept the Citadins at bay right up until then end of the game.
“This was a team we knew we had to beat,” said head coach Jorge Sanchez, clearly proud of his team. “The players were practicing hard every time they stepped on the field. It was just a matter of taking some of the practice stuff that was working and having it happen in games and today we saw it, everything came together.”

The Marijuana Party of Canada’s founder was on hand to help celebrate the 10th anniversary of medical marijuana distribution in Montreal.
The past 10 years have been a bit of an uphill battle, Marc-Boris Saint-Maurice said.
Medical marijuana is available to members of Montreal’s Compassion Centre where the celebration, hosted by two original founders of the movement, took place last week.
While the centre aims to provide safe and reliable marijuana (and cookies and muffins) for medicinal purposes, its mission has been challenged by Health Canada and family doctors.
“Doctors are afraid to sign the permit, due to increased discrimination against them, so we take responsibility for those patients,” said Saint-Maurice.
Patients with HIV/AIDS, cancer, hepatitis C or epilepsy, for example, need official documents attesting to their illness in order to become members. The centre will examine patients who can’t obtain a signed Health Canada permit from their doctors.
The centre makes a point of telling its clients that although their membership allows them to administer their medication wherever they please, it does not give them immunity from authorities.
A Health Canada spokesperson said the centre does not have the right to operate. “It has no legal authority to provide access or to produce and distribute marijuana,” said Health Canada spokesperson Gary Scott Holub.
According to Health Canada, once a patient has a permit, they can either get their medication from the government agency, or apply for a licence allowing them or a friend to grow a crop.
Of the estimated million medical marijuana users nation-wide, only 3,000 Canadians (about 10 per cent of which are Quebecers) have official permits, according to the centre’s statistician.
Saint-Maurice said the process of obtaining a permit, which can take months, is too long and complex. “This is time most suffering people don’t have,” he said.

WATERLOO, Ont. (CUP) &- Our generation of women has been brought up in the era of Ginger Spice’s “Girl Power,” Samantha Jones’s fabulousness and Angelina Jolie’s Billy-Bob-sex-in-the-limo-leather-pants-snake-tattoo days. These women have become icons in the eyes of the twenty-something girl for their ball-busting feminist attitude.
Women with strong sexual influence have flooded pop culture and taken the front stage of controversy and success, but what does it mean to be a sexually empowered, arguably promiscuous woman today?
At university there are no parents to answer to, no walk of shame too embarrassing and copious amounts of sexual possibilities at every corner. Sex is easy at university, if not encouraged, but many girls still find large kill counts to be taboo.
Promiscuity is difficult to define, as sexual experience is often relative to one’s situation and point of view. Religion, culture, age, status and maturity all come into play when considering sexual prowess.
However, the fact that female promiscuity comes with more negative connotations than male promiscuity is sheer ignorance.
Women can reside in two different categories when it comes to unattached sex. Some women, due to low self-esteem and self-worth, partake in one night stands to fulfil emotional needs they are unable to access in healthy relationships. Because they are struggling with their identities, they seek out immediate, interested partners; this becomes painful and damaging when those partners are solely interested in uncommitted relationships and sex.
Other women enjoy sex and do not have the time or concern for relationships. Everyone knows the double standard that exists between men and women when it comes to wanting sex for the sake of sex.
It is true that women can enjoy the physical component of sex without requiring the emotional attachment, just like some men require an emotional attachment to their sexual partners.
Furthermore, promiscuous women and men must take responsibility for their bodies if they become intimate with many partners by using protection, taking the pill and regular STI and HIV checkups.
There are also risks involved in having multiple partners that are more than just STI related.
Entering a stranger’s home, or leaving friends intoxicated with a new partner on a regular basis leaves one open to situations a lone female would not want to be in. Also, bringing someone back to your place may seem safer but has resulted in situations involving stalkers.
If you’re going to be participating in one night stands you have to do it responsibly. Make sure you are able to protect yourself by having a phone to reach friends, money to pay for cabs and the strength to voice worries and stand your ground.
There is a certain amount of sexual empowerment that comes with being a woman, as she is free to choose her partners and the level of intimacy. If a woman responsibly and maturely participates in sex then she should also be free to do so without feeling ashamed about herself.

There is now a glimmer of hope in the Stingers’ final push for a playoff spot as Gerry McGrath’s men ran away with the win against the Sherbrooke Vert et Or at home during the annual Shrine Bowl game on Saturday.
Leading the way was offensive player of the game Liam Mahoney, who had 13 receptions and scored two touchdowns, and cornerback Nathan Taylor, who dominated with eight solo tackles and was awarded best defensive player honors. Although Sherbrooke did manage to rally after a slow start, Concordia succesfully closed out the game with a score of 34-22.
With the zero finally removed from the victory column, the Stingers can now breathe a quick sigh of relief as their losing skid is now a thing of the past.
“This victory feels amazing. We were 0-4 and we came out and did everything right. The whole team did its job and that’s why we won”, said Taylor.
To say the Stingers did their job is an understatement. The team came onto the field with both energy and desperation- you could see from the bench that this was a team thirsty for a win.
The first half went especially well for the Stingers. While Concordia’s defense kept things tight on its end by putting tremendous pressure on Sherbrooke quarterback Jean-Philippe Shoiry, the team’s offence, managed to get on the board early when Mahoney ran a ten yard pass from Rob Mackay to score his first touchdown of the day. Sherbrooke continued to struggle on their drives and went absolutely nowhere on the turf, paving the way for momentum-building on the Stingers side. With the seconds dying out during the first quarter, Shoiry was sacked by defensive end Devon Mitchell, resulting in a Sherbrooke fumble near their 20 yard line. The Stingers were quick to recover, and Cory Watson scored a touchdown on the drive’s first and only play.
Mahoney continued his stellar play during the second quarter as the wide receiver ran a whopping 82 yards to score his final touchdown of the game. However, the Vert et Or offence was starting to show signs of life by that time. With minutes left in the first half, Concordia’s defense failed to take notice of Pascal Fils, who despite being Sherbrooke’s best player, was wide open. Fils had but eight yards to run in order to finally put his team on the board. Still, there was no reason to panic just yet since the Stingers entered the second half with a 16 point lead.
The game quickly became a nail-biter for both Concordia and Sherbrooke fans as the Vert et Or took little time to get back on the board. Wide receiver Alex Poirier added to his team’s quick comeback, narrowing the Stingers lead. Once again, Poirier was wide open, and Concordia’s defense was once again looking rusty. Add two field goals on each side and two Sherbrooke safeties (both intentional), and the Stingers had themselves another close game.
Thankfully, the Stingers picked up the pace in time after losing some momentum throughout the second half. After moving into Sherbrooke territory following an 81 yard drive, running back Cedric Ferdinand scored a touchdown on his only reception of the game. The Vert et Or attempted to complete the rally during the final minutes of the game, but it was too little too late. The Stingers won their first game of the season and at the same time avenged their loss to Sherbrooke just weeks ago.
The Stingers were all smiles when they received the Shrine Bowl after the game, but the rest of the season is sure to be a long and trying one. The team is entering a bye-week going into the Thanksgiving holiday, after which they will hit the long road to Nova Scotia.
Nathan Taylor believes the break will be a good thing for his team.
“We really need to rest. We have some injuries we need to tend to, and we have some time to relax and just enjoy the victory. When we come back, we’ll be stronger than ever.”
The Stingers will face the University of Acadia Axemen in Nova Scotia on Oct. 17.

Opposition is mounting in Quebec to two bills proposed by the provincial government that would change the way universities are run in the province.
Critics say the move, which will standardize university governance, will take control away from students and faculty, and give it to businesspeople and the provincial government.
Bill 38 would require university boards to have at least 60 per cent of their membership come from outside the university, while Bill 44 would require universities to seek government approval before taking out large loans.
The government has said the bills are a reaction to the financial crisis at the Université du Québec à Montréal. In 2007 the university nearly went bankrupt after a construction project was more than $100 million over budget.
Last Tuesday, 13 of Quebec’s 18 universities presented their opposition to the bills at public consultations. University leaders said the government should respect the individual nature of the schools.
On Thursday over 400 people, mostly UQAM students joined by some faculty and staff, protested outside a downtown Montreal branch office of the ministry of education.
“It’s not useful, it’s not necessary, it’s not efficient,” said Olivier Jégou of the Table de Concertation étudiante du Québec, a student lobby group that helped organize the protest.
He said the government hasn’t shown any actual problem the bills will solve.
The bills, which are currently undergoing public consultation, were first brought up last fall, but died when the provincial election began last December.
Student and faculty lobby groups have taken issue with the high number of “independent members” required in Bill 38 because these board members come from the private sector.
Universities and CEGEPs have an “academic mission, a scientific mission and a training mission,” said Max Roy, president of the Fédération québécoise des professeures et professeurs d’université. “They’re not there to serve private enterprise.”
He said that universities are public, and need to remain so, adding that private enterprise has conflicting goals with universities’ public mission
Michèle Beaudoin, vice president of the Fédération du personnel professionnel des universités et de la recherché said her organization was also opposed to the new law. She wants to see more representation on university board from all levels of people involved with universities.
The new rules would have the greatest effect at schools that draw a large percentage of their board from inside the university, like Bishop’s and the Université de Montréal.
Universities like Concordia and McGill would not be affected since the majority of their boards already come from outside the university, .
The new rules would also require at least 25 per cent of a university’s board to represent staff, faculty and students.
The new law would also give the government the power to appoint one member to university boards. McGill, Concordia and Bishop’s do not currently have any board members appointed by the government.
U de M already has several board members appointed by the government, while the government appoints the entire board of the Université du Québec.
Bill 44 would require universities to receive provincial authorization in order to take out large loans. It would also remove academic deans from university and CEGEP boards.
According to Jégou, Bill 44 treats universities like private companies.
“When they talk about risk they are talking only about investment.” He said the government should set different rules for universities, “because universities don’t trade on the market.”

Abousfian Abdelrazik, the Montrealer who was arrested in Sudan on terrorism charges and marooned there for several years, is embarking on a speaking tour to share his story. Sadly, stories like his are becoming the norm under Canada’s current government. Since Stephen Harper took power, there have been at least five high profile cases in which the government has refused to repatriate a citizen trapped in another country.
During his on-again off-again incarceration in Sudan, Abdelrazik underwent a schedule of torture punctuated by visits from FBI and Canadian Security Intelligence Service agents. After finally being released for the second time in July 2005 and being cleared of all terrorist allegations, Abdelrazik found himself in legal limbo. Canadian officials told him that he was free to return home, but that they would not issue him the necessary documents.
He eventually was allowed access to one-time emergency documentation to facilitate his return to Canada, but was unable to travel because the United Nations had his name on a list of suspected terrorists. The list freezes a suspect’s assets, imposes an arms embargo and restricts them from flying.
It took until April of 2008 for the Harper government to request that Abdelrazik’s name be removed from the list, nearly three years after he was cleared of his suspected terrorist ties. Abdelrazik’s case is just one of many examples of the Canadian government’s increasing complicity with torture and human rights violations.
Section Six of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms states that “every citizen of Canada has the right to enter, remain in and leave Canada.” The Harper government however seems less concerned with respecting Abdelrazik’s rights than protecting their own interests.
In late 2005 Odette Gaudet-Fee, a senior Foreign Affairs official in Ottawa, wrote that in relation to Abdelrazik: “Should this case break wide open in the media, we may have a lot to explaining to do.”
The Canadian government knowingly used questionable intelligence to facilitate Abdelrazik’s detention in a country known to torture prisoners, a roundabout method of engaging in extraordinary rendition. What’s more, Abdelrazik’s case is not even the most heinous. The Harper government’s persistent unwillingness to let Canadian citizens come home is deeply concerning.
No case is more concerning than that of Omar Khadr. Khadr was arrested by the American military when he was 14-years-old &- a child by definition &- and has been held at the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay ever since. The government is not only refusing to honour Khadr’s rights as a Canadian citizen, they are defying the courts as well. Though judges have told them again and again that Khadr must be repatriated, the government had continually appealed. The case will now be reviewed by the Supreme Court, and taxpayers will be footing the bill. Khadr was a child at the time he committed his “crime,” he is a citizen born in Canada, and he has the right to return home.
Perhaps equally heinous is the case of Maher Arar. An otherwise upstanding dual citizen of Canada and Syria, Arar was arrested while crossing the American border and deported to Syria where he was imprisoned and tortured for a year. He was given no trial, no chance do defend himself, and he had done nothing wrong. But the Canadian government left him to suffer in a Syrian prison.
Then there’s Suaad Haji Mohamud, who was visiting family in Kenya when border authorities accused her of passport fraud and arrested her. It took almost three months for the government to bring her home.
And what about Ronald Allen Smith, the Canadian citizen waiting on death row in Montana? Canada does not have capital punishment, and there is a process for bringing him back and letting him serve his time in Canada, but Harper’s government has explicitly refused to bring him home. In Canada, our government doesn’t get to choose who lives and dies, but Harper has decided to ignore that principle.
I hesitate to even mention the fact that for the most part these people tend to be visible minorities and have Arabic-sounding names. Would Johnny Canuck have been left to suffer in a rogue state?
The government hasn’t even feigned ignorance in any of these cases. They’ve known full well what has been happening and where, who’s being detained and who’s not. They are intentionally leaving these people to be tortured or otherwise abused in foreign countries. The Canadian government should stand up for and protect its citizens, not abandon them.

After five long years of watching McGill carry home the title, the Concordia women’s rugby team finally brought home the cup named for a fallen Stinger.
The cup is in memory of Kelly-Anne Drummond, who played for Concordia’s rugby club and was murdered by her boyfriend on October 4, 2004.
On Tuesday night at Loyola Field, it wasn’t the game that mattered, or the title, or the bragging rights. What mattered was remembering Kelly-Anne and to support her family and families like hers that have been affected by domestic abuse.
“Kelly-Anne was a really happy girl, she loved rugby, she loved going to Concordia,” said her mother Doreen Haddad, “I had 24 wonderful years with her.”
“She was really dependable and super funny,” recalled Melanie Tranchemontange with tears brimming up, ” she was really where you needed her to be on the field and as a friend.” Tranchemontange was the last player to compete with Drummond in a Stinger uniform. Unfortunately, Tranchemontange graduated last year and therefore never got to raise the cup.
The event is more than just a game, it is also an opportunity to raise money and awareness to battle domestic abuse. This year almost $1,200 was raised for WomenAWARE, a Montreal-based group that helps families and victims with legal aid and support.
Every year since Drummond’s passing, the cup has been fought for by cross-town rivals McGill and Concordia. Every year the Stingers have watched the Martlets take home the cup– except this year.
The Stingers were able to break the streak with tries from Cortney Keeble, Lea Leahy and Jackie Tittley to take home the victory 24-7. Jessica Wong was the lone scorer for the Martlets. It was a cohesive effort by the Stingers as the coaching staff decided to start players that don’t normally get the opportunity to open the game.
“They fought for it and they capitalized on our mistakes and they deserved it,” conceded McGill captain Melany Waring. The Martlets have been honoured to be part of this event and as Waring puts it, the score doesn’t matter but that, “today it just meant loving the game.”
Haddad agrees and knows that somewhere, Kelly-Anne is cheering along with the crowd. “They (the Stingers) deserved it and maybe Kelly-Anne had something to do with it, she would be absolutely proud right now.”

For more information on WomenAWARE please visit www.womenaware.ca

Speaking at Concordia, award-wining author and alumnus Rawi Hage was honoured, particularly by the Lebanese in the audience, for his work about the 1970s Lebanese civil war.
Hage, appearing comfortable and casual with his arm slung over the back of his chair, answered questions and accepted praise about his life and writing.
Fellow members of the Lebanese community expressed their congratulations and deep thanks, showing the profound impact his work has had on them as well as on their shared cultural history.
Hage was grateful for their compliments, joking that the only other Lebanese to congratulate him before that night was his mother.
The author spent part of the evening describing the experience of writing his first novel, De Niro’s Game. The book focuses on civil-war-ravaged Lebanon, something Hage experienced first-hand.
“I don’t recall the state of mind I was in. It was all so fast, a blur,” he said. “It must have been some kind of emotional reaction or blockage. But since writing the book, I think less about the civil war, so it must have done something good.”
Cockroach is his latest work, and is set in Montreal where he now lives.
Hage earned his B.A, not in creative writing, but in photography at Concordia.
He was pointed in explaining his disassociation from the creative writing program. “I don’t come from creative writing,” he said when asked why he does not use quotation marks. “I don’t think quotes are necessary. It’s not experimental. It’s just laziness.” When host Peter Webb mentioned that creative writing students were in the audience, Hage dropped his head and said, “Oh no.” Laughter erupted when he then put on his glasses to scan the audience, saying in an almost sinister tone, “Oh yes, I can see them.”
Hage is presently at work on his next novel, the details of which he did not reveal.

This is animal week.
Aries &- March 21 to April 20

You are Orca, noble guardian of the waves. You are not widely loved in the animal kingdom, but you are feared and respected. You deliver swift and objective justice with your powerful jaws and your keen senses. Although you have a large decorative eye patch, your eyes are in fact quite small.

Taurus &- April 21 to May 21

You are Penguin. Winter is long and hard for you. It is a long trip into a cold dark country. And when you’re done, you’ll get to return to the ocean, with abundant food and endless fun. But the oceans are not always safe, so be careful. For now, look forward to the season ahead. You and the others will huddle together for warmth, and there’s no better feeling than being at centre of a waddle of penguins.

Gemini &- May 22 to June 21

You are Seal. Scourge of the sea, you live your life between the water and the shore. You dive deep and swim with the fish, but you are not of them. You prey on helpless penguin, and nature frowns on you for it, but Orca hunts you, and plays with your body before eating you. Be wary.

Cancer &- June 22 to July 23

You are Dog, loyal companion, friend of man. But man takes more than he gives: in his eyes you are servile. Sit dog, lie down dog, roll over dog. He leaves you locked in his house alone for hours on end, and puts bonds around your neck. He takes your children and sells them for profit, with cold knives he takes your gender from you.

Leo &- July 24 to August 23

You are Cat. Sly, sneaky trickster. Beast of nine lives. You blend into backgrounds, you observe without interfering. You hunt stealthily, and always make time for leisure. You love your milk, you love your tuna. Remember what they say of your curious nature, and remember that you have nine lives.

Virgo &- August 24 to September 23

You are Goldfish. What happened three seconds ago? You probably don’t remember. Let me fill you in: your last three seconds were exactly like the three seconds before. You were in a glass bowl of water, with rocks on the bottom. Sometimes flakes of food fall in from above, something to do. And you’ll live out your days like this. What happened three seconds ago?

Libra &- September 24 to October 23

You are Cow. Eat some grass, digest it, regurgitate it, eat it again, do it three more times. Mmm, cud. Udders been feeling heavy lately? Maybe it’s time for a milking. I know a lot of cows use those mechanical milkers these day, but there’s nothing quite like an old fashioned hand milking. Mmm, milk.

Scorpio &- October 24 to November 23

You are Pig. Is there anything you won’t eat? Rumour has it you’ll even chew through bone. You are highly esteemed among the gentiles, but the chosen people will not partake of you, because, though you be cloven hooved, thou chewest not the cud.

Sagittarius &- November 24 to December 21

You are Chicken. Awake early, always orderly, minding the coop. Rooster, your biological companion, wakes up the farmer every morning, heralding in each new day. Be good to rooster, as he has been good to you. If your friends are having trouble laying eggs, give them some of yours, like in Chicken Run.

Capricorn &- December 22 to January 20

You are Lion. Mighty king of beasts, you rule the plains as Orca rules the seas. Your dominion is based on your ability to seem great, while in fact being quite average. You don’t even hunt, but make your women do it for you. Don’t let the others figure out your scam, they won’t appreciate having been tricked.

Aquarius &- January 21 to February 19

You are Tiger. Fearsome and fierce, stealthy but scarce. Are your stripes functional, or just fashionable, either way they look pretty damn cool. Pounce on some prey this week, something badass from a tree and like do the neck biting thing I saw on that nature video.

Pisces &- February 20 to March 20

You are Bear. Hibernation season is coming up and we all know what that means &- hyperphagia time! That’s right, time to bulk up, eat anything and everything, enjoy yourself. Don’t worry about eating too much food, because you’ll be sleeping for a few months, so you’ll lose all the weight. Try and get some honey before sleepytime too, you do love that honey.