New Bobby Fischer biopic is no checkmate

Maguire may catch you in his web, but the film itself may leave you unsatisfied

In chess, once you’ve made your first move, you have over three billion possible combinations to choose from. Bobby Fischer may have known about each and every one of them, and managed to choose the best possible one in a limited amount of time.

Pawn Sacrifice is a biopic depicting the life of the chess master—exposing Fischer’s genius, as well as his slowly unraveling undiagnosed mental illness, which essentially holds him back from possibly achieving even more than he had already achieved as a young man.

Fischer’s gift was evident since he was in his childhood bedroom. Photo still from Pawn Sacrifice.

​Pawn Sacrifice stars Spider-Man—I mean Tobey Maguire—as the game-changing Bobby Fischer and Liev Schreiber as Fischer’s biggest rival, Boris Spassky. The film covers Fischer’s life in the 1970s as he studies in hopes of one day trouncing Spassky and becoming the first American chess player to be considered the best in the world.

The cast was the film’s saving grace. Especially Maguire, who proves that he is more than just the man behind the mask. Rather, he is someone who can compete with Hollywood’s elite when it comes to the “best actor” candidates at the Academy Awards. Watching Maguire portray Bobby Fischer’s paranoia, dedication and egotistical personality was the most entertaining part of the film. Maguire will sadly be overshadowed by the likes of Johnny Depp and Michael Fassbender come awards season, but his performance in Pawn Sacrifice should serve as a cautionary reminder to everyone that he has the chops to hoist the most prestigious award in film sometime in the near future.

Bobby Fischer in the midst of taking down multiple opponents. Photo still from Pawn Sacrifice.

Unfortunately, this film suffers from a disease I just invented called “biopicsafeobia,” which can be described as being just like every other run-of-the-mill biopic that has ever been released. This causes it to lack any kind of originality that would make it stand out to audiences and Academy voters. Unfortunately, the whole film is just utterly forgettable. At times, I felt like the director slowed down the pace, especially in the middle of the film, which caused me to shift in my seat and immediately become less interested in the Fischer story.

Overall, I would have to say the performances by Maguire, Schreiber and Peter Sarsgaard were the saving grace of this film. Without them, I feel like I would have said, “meh” and been unable to write this review because I wouldn’t have remembered a thing. I left the theatre amazed by the fact that one man changed the perception of chess, turning it into a sport the whole world would stop to watch.

Maguire’s acting performance overshadowed the film as a whole. Photo still from Pawn Sacrifice.

One just can’t help but wonder what else Fischer would have accomplished had his undiagnosed mental illness been cured, or never manifested itself in the first place. My final score for the film is three stars out of five, one star for each actor’s stellar performance. Hopefully, filmmakers will see this as an opportunity to find a new way to break new ground on the tired biopic genre.


The stories that sweetened our summer

As we bid farewell to the summer, here are five books we read while on vacation


  1. Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O’Neill (By Lydia Anderson)


Maybe it was because I read it lying underneath trees and blue skies on grassy knolls, but Lullabies for Little Criminals, by Montreal’s own Heather O’Neill, was a book that surpassed the rest of the reads on my summer book list. Little did I know how fitting it would be to read this novel when I first returned to Montreal—most of the novel takes place in this fair city. The book is written from the perspective of Baby, starting from her 12th birthday, and follows her as she navigates her youth with a heroin-addicted father. Not well-off to say the least, the two bounce around apartments as Baby grows more knowledgeable about street life with each passing chapter. Baby’s is a perspective that maintains some innocence and remnants of a childlike worldview, but also introduces readers to the realities of her rougher situation. From foster homes to becoming involved with a pimp, the readers follow Baby as she navigates her reality and speculates about what she’s experiencing. O’Neill’s ability to embody tainted innocence was impressive and prevented me from leaving the book out of my hands for too long. The weather still allows for some reading on a nearby grassy knoll, but not for long, so grab a copy of this novel and enjoy it as much as I did.


  1. You Deserve a Drink: Boozy Misadventures and Tales of Debauchery by Mamrie Hart (By Marco Saveriano)

When I look back at my summer, the first things that come to mind are STIs, hallucinogenic drugs, and endless drunken nights. No, I didn’t spend the last few months on shrooms, getting drunk, and having sex with strangers—my loss, I know—but I did read all about it in Mamrie Hart’s You Deserve A Drink: Boozy Misadventures and Tales of Debauchery.
In a world where it seems like every YouTuber has a book deal, it’s hard not to write them all off, but Mamrie Hart is an exception. Anyone who watches Hart’s videos (notably, her “You Deserve A Drink” series) knows that she has great comedic timing and a gift for coming up with perfect puns—as well as being a master mixologist. I had no doubts that her book would be equally as hilarious.

You Deserve A Drink flawlessly captured Hart’s voice and shared stories so outrageous that if it were anyone else, I would have assumed they were exaggerating. Even though I was tucked away in my basement, curled up in a ball with her book, I felt like I was right there with Hart on spring break at a gay nudist resort, or when she accidentally set her coat on fire—twice—while tripping on shrooms at a Flaming Lips concert. The best part is that Hart never seems like she’s trying too hard. She’s authentically funny, which made for one of the most entertaining books I’ve read in a while. After restraining myself from reading this book cover to cover in one night, I definitely deserved a drink.


  1. Paper Towns by John Green (By: Alex DiMeglio)

While vacationing in Paris I decided to pop my John Green cherry and give Paper Towns a read. The coming-of-age novel follows Quentin “Q” Jacobsen as he spends his last days of high school searching for the love of his life Margo Roth Spiegelman when she goes missing after a night of debauchery.
​Whether I was reading the book on the sands of Saint-Tropez or at a café in Paris, I always managed to forget my surroundings and fall for the witty writing and engrossing mystery, which frustrated me to the point where I just kept on reading because I craved the answers to all the ridiculous questions brought about by the novel. This novel was bought from the ‘young adult’ section, but should be required reading for all of our inner-teenagers that we still cling to, because youth reminds us that we are alive and we should be embracing such a precious gift, as opposed to complaining about it day in and day out. This novel managed to transform an unlikeable main character into a likeable one because his tireless pursuit taught him a valuable lesson. Our life is like a novel—what sort of things can you do to make others want to read it? A truly remarkable read from start to finish, full of humour, passion, romance, a few surprises and enough cheese to remind you that the word impossible shouldn’t exist in our vocabularies.


  1. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues by Tom Robbins (By: Jessica Romera)

Despite it being nearly 400 pages, I devoured Tom Robbins’ Even Cowgirls Get The Blues in a matter of days during my summer break. I was away in Europe for about a month which meant lots of trains, planes and bus rides, so a ridiculous amount of time for reading. I had never read anything by Robbins before, but now my bookshelf is spilling over with more of his novels. This is the story of Sissy Hankshaw, a stunning girl growing up in small-town America. She embodies most of the feminine ideal—Sissy appears to be nearly perfect, except for the fact that she has gigantic oversized thumbs. While she sees these thumbs as a gift, everyone else around her sees them as a grotesque deformity. This prompts her to pick up hitchhiking and she ends up crisscrossing the country. She eventually finds herself on a ranch run exclusively by cowgirls and Robbins weaves Sissy’s narrative into theirs. He uses satire unapologetically while tackling larger social issues predominant during that time, like feminism, free love, experimental drug use and cultural identity (the book was published in 1976). Robbins’ style is easy to digest and ridiculously fun to read—he’s crude, but not unecessarily gross. He uses a ton of vivid descriptors to paint his scenes, but his words are not gratuitously flowery and redundant. If you’re looking for a funny, yet smart read for an upcoming trip, I recommend you give Even Cowgirls Get The Blues a shot.


  1.  Sentimental Education by Gustave Flaubert (By Elijah Bukreev)

Longing for more after falling in love with the prose and style of Madame Bovary, I found myself reading Gustave Flaubert’s Sentimental Education. Like the main character, I was a young student living in Paris—it was during the last month of my exchange. I found the novel in a second-hand bookstore. It was brand new, probably bought by a high schooler for a French class, never read, and discarded as soon as the year was over. And now it was mine. I read it all over the city, sometimes in the very places that were being described.

As with Madame Bovary, which, as far as film adaptations go, has been somewhat misunderstood, it is acutely caricatural, with vibrant characterizations. If in Bovary Flaubert was mostly concerned with deromanticizing typically romantic characters, in Education he was drawing a portrait of the social and political life of his time, the mid-19th century, through the story of a young bourgeois man’s absurd infatuation with an older, married woman, which lasts for decades. Reading it now, in France, it is surprising to see that many things have remained the same.

One of the most poignant passages is the detailed description of a revolution, each step being thoroughly documented. The events unfolded unexpectedly and with shocking speed. Many speeches covered in the novel are things that are still being said today, and there is such recognizable dissatisfaction with the government in the air that many of Flaubert’s points still stand in today’s political landscape.


Sweet dreams, Wes Craven. You will be sorely missed.

The world lost a wonderful filmmaker on August 30th. Here’s to you, Craven!

Those of you who haven’t already heard will be saddened to learn that legendary filmmaker Wes Craven passed away on Sunday, August 30th. The unfortunate cause of death was brain cancer.

The master of modern horror pictured here in 2008. Photo from Flickr user Dan Tentler.

One of the most astonishing things that could be said about Craven is that even after a career spanning 43 years, he never lost his touch when it came to finding new ways to shock the viewer to their very core. After a Wes Craven film, sleep is simply not an option to consider.

This all started back in 1972 when Craven released his first film, The Last House on the Left, which he directed, wrote, produced and edited. Since then, the name Wes Craven has become synonymous with setting the bar high for horror films and for delivering uniquely imaginative entertainments. With every film, he would set the theme of our newest nightmares, ones we never thought could exist.

Even when you aren’t watching his films, Craven’s scariest creations find a way to manifest themselves each and every single Halloween in the form of Craven’s two most iconic characters, Ghostface from the Scream franchise and Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street. Their masks have been worn by both kids and adults hoping to achieve the almighty goal of having the scariest costume, the one that will make people question the very reality that they inhabit.

Through his remarkable filmography and iconic characters that you both fear and embrace simultaneously, Craven has achieved legendary status, and will certainly keep inspiring young filmmakers to find new ways of scaring the pants off of an audience. Because hey, let’s face it, there is some fun to be had in getting scared.

To this day, A Nightmare on Elm Street has, in my humble opinion, the scariest scene of all time. I am talking about Freddy Krueger’s first appearance, as a mere silhouette walking towards us in a dark alleyway, which leads to his arms expanding to the length of the alleyway, making it truly impossible for anyone to run away.

To this day, having a vivid imagination, I cannot watch this scene without getting absolutely terrified and feeling trapped. Another trait that made Craven such a unique director is his devotion to the power of suggestion. He always chose suggestion over the impact of simply showing the carnage or destruction that took place, because, at the end of the day, the scariest thing isn’t necessarily something you can see, but rather something you can conjure with your imagination.

Craven always knew how to turn our own minds against us for the sake of entertainment and that is the sign of a truly gifted filmmaker—because there is nothing scarier than the unlimited power of our imagination.

It’s sad knowing that we can no longer expect a new Wes Craven film to scare us in a whole new way, so on behalf of all the fans—thank you.

Thank you, Wes Craven, for sending chills up our spine, for making sleep something we thought we could give up on and for somehow making counting to 10 one of the most terrifying things ever portrayed in film. We will miss you and we are grateful that you allowed us into your nightmares, because they are still gloriously terrifying.


Interstellar looking galaxies away from a win

Christopher Nolan’s film will likely be overlooked come awards season in favour of traditional movies

With awards season just around the corner, I thought I would take the time to showcase what I believe is the best movie of the past year: Interstellar, a movie written and directed by Christopher Nolan, a movie that has been overlooked so far in the first of Hollywood’s awards shows.

The film explores the distant and bleak future in which Earth’s days are numbered because drought and famine are slowly killing all forms of life, featuring astronauts who go searching for a new planet that can sustain human life. Matthew McConaughey, fresh off of last year’s Oscar win, plays Cooper, a retired astronaut who decides to go on the last mission to try to save mankind.

As a proud film buff I can honestly say that of every movie that I have seen grace the silver screen in 2014, Interstellar is the one I am still thinking about months later.

Nolan impresses with his astonishing visuals and thought-provoking themes, but decides to enter unchartered directorial territory by adding a surprising amount of emotional depth to Interstellar. The father-daughter relationship within the film feels so authentic and honest that it is comparable to real life.

As I was travelling through the CGI depths of space, I was amazed by the film’s ability to provoke thoughts not only about the future, but also religion, life, family, and love. I found it to be truly refreshing, especially when you consider other science fiction movies that are stuck in tunnel vision, with traditional linear plots that usually limit the possible “what ifs” about our future.

With a running time of over three hours, you would think this film would have you growing restless in your seat, or would perhaps lose your interest sometime during its exaggerated length.

Instead, boasting a brilliant score by the masterful Hans Zimmer, this film envelops you into its world, making you beg and plead for this journey not to end.

It had been eons (ha) since I left a film ready and willing to watch it immediately again, knowing very well that I wasn’t going to get sick of it no matter how many times I watched it.

Honestly, no collection of words can possibly describe how brilliant and exciting this film is in my eyes. Nolan has once again proven that he is one of the greatest filmmakers of the modern cinema-scape, with yet another film capable of standing the test of time because of its rewatchability and simply timeless plot, which will make for one hell of an exciting adventure.

Sadly, this is yet another film in Nolan’s already legendary filmography the members of the academy will brush aside like brussels sprouts, in favour of some historical film that took place during a time when they were actually young, or something comparably depressing.

If you haven’t seen Interstellar, please take the time to go enjoy it on the big screen, and join me in the fight to bring original films to the front of the Oscar race, because it is truly astounding to watch something spectacular that started off as a small, preliminary idea in someone’s head.

Since Interstellar likely won’t win best picture this year, here’s hoping Birdman or Grand Budapest Hotel becomes the figurative “first stone cast,” benching historical films from awards season in favour of some more original movies.


“And that kids, is how we ruined the finale”

How I Met Your Mother subject to some serious criticism from long-time fans

CAUTION: if you have not seen the How I Met Your Mother finale, looked at any kind of social media, or you live under a rock but are eager to watch it, I am advised by the unofficial TV junkies rulebook to issue a spoiler alert when it concerns unwatched shows.

For the past nine years HIMYM fans, including yours truly, have been slowly picturing that dreadful day where we would no longer have any new episodes to look forward to because Ted will have finally finished recounting to his kids exactly how he met their mother. Aside from that, we have all been fantasizing and conjuring our ideal finale in our minds, hoping that the writers grant our deepest wishes or at least come very close.

The minute the screen went black, I was left feeling sad because it was over, as well as let down. The writers joined the ranks of other  television finales such as The Sopranos, Seinfeld and Dexter, all of which had the worst possible finales to ever grace our television screens.

After a surprisingly strong final season, the final episode managed to cram way too much into one time slot by spanning the next eleven years of the gang’s life, which is something they should have done over the span of their final season to give the fans more information and context about why all these tragic things happened in the finale.

Barney and Robin getting divorced was a crushing blow that nobody saw coming, given that the writers spent an entire season proving how perfect Barney and Robin were for each other. However, I was perfectly fine with the divorce because it provided a realistic perspective of life that most sitcoms fail to do because they insist on sticking to a Hollywood ending. Well, in the real world, you can’t have the good without the bad because life just doesn’t work that way.

This led to Barney’s character regressing into the same sleaze that he was in season one, losing all of his character development, which I thought was horrible. However, when he accidentally gets a girl pregnant, Barney ends up holding his daughter for the first time and makes a face that is too priceless to even explain. This at least showed fans that the one girl to finally rid Barney of his promiscuous ways was his very own daughter.

When Ted finally met the mother on that train platform, it turned into one of the sweetest moments in television history and solidified how perfect the mother was for Ted.

However, Ted only got to spend eleven years with his soulmate, because she got sick and passed away. After Ted finished telling his story to his kids, we learn that the mother’s actually been dead for six years. This was something that many fans completely despised due to the fact that they adored the mother and killing her off so quickly seemed selfish and made the entire series superfluous. Especially when the writers spun it so that Ted’s kids told him to get back aunt Robin because that’s who their dad loves, leading to Ted standing under Robin’s window with a blue french horn.

Personally, I thought the death of the mother was a beautiful thing. After they killed her and Ted ended up with Robin, I realized how uncertain life could be sometimes and that you should just live each day without regret, because a life of regret isn’t a life worth living. Also, the mother managed to give Ted the greatest gift possible, she gave her best eleven years to him and made sure that he wouldn’t be alone for the rest of his life by pairing him with the one person he never stopped loving.

No finale will ever truly meet our expectations because we set them too high, which always leads to disappointment. I applaud the creators of HIMYM providing a darker angle to the traditional sitcom finale, giving us something we will discuss for years and years to come. We’ll argue about our own takes on the finale and how we would’ve ended it, essentially making this show immortal. I think this what the creators wanted, a show to stand the test of time and never be forgotten. And lets face it, isn’t that what they hope to achieve in show business?


Doing justice to movie reboots and remakes “based on the original”

Filmmakers need to tread lightly when reinventing and reintroducing old material  

Recently, I watched the trailer for what is now the third remake of “Annie” and I’ve got to say, despite having an amazing cast, (aside from Cameron Diaz, who is just painful to watch because she takes the word annoying to a whole new level), this movie looks like an empty remake with nothing original to offer. It also clearly resembles every other “inspirational movie” made in the last decade. I am not excited at all about this film, because it looks like its going to have the exact same effect as the “Karate Kid” reboot, where film producers just hope families will flock to the cinema and make them millions of dollars without really offering them anything exciting in return.

When I consider the amount of scripts floating around Hollywood at this very moment involving remakes and reboots, it brings a tear to my eye. It shows us how unwilling Hollywood is to take chances with scripts featuring original ideas.

Let’s face it: movie producers hate taking chances on movies that may or may not make large sums of money.

Sometimes it’s better to just leave a “classic” movie be. Photo by JeepersMedia, Flickr

However, I don’t consider remakes and reboots to be a bad thing. In fact, I believe they exist for the sole purpose of introducing the concept of classic cinema to today’s younger generation of filmgoers, whose eyes roll and minds begin to wander at the very mention of a black and white or “old” movie.

Now, this isn’t supposed to come off as me telling Hollywood to remake every single movie that comprises the American Film Institute’s “100 Greatest Movies” list, due to the fact that most of the time, the remake doesn’t capture the essence of the original. Or, in some cases, is just plain awful. I’m looking at you Gus Van Sant, and your pathetic “shot for shot” remake of Psycho starring Vince Vaughn.

This is me saying that some films could actually benefit from being remade because of emerging technologies in cinema. Additionally, you can use fresh eyes to give life to an old script, where a contemporary filmmaker has the chance to improve upon the original.

In order for filmmakers to be successful with their remakes and reboots, they must first develop a thorough understanding of the original. Understanding the source material allows you to maintain a sense of the magic that the original film had. That said, I believe originality is also a key component. Adding your own personal touches to the major themes of the original film will offer fans of the old film a whole new experience. This way, it acts as a love letter to the film it’s based on, while entertaining the younger generation through more relatable material. This will give the movie a platform to stand on its own.

Sometimes a movie just needs to be remade because the look of it just doesn’t match up to the emotion being portrayed on-screen before your eyes. For instance, “King Kong” by Peter Jackson was superior to the original in my eyes because the special effects truly added to the story. They enabled a more human look for the ape, so you truly sympathized with him.

Both JJ Abrams’ “Star Trek” and Tim Burton’s “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” are two other remade films that I felt were far superior compared to the originals, because the newly added visual effects really made me feel like I was walking through my imagination.

We should embrace remakes and reboots because who knows, they might help you love and appreciate something that you once hated. Although, if you producers touch any of our favourites in a bad way, I promise that will be the last thing you ever do.


And the award for “most dull” goes to…

As the highest honour achievable in the entertainment industry, it’s safe to say that almost every filmmaker strives to one day bring home an Academy Award. However, despite being the most prestigious title any film can receive, I feel as if the Oscars are slowly losing their appeal and are slipping from their place as the most coveted award for those working in film.

The 86th annual Academy Awards are set to air on Sunday March 2nd.

You may be asking yourselves: why are the televised ceremonies earning more snores than standing ovations?

For one, the LA Times estimated that the current median age for Academy Award voters  is 63. Thats right folks, groups of old geezers are responsible for determining which film is deserving of the “best movie of the year” title. This is likely the reason why so many of our favourite flicks, actors and directors are snubbed in favour of films that fit the Academy’s interests more so than the spectators’.

There are many past examples of actors or directors who may not have made or starred in their absolute best film, but sweep up the statues because they are well liked and known to the Academy. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s one of the problems.

A good portion of these voters are likely too mature to recognize new trends and innovative ideas in cinema. They, quite frankly, are simply too old to really care. This median age is partially what limits the chances of your favourite film even having a remote chance at the  prize. The longer this keeps up, the faster the Oscars risk losing all of their younger viewers in favour of some wrinkled, weary channel surfers.

I’m not saying that this year’s nominees are bad, this is actually the first in many years where we have a three way lead when it comes to which movie will be claiming the night’s top prize.

What I am trying to say is that the Academy should be doing more to reach out to the younger crowd.

An entertaining, risk-taking host is always a great place to start. Enough of this playing it safe business! Ahem, Billy Crystal circa 2012. Every single time a host ends up playing it safe, they get media-trashed the very next day. Nobody, certainly no host, ever accomplished anything memorable by simply playing it safe. Besides, I say that if you can’t take take a joke, why are you in show business in the first place? In order to survive, you need perseverance and a thick skin!

Here’s another obvious change: make all the Academy voters retire so we can get some younger, fresher faces on the panel. Changes like that will help directors like Christopher Nolan finally get the recognition they deserve as well as finally giving Leonardo DiCaprio a fighting chance at the Oscar that he deserves more than anyone else right now. Honestly, when has this guy not demonstrated flawless acting? Exactly. A younger panel would breathe a new life into the Academy Awards.

I am so tired of the same types of movies getting nominated year after year. Don’t get me wrong, some of these films are great, but a few unconventional choices supported by some  younger voters could really make the Oscars unpredictable. Think about it: don’t you find that you have the most fun watching something where you just cannot predict what happens next?



What NOT to watch this holiday season

Once you’ve submitted that final essay and sat your very last exam, you can finally watch some of those movies that have been on your radar the past few months. Well, here are some flicks you should avoid like the plague, unless you want your Christmas to become as depressing as Ebenezer Scrooge’s life at the beginning of A Christmas Carol.

Graphic by Jenny Kwan


Spring Breakers:

What seems like a typical teen-comedy is actually a mortifying trick. Your body will get stuck in a permanent cringe as you watch former Disney stars stray away from their wholesome images. It would be a disaster to watch this movie with your family, because the minute you see Selena Gomez take a hit from a bong, you’ll surely realize this isn’t anything like her movie Monte Carlo. Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens are all grown up in this film and you should refrain from seeing it, unless you are comfortable getting uncomfortable with your parents. Spring Breakers has enough sex to make make a porn star blush, and drug use and gang violence which makes Crips and Blood seem like they would break into song and dance at the drop of a hat. Discomfort and depression is what you’ll feel with this downer of a movie. So avoid it and keep your personal, awesome fantasy about spring break alive.


A Madea Christmas:

Oh good Lord, another one?! This is already the sixth — thats right, sixth — Madea movie Tyler Perry has decided to thrust upon the world. This one huge cliché of a film is about the title-character, Madea, paying a surprise visit to her daughter on Christmas and obviously, trouble ensues. Even though this is a Christmas movie, please avoid it at all costs because if we keep giving Tyler Perry money, he will continue to believe that he is funny. Alas, even if you hang new decorations and tinsel on last year’s Christmas tree, it will sadly remain dead.


Evil Dead:

Stupid is a word that comes to mind after only 30 minutes into this film about five friends who summon evil spirits that end up possessing them. The combined IQ of this group must be around that of Brick Tamland from Anchorman, because even inviting Veronica Corningstone to his “pants party” was a better idea than any of these characters had in this movie. You can’t help but get annoyed with these teenagers for being so naive. On top of the frustration, the violence is too over top for the holiday season. So do yourself a favour and avoid this terrible film and just wish this pure evil, dead.


ARTiculate — A love letter to the action film

Dearest action films,

No collection of words could possibly describe the love we feel towards you. There will always be that one flick we find ourselves quoting the very next day, reenacting every fight sequence when nobody is around. Why do we keep falling back into the big burly arms of action movies?

Graphic by Jenny Kwan

Action flicks help us escape from reality and allow us to take a break from our hectic lives in favour of some adrenaline-rushing entertainment that makes our jaw succumb to the laws of gravity.

Watching our favourite hero single-handedly destroy a sizable army of bad guys and then getting the girl at the end is why we love you. The fundamental idea of one man accomplishing everything he sets out to do is inspiring. After watching our hero kick some serious ass, you can’t help but want to kick some of your own in the real world. You give us regular Joes hope we never thought existed. We become endowed with the courage to go out and seek that job promotion or finally talk to that girl who had always seemed intimidating.

Sweet action films: with heroes like Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jackie Chan, Sylvester Stallone and most recently, Jason Statham, you present us with perfect role models. Thank you for instilling confidence within us, helping us achieve our marginal dreams, one sucker punch at a time.

Wrapped up in your toned, veiny and tattooed arms, you satisfy our eyes with explosions, beautiful women and heart-racing car chases that we can’t help but wish we were a part of.

You provide a rush that overtakes every fibre of our being — teaching us the true meaning of being on the edge of our seat. The entertainment value you offer is like the most addictive drug on the planet, the minute you get a taste, you can’t help but come back for more, hoping to achieve that very same high you experienced the very first time you watched the movie.

My darling action flick, you are one drug that will stay in circulation long after we are gone, trying to live our own action dreams in heaven.

Without you, my beloved action films, there would be no heroines to lust over. We would deliberately put ourselves in mortal danger if it meant that Lara Croft or Katniss Everdeen would come to our aid. All of these gorgeous and courageous women are like super glue to our eyes, the minute you step onto the screen, we cannot bear the thought of looking away. Watching you beat up bad guys brings the term sexy to a whole new level, which we promise to study and explore for many years to come.

The action genre is like air itself, without it, we couldn’t possibly go about living. Take inspiration and entertainment away from us, and why the hell would we get out of bed in the morning? We love you for everything you stand for and we promise to treasure and love you even if Armageddon suddenly becomes a harsh reality.

So come on life, give us everything you got: whenever we are down, as long as we have action movies we will always respond with, “I’ll be back!”


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