Author: Felicia Di Palma

As I pushed open the door to Joy Toyz on St. Laurent Boulevard, the first thing I saw was a wall of vibrators, lubricants and dildos. Joy Toyz bills itself as a women-friendly sex shop. Sitting at the desk typing away was Phuong Ly, Joy Toyz’s co-owner. After a quick introduction, she got down to business: “So where would you like to start?”
I wanted to know about the latest and best toys on the market. The sex toy industry is a lot like the fashion industry; it’s always being updated and there’s constantly something new on the way.
According to Ly, the latest trend in the adult toy industry is eco-friendly and environmentally conscious products.

The first toy Ly showed me was a Fun Factory vibrator line called Bimini. “It’s the perfect toy for beginners. It’s smaller, so it’s not intimidating. It has got a vaginal and a clitoral stimulator. Plus, it’s rechargeable,” she says.
The Bimini line operates like a cell phone; once the battery dies, just plug it in and wait. As a result, it’s more green.
“I recommend the Bimini more to first time buyers than the Rabbits, just because Rabbits are a little more advanced,” Ly explains. “Rabbits are a big gadget, lots of bells and whistles. Lots of first timers aren’t ready for that yet.”
Rabbits are the kings of all sex toys and became wildly popular because Charlotte on Sex and the City owned one. They have a clitoral stimulator that’s usually in the shape of a rabbit. Once turned on, the rabbit’s ears vibrate and do their “job.” Along with having a nice little bunny friend for down below, Rabbits sometimes have beads right under the shaft that will vibrate and rotate.
“When buying a Rabbit, make sure the shaft distance isn’t too far from the bunny’s ears. The tip of the ears should touch the top of the beads,” advises Ly. “The best rabbit I’ve come across is the Rabbit Habit from Vibratex. It goes for $125. Keep in mind though, toys are an investment. You’re going to be using them for years.”
Okay, so what’s the one basic toy that everyone should have in their goodie drawer?
“Bullets,” Ly answers instantly.

Bullets are small and basically look like their name implies. They have a button on the bottom and once pushed, will ensure you’ll have a very good night.
“Bullets will never go out of style. You could place them on your nipples, the head of your dick, the labia and especially the clit. You could even attach them to a cock ring,” says Ly.
Now, onto lubricants: should we use silicone lubricant? Water-based lubricant? Or petroleum lubricant?
“Lubes are very important. They help you enjoy your toy. They’ll slip and slide easily without you hurting yourself. Water-based lubes are very good for vaginal sex. However, always check the ingredients. Some water based lubes have glycerin in them. It adds texture to the lube,” says Ly.
I used to work at Fruits & Passion and I knew some clients would get a reaction from glycerin soaps. So ladies, do a patch test first to see how your skin handles it. Trust me, you’ll be really happy you figured it out beforehand.
“Silicone-based lube will last a long time because it takes longer to evaporate. I call it marathon sex lube. It’s the best lube to use for anal sex since it lasts,” says Ly. “Erostratus’ silicone lube is the best.”
I applied it to my fingertips and it was thick and quite moist. It felt like olive oil and body butter put together. Did it last? I had to wipe my fingers a few times before I got it completely off.
One key thing to remember is to stay away from lubricants that aren’t silicone or water-based. Along with increasing your chances of infection, you also risk getting pregnant.
“Petroleum oil-based lubes break down condoms. Take bubble gum, put it in your mouth and chew it. Now, add peanut butter in your mouth and chew it too. The oils from the peanut butter break down the gum, and it’s the same with petroleum oil lube and condoms,” explains Ly.

If you want a great eco-friendly and vegan alternative, look for Hathor Aphrodisia lubricants that are water-based and glycerin-free.
Next up, which ingredients should we look for when buying sex toys?
“Try to always buy silicone toys that say they are 100 per cent silicone. They’re softer, hypoallergenic and not harmful to your body. They’re more expensive, but you’re paying for quality,” says Ly. “Most people on a budget think jelly toys are best. But, jelly toys are not recommended. You can’t sterilize them and most jelly toys have phthalate.”
Phthalates are a group of chemicals found in many plastic items, including sex toys, because they can make toys softer and more malleable. Yet, according to the Canadian Cancer Society, exposure to high levels might cause cancer in the long-term. Hard plastic toys don’t have it and neither do silicone toys, so be sure to look at the ingredients.
There is a catch when it comes to silicone toys. You can only use water-based lubricant, not silicone lubricant, on them. “When silicone meets silicone they melt into each other,” says Ly. That’s not a reaction you want with an expensive toy.
Since I’ve been pretty selfish so far, my next question had to do with couples. I asked Ly what toy she would recommend for lovers to enjoy together.
“Definitely a Bullet or the We-Vibe. We-Vibe has a clitoral stimulator and the other end goes inside the woman and then the man penetrates her and feels the vibration. However, it’s really not a one-size fits all. If the woman is tight, trying to insert the penis with the We-Vibe already inside won’t be possible,” says Ly.
While this might not interest you, I felt it was important to get her expert opinion on how one should go about cleaning their toy.
“Sex shops will sell toy cleaners which work fine. You could always use an unscented anti-bacterial soap. Scented soaps could cause yeast infections. I prefer that because you could rub the soap in, unlike toy cleaners that you just spray on and wipe off,” advises Ly.

Lastly, I had to enquire about the glass dildos that I see everywhere. Should women be afraid of using them?
“Glass is just amazing. You could warm it up, or cool it down. It’s all about pressure. It’s perfect for g-spot and prostate orgasms. It’s also the best for clean-ups. It’s the easiest to sterilize and there’s no chance of bacteria buildup. A glass dildo is really a luxury.”
Ly suggests always looking for a glass dildo with a round, curved and hard tip for maximum pleasure.
Before I left, I noticed bottles marked Sex Water at the front desk.
“It’s an aphrodisiac and it’s supposed to stimulate men and women and really put them in the mood. It’s a new product,” says Ly.
Curious as I am, I bought one. At first, nothing happened. As I walked out of the shop, it started to kick in. It makes you energetic and definitely turns you on. There are six different flavours, for men, women and even both sexes.
At $2, they’re not budget-breaking, and definitely worth a try.

Five sex toy safety tips:

1. Stay away from lubricants that aren’t silicone or water-based (they increase your chances of infection and getting pregnant). Water-based lubricants contain glycerin which can cause skin irritations, so do a patch test first.

2. Use only water-based lubricant on silicone toys (when silicone meets silicone, they melt into each other).

3. Jelly toys are not recommended. They contain phthalates, a group of chemicals found in many plastic items, including sex toys. According to the Canadian Cancer Society, exposure to high levels might cause cancer in the long-term. Hard plastic toys and silicone toys don’t contain phthalates.

4. Look for 100 per cent silicone toys (they are softer, hypoallergenic and better for your body).

5. Avoid using scented soaps when cleaning sex toys as they can cause yeast infections.

Valentine’s Day is usually a women’s holiday. A huge dose of pressure is placed on the men to plan the perfect evening and buy the ideal gift. Women, on the other hand, get to sit back, enjoy and put out at the end of the night.
Is it just me, or is there an unspoken rule that men have to do everything? Last time I checked, Valentine’s Day was about both partners in a relationship. No wonder most guys consider it to be a “bullshit holiday.”

That said, I propose a challenge to every woman who has someone special to spend Valentine’s Day with: this year you plan Valentine’s Day and not the other way around. He’s most probably a good man if you’re still with him, so give him a little extra appreciation. Men may not always admit it, but they love attention.

Now, here’s the big question: what do men really want for Valentine’s Day?
When it comes to presents, men want something thoughtful, but simple. He doesn’t want to wonder how much you spent on his gift when he opens it. What he wants is to know you put thought into it.
“It may surprise you, but I would like a card for Valentine’s Day,” says Ben Poirier, 21. “If you actually put effort into the text you write, or the card you choose, and I can tell, it will make me a lot happier than blowing whatever amount of cash on me.”
Could it be any simpler? Tell your man how you feel about him, in a non-cheesy way with a heartfelt card.

For Valerio Di Genova, 20, a photograph of him and his girlfriend, or just of his girlfriend is the perfect gift, especially since his girlfriend hates photos.
“Pictures are iconic. It’s the simple things that matter,” said Di Genova.
If you’re comfortable with your figure and want to get more creative when giving a photo as a present, a good option to consider is to have some sultry photographs taken by a professional.

“After purchasing a 1969 Firebird, I’ve often wondered how my girlfriend would look if she would voluntarily pose next to my car as she wore promiscuous lingerie,” said Evangelos Sacciadis, 23. You’re young and sexy and your tits aren’t in your shoes yet, so why not?
When it comes to what to do on Valentine’s Day, men would like a few things from their girlfriends as well.

Creativity

One thing I’ve come to realize from talking to several men, is they enjoy when their ladies get a bit creative. The point isn’t to be something you’re not, but to try and step outside your boundaries. “Do something you both have never done before. If you live alone, invite him over and make something fantastic, or even better yet, hire a chef so you can both relax and enjoy your night,” suggested Anthony Rossi, 20.

Romance

Believe it or not, men actually want women to plan romantic evenings for them. They want to feel like kings. “Just to have a romantic night: a nice supper by candlelight and either some alone time watching a movie next to a lit fire or a ride to Mount Royal to watch the sunrise, would be ideal,” said Matthew Riccio, 20.

Sex

Let’s face it, who doesn’t want sex on Valentine’s Day? Get yourself something sexy to wear in the bedroom and make sure it’s nothing too complicated that won’t come off easily. You want to turn him on, not frustrate him. And if you’re feeling wild, opt for a seductive costume.
But while sex may be the best way to end the night, there’s no reason why you can’t tease him a little beforehand. Just give him a taste of what’s to come, it’ll make for steamier sex.
“Valentine’s Day should be spent making love and being intimate with the person you love,” said Cameron Otway, 20. “Spending time alone with your lover is vital for having a strong and successful relationship, and hey, who wouldn’t like having sex for most of the day?”

We all love to feel good about ourselves. When feeling down, some people find a pick-me-up in playing sports, taking a bubble bath or indulging in a little cookie dough action. Whatever your poison, there is one activity that never fails to make anyone feel super sexy, blissful and beyond happy: sex.
Well, good sex anyway.

But what is “good sex”?
At some point we’ve all wondered whether we’re good in bed. No, nix that 8212; whether we’re awesome in bed.
Well, fear not. Help is nearby, at the 16th annual Salon de L’Amour et de la Seduction.
The sex exposition will be held in downtown Montreal at Place Bonaventure Jan. 22 to 24.
Don’t think the expo won’t have anything for you because you’re single/married/in a relationship 8212; Salon de L’Amour et de la Seduction doesn’t discriminate.

If you’re shy and thinking this isn’t for you, you’re wrong. “It’s not just about kinky sex,” said the show’s manager, Mikey Singer. “75 per cent is about regular, sexual information. It’s about making you feel confident and to have you be a better lover.”
The event includes seminars, fashion shows, burlesque dancers, and vendors offering everything from dildos and sexy candy, to body casting, henna, hair extensions and teeth whitening solutions.
“It’s very informative and fun,” said Montreal’s very own Sex Educatrix, Lady Viktoria, who will be hosting a series of presentations on of the event’s stages. “I am available to answer any questions. The community dungeon [stage] was created to appeal to an audience that is looking for some beginner, intermediate and some advanced forms of play. Interactive play is encouraged from an educational context.”

Lady Viktoria recommended reading about kinky play or attending seminars like hers before engaging in the lifestyle. It’s better to do it right and safely, she said, than to get hurt and not enjoy yourself.
Singer said he wants Concordia University students to know the expo is “about finding out how to help your significant other. It makes you look like an all-star. You won’t be uncomfortable because there’s going to be over 500 people there with you. No one’s judging and everyone’s doing and listening to the same things you are.”
Le Salon de L’Amour et de la Seduction attracts an audience like no other. So grab a group of friends and head to Place Bonaventure. You’ll laugh, you’ll learn and you’ll have sex like a god.

Brought to us by the Toronto-based website everythingtodowithsex.com, the sex trade show will also be visiting Halifax, Toronto and London, ON.
Montreal’s show will be held on three stages: the Main Stage, the Priape Community Dungeon Stage and the Seminar Area.
Tickets are $15 and will get you access to all the shows and seminars.

For more information and to buy your tickets head to www.montreal.everythingtodowithsex.com

The Main Stage

This area will feature three shows: Guilty Pleasures Fashion Show, Monde Ose Cabaret and Mr. Erotika Male Revue.
The Guilty Pleasures Fashion Show: will present “the best of Coquette lingerie. It will have a fetish portion which will be the Polymorphe line and Priape,” said Singer. “Priape is the premier gay men latex and leather line.”
The Mr. Erotika Male Revue: “It’s less act, more strip.” explained Singer. “You get more meat for your dollar.” According to their website, “Mr. Exotika Male Review is a group of dancers and entertainers with perfectly chiseled bodies.” Only one word could describe that: delicious.

The Monde Ose Cabaret: will include acts from Canada’s number one international burlesque and aerial performer, Roxi Dlite. She will be joined by fetish pinup model and new-age burlesque performer, MiMi Cherry, as well as Jessy Entertainment and Maiko Starr. They will be performing a show called Runaway Bride. “It’s about a bride who questions if she’s really excited about her wedding. She’s surrounded by temptation and jealousy,” said Frank Mondeose, manager of the main stage and founder of Monde Ose.

Priape Community Dungeon Stage

Events taking place on the Dungeon Stage will be presented by Montreal’s very own Sex Educatrix, Lady Viktoria. She will be hosting six presentations.

Kinky Play 101: Basics of kinky play and terminology. If kinky sex is something you’re unfamiliar with but want to try, this is the workshop for you.
Pervy Play Time: Lady Viktoria will be teaching you how to use household items for sensational and kinky play.
Violet Wand: You’ll learn how to use an “electrostatic device for kinky play,” Lady Viktora explained. I am not quite sure what this means, but it ought to be very educational.
Body Licks: Lady Viktoria will demonstrate how different whips can be “used in a sensual, erotic way with your partner.”
Latex Intro: The dominatrix is going to show how latex can be sexual and pretty kinky. For example, she’ll tell you how a rubber latex sleeping bag with a vacuum seal can be sexually stimulating.
Spice It Up: Helping you use your five senses to increase your bedroom fun.

Seminars

I don’t care if you think you’re a god/goddess in bed, everyone could benefit from the valuable, bed-rocking instruction that will be offered here. There will be five seminars, each taught in French and English.

Bigger, Better, Multiples, Orgasms for Everyone: The title says it all. Carlyle Jansen, founder of female-friendly sex shop, Good For Her, will be sharing important information on how men and women can achieve mattress gripping, full body orgasms. You’d be a fool to miss this seminar.
The Pleasures of Anal Sex: Jansen will divulge tips and techniques that can help achieve pleasurable anal sex. If anal sex is something you want to try, or you’re curious to know how to make it more exciting, this is the class for you.
Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys: Joy Toyz president, Phuong Ly, will teach you how to select the toy that meets your needs. You’ll find out which toys work best for clitoral, vaginal and anal stimulation, as well as how to introduce sex toys to your partner.
Striptease & Burlesque: Velma Candyass, a Joy Toyz’s instructor and choreographer, will demonstrate how to perform a striptease and burlesque number. It doesn’t matter what your body looks like, the only requirement is that you have fun.
Going Oral!: Tips on how to give the best oral sex. Even if you think your technique is awesome, introducing something new can never be a bad thing.

Relationships end everyday for various reasons. But what do you do about the ex-factor? Do you stay exes and cease all form of contact, or is friendship at all possible?
The reason many people have trouble being friends with an ex is because it can be downright difficult. “The hardest part I would say is making sure that you’re completely over the person and that there aren’t any residual emotions that might sneak up on you,” says Cristina Quarta, 22.

A friendship is feasible in certain cases, albeit there are some basic rules to follow if you want to avoid throwing heavy objects at each other and actually benefit from a platonic relationship.
Rule number 1: you must have distance before you can decide to be friends. It could take years before a friendship can build. Step back for a second and think. Has it been long enough? You need to be sure the romantic relationship is completely over, a thing of the past. If not, you might wind up hurting yourself for no reason.

Take one of my best friends for example. Cristina Roos, 20, was in a relationship for four years. After two months of being broken up, they decided to try a friendship. It was pretty tough on her at first. “At the beginning I believed it was because I still had feelings for him, but what I now realize is [it was] the actual reminder of what we had, and moving on was what was making it tough.”
She waited until she was fully over him, and the relationship routine, before trying out a friendship again. “Last time I saw him, it was the first time I felt nothing &- it felt more like friendship. It takes work to make that happen,” said Cristina.

Rule number 2: you can’t have a friendship with all your exes. Being friends with someone who disrespected you, cheated, lied, or did anything else particularly hurtful is almost impossible. Just forget it. These people are exes for a reason; you don’t need them in your life. If you had a bad breakup with this person, being friends with them and seeing them with the new girlfriend or boyfriend won’t make your life any better. They were kicked to the curb like garbage because they wronged you &- don’t go dumpster diving.

Rule number 3: set rules about what you can and can’t talk about. When your ex gets a new somebody in their life, you’re going to be uncomfortable at first. If it really becomes too much, tell your ex you’re not ready to hear about this person. Furthermore, if your ex starts to tell you about all the people they made out with one night at the bar and it makes you super uncomfortable, simply tell them to shut the fuck up. They need to remember you’re an ex/friend, not a just a regular friend.

Rule number 4: the friendship won’t be like other friendships. More often than not, it becomes more of an acquaintance type friendship. Accept it people. “My relationships with my exes aren’t exactly what I’d call “friendships’ – we catch up when we see each other (and are genuinely happy to do so), but we don’t plan hang outs or anything,” said Melissa Como, 24. “It would be too weird to be best friends with an ex, but hey, Jerry and Elaine did it.” You may stay hi-bye buddies for awhile, but it will probably change after a few years, if you share a genuine connection.

Nevertheless, having a consistent friendship that seems almost normal is still attainable. My ex-boyfriend and I dated in high school. After we broke up, we never spoke. Three years after our break up, we bumped into each other randomly. Since that day, we’ve been friends. It wasn’t easy, especially when we started talking about our new partners, but we both realized we wanted a friendship to work, so we dealt with it.
Now, we’re golden. What does he think about our friendship? “It’s cool; I help her out when she needs it. For example, I went with her to buy a hockey stick for the guy she’s seeing now,” said Dave Russo, 21. It actually didn’t bother him that he helped me get my new man a birthday gift. We had a lot of fun, even though the salesman thought we were a couple. Obviously, not everyone is going to have that type of friendship with their ex, but stranger things have happened. “What’s important is that you both respect each other and act like friends, not exs,” reminds Russo.

What exactly is casual dating? Just for fun, here’s a definition from About.com: “an interaction between two people who are looking to get to know one another better, without commitments or promises. Either or both parties can be casually dating other people.” Simple enough right?
Both men and women casually date. Casual dating is like going to more than one car dealership and taking the cars that tickle your fancy out for spin around the block. Few people would buy a car without taking it for a test drive first or without comparing prices and models before making a big commitment. So, why date someone exclusively without looking at all your options? It’s all about choosing wisely when it comes to relationships.
However, there are downsides to casual dating. Most people who are seeing a casual dater might wind up feeling threatened when they find out they aren’t the only one in the picture. A word of advice for casual daters: never assume the other person won’t find out because they probably will, and they won’t be too happy about it. Some may even become jealous or obsessive. “I found out through other people and not the actual guy. I felt like I was being lied to and things were hidden from me,” says Stacy Picard, 19.
To help prevent potentially painful situations, I’ve come up with some ground rules to being a successful casual dater:
1. If you’ve gone out on more than two dates with someone, you need to tell them they aren’t the only person you’re seeing. If they don’t want to continue seeing you; that’s their loss. If they can’t handle that you’re single, and you’re taking your time trying to decide who’s best for you and who will make you happiest, then don’t let the door hit them on the ass on the way out. In fact, this is actually a good thing because you end up weeding out the jealous types, the crazies and the clingy ones.
2. Talk to your friends about your casual dating conundrums. Balancing more than one guy or girl isn’t easy, especially when it comes time for you to make some sort of a decision about who you want to continue dating or not. Your friends can help because they know you and they’ll be able to keep you sane.
3. You cannot casually date one person for more than three weeks. After three weeks, you are essentially leading that person on and you would be an asshole if you don’t start communicating your intentions. Three weeks is enough time to get to know a person, see if you like them, and to know whether or not there’s potential for an exclusive relationship. If by that point you’re still unsure, then you’re either not ready for a relationship, or you don’t want a relationship with that person and you’re simply fooling yourself into thinking you do.
4. Don’t give up. The only reasons you should call it quits is if you want a long term relationship or if you don’t feel like this will lead to one at the end of the day. Casual dating is not for the faint of the heart. “In a way you can see who really likes you and who’s willing to fight for what they want. Plus, you can see how confident they are about themselves and or insecure,” said Tania Lucia, 22. If you’re not confident, then this isn’t the game for you.
5. Don’t be hard on yourself. People may call a casual dater a whore or a player, but this is far from the truth. Casual dating could involve sex, but that isn’t the main goal. Casual dating isn’t about being friends with benefits and it’s not about having casual sex. It’s about finding the best match for you. This is about what makes you happy.
Casual dating can have different outcomes. Some people juggle dating a few people at once, without any of the candidates making the final cut. This is a good thing because you didn’t waste your time. You met new people, you went out a few times, and if it didn’t spark, you just move on to the next person?
But, most of the time, one person will always stand out in the crowd. The other men or women will just make you want that other person more. Then, when you finally choose that one person, you’ll feel confident in your choice since you weighed out all the options and realized that this was the best choice for you.

Hey Concordia! I want to hear your worst break up stories. Email them to me at AskDrPhil@theconcordian.com Give me details!