Tag: confidence

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Opinions

An ode to big chested girlies

Graphic by Olivia Shan

How one surgery changed my life—literally.

Let me take you on a journey back in time to when I was around 11 years old. Mother Nature decided it was my time to become a woman. Everything happened all at once for me; I got my period and not long after, my boobs came in. Let me tell you, they were not subtle at all.

As you can imagine, this was a shock to my pre-teen self. I was the first one to blossom into a woman while all my other friends hadn’t even considered the idea of puberty. My early entrance into womanhood came at a time when the boys in my elementary school were also reaching puberty. 

I have vivid flashbacks of being in gym class and having all the boys stare at me. I remember feeling so self-conscious and embarrassed running and having these big boobs bouncing around. There were times where I had to wear two sports bras one on top of another—it was the only way to keep them in place even though I could barely breathe. 

My back pain grew excruciating and my self-esteem was already obliterated. Many tears were shed and my mom decided enough is enough. She got a referral from my doctor to see a plastic surgeon for breast reduction surgery.

To this day, I remember being 15 years old going into that surgery consultation. I was absolutely terrified. My mom was in the room as the surgeon examined my exposed chest. As she explained the process of the surgery, I was looking into her eyes with terror. The surgeon informed us that there was a long waiting list for the procedure and we wouldn’t hear from the hospital for a while. 

My parents and I were in for a rude awakening when the surgeon called  to propose a surgery date for the following week. Emotionally, I was not ready. Who could be at that age?

I decided this was not the right time for me. Instead, I used this time in my life to get serious with my health. I was not a super big girl at the time, but I knew I could benefit from losing some weight. After some time, my determination paid off—I lost weight and my chest was smaller. When I started college, my priorities shifted. I invested all my energy in school and slowly but surely, the girls made another grand entrance. 

Now well into my twenties, I’d had enough. It was time for me to feel free and confident in my body. To my surprise, the new surgery date came faster than I imagined: following my consultation this past April, the hospital called me at the end of September with an availability for Oct. 11. 

On the day of the surgery, I was not as nervous as I imagined I’d be. I was more focused on the growling sounds of my empty stomach. The nerves only kicked in when I said goodbye to my mom and waited for the surgeon alone. 

Being escorted to the OR was exactly like in Grey’s Anatomy. There were many machines and a gurney in the middle of the room. It finally hit me that this was about to happen. My fear of needles kicked in and I sobbed. A nurse in the OR held my face and helped me calm down. The last thing I remember before being put under anesthesia is being asked my doctor’s name—and I actually recited his full name. The entire OR laughed and he joked that his own mother doesn’t know his full name.

At almost one month post-op, I have some conflicting feelings about the whole experience. Last week, I discovered that the incisions had opened on both sides. I’ll spare you the gory details, but my chest didn’t look right.

After going back and forth from the hospital, my anxiety was at an all time high. I was getting a bunch of conflicting opinions of what was exactly happening with me. 

To ease my mind, I scheduled a follow-up with my general doctor. He explained it’s possible for incisions to open, after a surgery like breast reduction. Thankfully, I did not have any symptoms of an infection; no swollen lymph nodes, redness around the incisions, and most importantly no fever. I just have to exude a bit more patience than I anticipated and let my body do its thing. 

I don’t want my experience to impact anyone’s decision on whether to get the surgery or not. This period following the surgery has been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, but I couldn’t have done it without everyone around me. 

In the end, I don’t regret the surgery. I believe everyone deserves to feel at home in their bodies. It’s the first time in years where I can finally say “Damn, I look good!” 

Categories
Community

K-pop dance workshops help students with self-acceptance

Club member Sooah Kil (Left) Dancing with Amanda Beronilla, K-Pop Club Communications VP (Right) - Chantal Bellefeuille / The Concordian

Members of the Concordia K-pop Club gain the confidence to express themselves by dancing to their favourite K-pop choreographies

The crowd is excited, the stage is lit, and K-pop is blasting through the nightclub’s speakers. For first-year Concordia University student Lana Masselon, this memory makes her eyes sparkle with joy as she talks about K-pop events that she has attended around Montreal. 

Dancing to K-pop has given her the confidence to overcome her fear, go up on stage, and dance in front of a large audience. This is thanks to the Concordia K-pop Club, which holds several dance workshops throughout the fall and winter semesters. They invite members and non-members to learn choreographies from the community’s favourite K-pop groups and to be true to themselves through dance.

Club member Sooah Kil (Right) Dancing with Amanda Beronilla, K-Pop Club Communications VP (Left) – Chantal Bellefeuille / The Concordian

Masselon attends most of these dance workshops and sometimes even teaches them. She has a modern-jazz dance background but fell in love with K-pop when she learned choreography to the song ‘Kill This Love’ by Blackpink. This inspired her to take a K-pop dance class. 

However, since starting university, she has not had the time to keep up with weekly lessons. She said that the workshops sprinkled throughout the school year provide her the opportunity to get exercise and give her a sense of accomplishment. 

“If I’m active, I’m happy. I know I need to be active, and K-pop helps keep sports in my life,” Masselon said.

Club member Sooah Kil (Left) Dancing with Amanda Beronilla, K-Pop Club Communications VP (Right) – Chantal Bellefeuille / The Concordian

She said she has found her identity through being accepted by the K-pop community. It has allowed her to break free of society’s status quo. 

“Before K-pop, I felt like I didn’t have a style. I just followed what everyone else was doing, and I wasn’t really myself,” she said. 

As a taller person, Masselon hid behind clothes she hated, such as jeans, when she wanted to wear clothes like skirts and knee-high socks. One of her favourite K-pop idols, Kim Hongjoong from the group ATEEZ, inspired her to feel more comfortable in her skin. 

“I was uncomfortable and scared about what people would think of me,” Masselon said. “Hongjoong says you can wear anything, as long as you feel confident in it, so I don’t try to hide myself anymore.” 

She believes that dance brings the K-pop community together, allowing people to meet new friends and bond over common interests. 

Other club members feel the beneficial effects that the dance workshops have on their lives too. Concordia K-pop Club President Inas Fawzi strongly feels that the dance workshops have built her confidence more.

“After learning K-pop dances, I started liking my body. It gave me a love for my physical being. Before I was just floating, I wasn’t attached to it. Now I’m like, ‘Wow, I look cool,’” Fawzi said. 

Amanda Beronilla, the club’s vice president of communications, also teaches dance workshops. She says that dancing to K-pop is one of the main ways that she can express herself. 

“Ever since I was small, I have always loved dancing. I wanted to go into ballet, but I was never able to. With K-pop dance, it feels like I’m able to do something that I’ve always wanted to do,” Beronilla said.

The dance workshops are fun and inclusive. Unlike a K-pop dance crew with high standards, these dance workshops are very welcoming. There’s little pressure, and people are encouraged to come and join in, regardless of their dance skills.

Each two-hour dance workshop is held at Concordia University’s Sir George Williams Campus on the Hall Building’s seventh floor. 

You can follow the Concordia K-pop Club on Instagram to learn about upcoming events.

Categories
Sports

Things I wish I had known when I started climbing

Everything you need to know about indoor bouldering

When I decided to delve into the world of bouldering, I was merely hoping to keep myself busy amidst troubling times. Coming off a summer in which I looked to broaden my activity spectrum by picking up new hobbies and habits, I carried that positive momentum into the fall when I obtained an indoor climbing membership. Bloc Shop, a bouldering centre in the greater Montreal area, was to be my fitness getaway until further notice.

In my first session, I completed beginner bouldering routes (also known as ‘problems’) but couldn’t wrap my mind around anything beyond. Over the course of two hours, I did nothing but fall and fail. Yet, I was unmistakably hooked.

The sport I initially considered a temporary pass-time quickly became a genuine passion. Fast forward to today and nothing has changed; I spend most of my time in the gym laying on my back, staring at a looming problem, speculating what went wrong and how I could better approach the problem in the future.

After three months of regular practice, I have a solid grasp of the basics, but I am pridefully inadequate compared to my skilled peers. During my journey thus far, I’ve received valuable feedback from fellow climbers, tips that I regret not knowing from day one. Whether it’s to avoid injury, conserve energy, or break down a physical or mental barrier, here is the information I wish I knew from the start.

Don’t be embarrassed to climb in front of others

This is an issue I continue to struggle with today, and it’s something that’s frankly easier said than done when you’re first picking up the activity, and it feels like all eyes are on you. When I started, I avoided areas of the gym that had experienced climbers around because I feared their judgement. As a result, I hindered my improvement by limiting the routes I had access to.

The truth is, people are hardly inclined to pay attention unless you are actively demanding it. In addition, experienced bouldering athletes understand the hardships of the sport, and can be reliable sources for advice.

Speaking of which…

Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask questions

I went through a period in which I went completely autonomous in my training. At the time, my philosophy led me to believe I would become a fundamentally better climber if I could solve problems independently. For over a month, I would spend entire sessions on a single challenging problem, failing repeatedly, learning nothing, and ultimately building bad habits.

When I got stuck on a particularly demanding route, I shamefully caved in and asked my experienced friends for help. They pointed out a couple of minor technical issues I had become accustomed to and within five minutes, the problem that had taken over my week and psyche was completed without a sweat. Moral of the story: leave your ego at home, and be willing to listen.

Attempt harder routes and don’t be afraid to fail

It’s very common to attach oneself to a completed route for numerous sessions because it makes us feel accomplished and can build self confidence.

However, attempting bouldering problems beyond one’s climbing level builds mental fortitude that makes for better athletes in the long run. Challenging obstacles can also help target weak points in one’s abilities that lower-levelled walls will often mask. The best climbers are all alike in that they are constantly seen emphatically failing only to get back up and try again.

Try to complete problems in a manner that leaves no doubt

Beginner climbers tend to overuse their muscles by tensing up, which can lead to the improper usage of leverage, technique, and momentum. In the short-term, this can result in success, especially at lower levels. However, once one gets highly acclimated and invested in the sport, “powering” through routes can hinder one’s progression significantly and can have negative ramifications on the body from an injury and recovery perspective.

In my early experience, if a problem was difficult or physically demanding, but I managed to get the job done, I would pack my supplies and make sure I never acknowledged the problem again. Now, I try my best to be honest with myself and only receive credit for a route when I’ve completed it confidently and efficiently. As a result, I fail and learn a lot more than I used to.

Warm up to prevent injuries

This is applicable to every sport and it’s no different for climbing. Whether it’s by actively warming up or carrying out simple problems before tackling the focal points of a given session, it’s crucial to get the body warm and loose in a sport that leaves one easily susceptible to injuries if approached incorrectly.

Every time I’ve gotten hurt in my three months of experience, it’s been due to my lack of discipline when I enter the gym. Blisters, bruises, and general soreness can all be mitigated with a proper emphasis on warming up prior to climbing.

Most importantly, have fun

This idea sounds trivial, but there were periods of time when I was so caught up in my performance that I lost sight of the joy. When I am needlessly worked up, the negative atmosphere takes its toll on my technique and routine. Once I dig myself out of the senseless hole, though, the outcome is typically a productive, enjoyable, and wholly unique workout.

 

Graphic by Rose-Marie Dion

Categories
Student Life

The art of being single: You gotta ask for what you want

Graphic by Loreanna Lastoria

There’s a cute person in your class you want to ask out on a date? There’s an attractive person at the bar/club you want to hook up with? There’s someone you wouldn’t mind platonically making out with? You’re absolutely in love with someone and wish you could be with them forever? 

Cool! But what are you gonna do about it?

The amount of people who want to be with someone – in any capacity – but don’t do anything about it BOGGLES MY MIND. Do you think you’re going to get what you want if you just admire someone from afar or don’t go for what you want? No, you won’t.

That stranger in the club likely can’t hear what you’re saying; they definitely can’t read your mind. That cute person in your class can probably see all the subtle hints you’re leaving, but something likely won’t come from it if you don’t make an effort. Not sure if that person you know is down to fool around? You’re not going to find out by not asking, now, are you?

So many of you – yes, I’m calling you all out – are so afraid of rejection or of your pride and ego being even remotely dismantled that you don’t put yourself out there to get what you want. You won’t get what you want in love, in life, in your career, literally anything, if you don’t put your pride and fear of rejection on the back burner and ask for what you want.

What’s the worst thing that can happen? They say no. And that’s not the end of the world. There doesn’t have to be any awkwardness, anger, animosity, whatever else, if things don’t work out. We’re all adults; if the answer is no, or if it was yes but it didn’t end up working out as planned, learn from it and move on.

It’s time for everyone to stop being scared of failing or “potentially ruining what you have” and to just ask for what you want. You never know if you’re going to succeed if you don’t try. Also, consent is sexy, people! At all stages and circumstances, consent is sexy and necessary.

On the note of trying, though, if you tried and someone is not interested, don’t keep asking. Good for you for having asked for what you wanted, but also be aware and receiving of other people’s responses too – or else things can get awkward.

Categories
Opinions

Diary of a fat kid: deconstructed

graphic by @sundaemorningcoffee

Learning to accept yourself and deal with trauma as an overweight person

TW: Eating disorders, body image, body dysmorphia

First, let me get this straight: being fat is not wrong. It’s not because you do not correspond to the ideal conception of beauty set by Instagram influencers that you are not worthy of living, nor are you responsible for anything. If you feel at peace with your body, good for you, and you should never feel pressure because your kind of beauty is different from others’ standards.

“Hey, fat guy!”, “Are you the guy from Super Size Me?” Yes, I’ve heard these phrases directed at me. “Susan Boyle,” “Big Mama,”—these were just some of my nicknames. On Jan. 31, 2018, I was 18 and weighed 287 pounds, almost twice the normal weight for a boy my age. My BMI was 42 at the time, and deemed me morbidly obese.

Being overweight is tough, especially as a teenager. Teenagers are cruel and immature. Some will try to hurt you—these ones, you’d better ignore altogether. Others will try to fight with you, and I fought back, which I do not recommend since it almost got me expelled. Most of the time, people don’t realize they’re hurting you. In this case, you have two options: say how you feel, which requires an extraordinary amount of courage, or hurt in silence, which is the option most people choose, and the most destructive.

Depending on the characters, some people will be very affected by mockery, and some just won’t care. I belonged to the first category. One time, I was coming home from school when an old woman stopped me to comment on my sweater, and as she left, she yelled, in front of my friends, “And don’t get any fatter!” I’d never been so humiliated, and I spent the rest of the afternoon crying on my couch.

Harassment is one thing, but what’s worse is isolation. When you’re fat (let’s call a spade a spade), you don’t go out, because people might notice your double-chin; you don’t go to parties because girls might reject you; you don’t go on vacation because you’re uncomfortable being shirtless, it goes on and on. You stay at home, so you feel miserable, so you eat to forget. And once you enter this vicious circle, it’s very difficult to get out.

That’s how I went from being a perfectly healthy 13-year-old boy to becoming an 18-year-old teenager with no girlfriend, no real friends, and for whom tying shoes was a struggle.

Because being overweight is such a painful reality, I think some people tend to find excuses: “I have big bones,” “It’s genetic,” or “I have a hormonal problem.” And sometimes it’s true, but in most cases, I think being overweight is the result of bad eating habits, not enough exercise, or both. And even if you have to accept this responsibility, it does not make you any less valuable of a person. As a matter of fact, I tend to consider overweight people victims. Yes, you might snack too much sometimes or find excuses to avoid the gym, but this is not due to you having an abnormally large stomach or lower physical abilities. Eating is often compensation for trauma.

In my case, it was an unfortunate, routine doctor’s appointment that started it all. I was six years old and in perfect shape. The quack pediatrician checked me and told my parents, “If he’s not skinny now, he is going to become fat later.” At that very moment, he implanted that idea in my dad’s brain like Leonardo DiCaprio implanted the idea that the world was not real into Marion Cotillard’s head in Inception.

I recall a ski trip with my cousins. It was lunch time and we decide to go to a restaurant. Everybody savoured a raclette except me—my dad forced me to eat salmon with straight beans. I was only 10 and unknowingly, he created a complex in me.

As I said earlier, there’s no guilt to feel about being overweight, whether you’re slightly overweight or obese. However, because it is a disease that can put your life at risk, I’ll never blame someone for wanting me to lose weight. My dad used to tell me, “You know I don’t care about your appearance, as long as you’re healthy.” We live in an era of self-acceptance, which is great, but if you want to change, it’s your right to.

So, if you want to lose weight, here are my Four Fight Commandments (because it will be a fight): First, talk with the people who care about you. Believe me, nothing will bring you more comfort than their support. I know the loneliness of being overweight, and it’s too much pain to endure for one person. Vent as much as you need; they will never judge you and it’ll be a huge load off your shoulders.

Second, talk to a therapist. I know it can be scary. I refused at first, but you must identify your trauma to be able to treat it. A therapist will listen to you and give you a professional and educated opinion.

Third, find the right diet for you. We all have different bodies and taste buds. You have to find, with the help of a dietician, the diet most adapted to your body type and eating habits. Last, if you feel like you can’t do it alone, surgery is one solution. It’s called bariatric surgery: gastric band, sleeve or bypass. These are major and irreversible surgeries, so you want to think twice before going through that. I’ve considered this option, and there is no shame in that.

Don’t get me wrong, it will be a long road, sometimes you will want to quit, but if I did it (and I was a desperate case) everybody can. And don’t forget, whether you are skinny, fat or somewhere in the middle, the only thing that matters is that you are at peace with who you are.

Graphic by @sundaemorningcoffee

Categories
Opinions

How to be a happy romantic in a hookup culture

graphic by Ana Bilokin

One student’s experience with romance and realizing why it begins when you stop partying

It took years for me to realize that it’s possible to be a happy romantic in a hookup culture. And it all started in April 2017, when I made the conscious decision to stop partying.

Throughout my years of partying, I surrounded myself with hookup enthusiasts who constantly told me that my romantic aspirations were juvenile. They warned that I was “too serious” for my own good, and a big part of me believed them. YOLO and FOMO smothered my brain like thick cobwebs. I wanted to experience the euphoric young adulthood talked about in all those hype dance songs, and portrayed in all those badass Hollywood movies. Consequently, I became desperate to emancipate my heart from emotion.

I wanted to go out and dance with cute guys, without caring whether they asked for my name. If they asked for my name, I wanted to answer without hoping they’d ask for my number too. If they asked for my number, I wanted to flirt without expecting the conversation to blossom into something more meaningful. I failed miserably. Every time a cute guy would prove that his interest in me was purely physical, I’d feel a pang of disappointment deep in my belly. Every time a crush flirted with other girls the way he flirted with me, I’d feel a punch of rejection bruise my heart.

Hookup culture was crushing my inner romantic and the desire I had to find someone legit. At the time, however, I didn’t see it that way at all. I resented the pain, and told myself it was proof that I desperately needed to get a handle on my emotions. When I stopped partying though, I was no longer under the influence––not of friends, of alcohol, or of hookup culture. I was able to weed out anxieties and facades that I kept having to live up to while in the skin of a social butterfly.

Without a shadow of a doubt, abandoning nightlife was integral to my confidence as a romantic person. It was step one along a path that, almost two years later, led me to a wellspring of happiness and peace. I do not believe I would’ve been able to access this wellbeing had I continued partying.

We live in a culture that constantly encourages us to believe that we can be anything. And in some ways, that’s inspiring. However, too many millennials are trying to transcend desires that they’d be better off embracing: feelings of wanting more from one person intellectually, emotionally, and romantically. It saddens me to think that I ever villainized my desire for loyalty. I bought into pop culture’s highly manipulative lie, which says that the happiest young people are those who are down for anything, anywhere, with anyone.

If you’re a romantic millennial, I urge you to tread cautiously in environments that propagate hookup culture. These scenes will trick you into believing that you’re your own worst enemy. But in the words of inspirational speaker Alexander Den Heijer, “When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” If in your heart you are hoping to meet somebody special, the dance floor isn’t so much a place of freedom as it is a vortex that forces you to be something you are not.

To my fellow romantics: I can confidently assure you that none of those parties will go down as the best nights of your life. Conversely, they’re liable to endanger your happiness, and demotivate you from seeking the loyal relationship you deserve. Your person is out there, but they’re not waiting for you in a room that ridicules the real you.

Graphic by Ana Bilokin.

Categories
Opinions

You don’t need to shout to be seen

Graphic by @spooky_soda

Why one student believes the media is sending the wrong message about shyness

Millennials are trying to ward off nerves like they’re a disease. Under the influence of celebrities who constantly show us their sass, we’ve become a flashy society that worships extroverts. Nerves have been pitted against confidence, and now, being shy is seen as a sure-sign of insecurity. Well that’s garbage. The truth is, you can actually be both super shy and super confident.

It starts by unlearning what the media has taught us about confidence. Pop culture promotes confidence as the ability to handle the spotlight. Confident people are those who easily hold conversations, address crowds and bring the room to life. According to this logic, the easier time you have expressing yourself face to face, the more confident you are. The problem with this definition is that it makes confidence all about your rapport with others, when truly, it should be about the relationship you have with yourself.

To me, confidence is less about how you talk to others, and more about how you talk to the person in the mirror. More specifically, it’s exuded through an ability to show yourself unconditional love. The keyword here is “unconditional.” Truly confident people are not those who never get flustered, but conversely, those who do mess up and don’t hate themselves for it.

Our generation underestimates the coolness of being shy. That’s right, I just used “shy” and “cool” in the same sentence. Here’s why: if you don’t automatically feel comfortable in every room you walk into, that can actually be a statement about how well you know yourself. The fact that you feel less comfortable in certain environments simply means you’ve explored your personality enough to know that other activities, topics and people interest you. By sitting quietly instead of trying to insert yourself into the conversation, you’re showing that you’re not a shapeshifter who molds their personality to fit in—and in a society of posers, that makes you a breath of fresh air.

Sure, eloquence and extrovertedness demonstrate some level of self-assurance. However, being bubbly in front of others doesn’t automatically mean you treat yourself with love and enthusiasm. Lots of effervescent public figures battle insecurity behind closed doors. They cannot bear the idea of messing up, and therefore, the belief they have in themselves is conditional. It rests on the requirement that they constantly control their nerves.

Except, the healthiest bodies are those whose organs don’t need to be manipulated; stomachs that digest without the help of an electrical stimulator; hearts that beat without the prompting of a pacemaker; blood that flows without the aid of a circulation machine. There are so many reasons to be grateful for our body’s intrinsic clock. Why on earth do we punish ourselves for blushing cheeks, accelerated heartbeats, and lungs that get short of breath? Society wants us to view nervous reactions as weird and embarrassing, when the truth is that they’re just as natural as the reactions keeping us alive.

For me, the most impressive people are those who refrain from gossip when they see other people’s nervous tics, and those who don’t talk themselves down for getting awkward. How wonderful it is when a person can get nervous, laugh about it or simply carry on with their day because they know it’s not a big deal.

So long as you can identify a few environments or specific individuals who bring out your more conversational side, you don’t have to feel bad about getting shy. You’re not chronically insecure, nor are you missing out. You’re simply an individual with specific interests and friends, who isn’t automatically titillated at every turn. In a generation filled with attention-seekers who require constant validation, that actually makes you quite rad.

Graphic by @spooky_soda

Categories
Student Life

Aiesha Robinson was born to rise

Aiesha Robinson, 27, is the founder of Born to Rise, a non-profit organization with the goal of helping youth overcome their personal obstacles. Photo by Nastia Cloutier-Ignatiev

How a skin disorder inspired one Montrealer to spread a message of self-love

When Aiesha Robinson was first diagnosed with vitiligo at 18 years old, her life took a turn for the worst. But what the now 27-year-old Montrealer thought would ruin her life forever has actually given her life more purpose.

Robinson’s lifelong dream was to play basketball professionally. “The plan was to go play basketball, and to hopefully go play in the NBA, overseas, somewhere,” she said.

The dream fell through for her when she was cut from the AAA basketball team at Dawson College. After that, her grades took a serious hit. “I just didn’t care,” she said. “I went into social sciences and school was irrelevant. I didn’t concentrate on that at all.”

Then, one day at school, she saw it for the first time. “I believe that’s when the stress started, and that’s when I noticed a small white spot on my right thumb,” she said. “I had no idea what it was.”

According to Robinson, vitiligo can be triggered by stress. And having seen friends and family members with the disorder, Robinson began to suspect what it was. However, she was also in denial and kept hoping the spot was just a scab that would eventually go away. After three weeks of keeping it a secret, she finally showed the spot to a friend.

“That’s when she told me to come with her to the bathroom. She looked at me, and she said, ‘Aiesha, you have vitiligo.’ Right then and there, she confirmed my worst nightmares,” Robinson said.

In addition to working on Born to Rise, Robinson is a public speaker and a model with Kill Management. Photo by Nastia Cloutier-Ignatiev

Robinson described the first six years of living with vitiligo as the roughest of her life. She had to watch white spots appear all over her body, and she didn’t know how to deal with it. “I mean I’m 18, I’m going to clubs, I’m starting a whole new life, meeting new people, and at the same time I’m being judged or looked upon differently because of the way that I look,” she said.

She said she would often hide in her room, not wanting to go outside and be stared at and judged.

“At this point, I became depressive. I contemplated suicide because, you know, at a certain point you can only handle so much. I’m a human being. And it wasn’t that I wanted to commit suicide because I wanted to not be here anymore—I just didn’t want to feel the pain, and I thought that was the only solution,” she said.

She said she is thankful for her older brother, Jaimie, who helped her in her lowest moments.

“He told me that I have to look at the positive side of things, and that if I was given this condition, then it was for a reason,” she said.

Jaimie asked her how she could make a difference, not only for herself, but for others. That’s when it dawned on Robinson—if she was feeling this way, then others probably were, too.

“That’s when, [in 2014], I decided to come up with my non-profit titled Born to Rise,” she said. “I get people to come out and share their stories on overcoming their own adversities in the hopes that it will inspire somebody going through a similar situation, and just send out the message that they’re not alone.”

For the last three years, Robinson has held an annual event also called Born to Rise, where she invites speakers to come share the story of their personal struggles to inspire others. The show also includes dancing, singing and spoken word performances.

“It’s an evening of inspiration,” said the young activist.

Robinson is also a public speaker, and often visits elementary schools to educate young children about vitiligo.

In addition to her other projects, Robinson works as a model with Kill Management, a Montreal-based agency. She said she wants people to know that no matter how different you are from a “typical model,” you can still make it in the industry.

“I just want to be a representative for all my fellow vitiligo-ins, and just anybody out there who thinks they can’t do it—I want to be living proof,” she said.

Robinson said she is very proud of how far she has come since she was first diagnosed with vitiligo. “Aiesha eight years ago until about four years ago was somebody who was insecure, not confident, who was sad … but I always put up a front,” she said. “Aiesha today is genuinely happy—I look forward to the future. Before, I didn’t because I didn’t know where I was going with my life.”

Now, she said vitiligo is her purpose, and she is not afraid to put herself out there anymore. “I know where I’m going, where I want to go—I have a vision now. Before I didn’t,” she said. These goals include continuing to educate people about what vitiligo is, and inspiring others to overcome the obstacles in their own lives. “I’m just happy, I’m just so self-loving and I think that’s the greatest gift of all: to be able to be happy in my own skin.”

This year’s Born to Rise event will be held at Westmount High School on Saturday, April 22 at 7 p.m. Tickets for the Born to Rise show are $20 for general admission, and $10 for students. Doors open at 6 p.m.

Categories
Student Life

My personal experience having a YouTube channel

Graphic by Thom Bell

How YouTube taught me life skills and how to be confident

I started my YouTube channel four years ago. In the beginning, the purpose was basically to post random music video covers of some of my favourite songs. Now, my YouTube channel has evolved and completely shifted focus—I now film and post videos about beauty, food as well as lifestyle-type videos. I’ve also recently started filming videos of my travel getaways and story-time videos. I plan on expanding on more aspects of myself for others to see.

When I started out, I was definitely nervous about filming videos and having them posted on a platform as big as YouTube. However, I knew that, if anyone could do it, I could. I’ve always had the courage in me to do anything I want. I’ve never really been afraid of what other people think.

However, I faced some disapproval when I first started out. My mom and sister judged me for the videos I posted on my channel. They called them stupid and useless. For a while, I felt discouraged about this negative feedback. Recently, I saw insulting comments posted on my videos. I deleted them and pretended they never existed. Of course, deep down, it hurts.

When you film videos and post them online, you need to be prepared for any comment that may come your way—the good, the bad and the ugly. You need to shrug off the hateful comments and keep moving forward. This is my current mindset for my YouTube journey, and it feels good. I have gained enough self-trust and confidence through YouTube— I know I am doing this for nobody else but me.

My YouTube channel means a lot to me. It’s the place where I can truly express myself with people around the world. Filming videos has definitely boosted my confidence. I can see myself evolving and becoming more “social” online by reaching out to people from all over. It makes me feel free to say and do whatever I want.  It has also helped me practice speaking aloud and in front of a camera. These skills translate well in my academic life. My channel has also forced me to be more socially-active with friends and when meeting or talking to strangers.

I also like the idea of helping people through my YouTube videos. I want to be a role model for others. Making these videos has made me want to help others overcome the same struggles I’ve dealt with in my life, including bullying and issues with self-image. I also want my YouTube channel to be a light, fun environment where I can also post funny skits, travel adventures and videos about makeup.

If you’re thinking about starting a YouTube channel, be yourself and do not be afraid to express yourself and branch out. This will help you develop a thick skin and ignore hateful comments because, at the end of the day, you are doing what makes you happy. There are always going to be people online hating on your channel, but use it as motivation to make your content better and take more risks through your videos. As Walt Disney once said: “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.”

Graphic by Thom Bell

Categories
Opinions

Feeling dreadful about our bodies

Graphic by Thom Bell

Body shaming is an omnipresent form of bullying enforced by the media

“Is it my fault? How could it not be my fault?”    

This stream of thought has run through my mind many times, pushing me to rigorously restrict myself and give in to unhealthy eating habits.

2017 has not failed to remind me of my poor diet. Several gym ads have already started to stress me out by guilting me into working out and get my beach body underway.

This constant reminder and underlying guilt is experienced daily by many. It is what I like to call “passive body shaming.” It occurs when the media perpetuates an ideal, often unattainable body type via commercials and advertising, in turn making you feel bad or guilty of your own appearance. This form of bullying takes many shapes and can have a serious physical and psychological consequences . Body shaming is highly common in schools, the workplace and public spaces. It affects individuals who don’t think they meet beauty standards established by the media. There is often a double standard—women are judged more often and earlier in life than men, according to a study conducted by the Rudd Center for Food Policy of Connecticut University.

Beauty standards shaped by the media play an important role in how we see ourselves, and the standards are different depending on where one comes from, their culture, or their gender. The first time I experienced fat shaming was in junior high when I moved to a new town. At the time, what led the bullies to lash out was the environment. This rich Parisian suburb had a different standard of beauty and body image compared to the countryside where I was originally from. My body was rather buff, from years of rock-climbing and snowboarding, whereas my female classmates were thin and gentle-looking.

It’s not only the students who are bullying, as the Rudd Center study states. They are also teachers, parents, colleagues, superiors and strangers who create daily stress and insecurity for many. While some perpetrators might use body shaming to motivate the targeted individual to lose weight, it often has the opposite effect. In fact, body shaming lead to induced anxiety and depression, as well as binge eating and embarrassment of exercising, according to the New York Times.

From my own experience facing judgement from strangers and the dirty looks I have gotten when I was eating by myself has forced me to be more self-conscious while I snack. I remember being told: “Maybe if she didn’t eat so much she would look better.”

For years, the media, strangers and classmates have shaped my vision of the perfect body type. Their so-called “helpful” comments, including the generic “just take smaller quantities,” “exercise more” or the great “you just need to control yourself,” have done more harm than good.

Today, if someone asks me what kind of body type I would ideally want, I will mention Korean pop idols for their slender bodies. My own standard of beauty has been incredibly influenced by the media, and it is also a standard that is physically unattainable. To overcome body shaming, one needs to be confident and practice self-love. Ending the constant competition and comparison regarding body types will empower and tighten communities.

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