Tag: romance

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A trashy student reviewing a trashy show

Reality television is trash

That being said, there is a huge market for it, and it usually reflects what the people want.

The beloved “Bachelor’s” market profits off viewers watching attractive people “fall in love.” Although this show has remained popular, it’s clearly not checking all the boxes.

Netflix has jumped on the idea that unlike what we see on “The Bachelor,” people want authentic, less superficial love. That’s tricky for reality television, but alas they have tried to take it on, in the new reality T.V. show “Love is Blind.”

“Love is Blind” is a show where contestants talk to eligible bachelors and bachelorettes through opaque pods, in hopes to find their true love without actually seeing them. For the sake of this article, we are going to skip over the fact that every contestant is extremely attractive, every woman is wearing a full face of makeup despite not being seen and we are mostly only exposed to heterosexual desires because if we unpack that, I will get a migraine. A grain of salt … we are taking this with a grain of salt.

Before I continue, I would just like to admit that I am not a huge fan of reality television. I never understood the point of “Jersey Shore” or “Keeping Up with The Kardashians” (and, I feel like I may have just lost some readers). So, that being said, I am definitely not here to review the show. There are many more qualified pop culture experts who would do a better job than me. I do, however, want to look at why a show like this exists, and why dating in 2020 is always framed as a nightmare.

Is it really necessary for us to delete our Tinder apps and head to Atlanta, Georgia to find true love through an opaque wall? Is this really where we’re at, team?

The other day I asked my grandfather why he married my grandmother. He told me that she was smart, pretty and nice. They dated, and he thought, wow—smart, pretty and nice, let’s get married. My grandmother, of course, can tell you the exact shoes my grandfather was wearing on their first date, and how the hand-me-down button-up white shirt he had on was just a smidge too small. She just knew he was the right guy. A simpler time, right?

When I think about dating in the past, I always feel like it was easier. Wasn’t it just flowers, phone calls and drive-in movies? No texting, getting ghosted, emojis and definitely no swiping. What a dream.

Except that’s not necessarily fair. As society evolves and changes, so do relationships.

Dating apps get a bad rep, and I can tell you from experience they can be quite draining and discouraging. This being said, the world of online dating is complex. I mean listen, guys, some of my best friends are on the apps. Do you know how damn lucky you would be to swipe on them?

I think to completely write off online dating as a concept is quite difficult. Instead of hating on the apps completely, like the hosts on “Love is Blind” (even though it’s good marketing), we might benefit from a more productive conversation surrounding this dating strategy.

There’s something that smells pretentious to me when people say they would rather meet organically and not on the apps.

I mean, of course, it would be nice to have a smart guy come up to you on the metro, ask you about the feminist literature you were reading, take you out for coffee and spend it talking about how he has 2 sisters and loves his mom. But, as we ask our Google Homes to tell us the weather, and we shove two white plastic headphones that don’t even have a string in our ears, isn’t this just, like, the future? Isn’t finding someone on an app not that crazy, considering everything else we do using technology?

I know I’m oversimplifying the dark world of online dating, but I really just want to talk about the stigma. It’s okay to be vulnerable and try the apps, delete them 16 times and then redownload them—I think it is just part of our 2020 story.

There’s also space for you to disagree with me. I’m not even sure if I agree with me, it really depends on the week. Love isn’t one thing. It’s wonderful, devastating, exhausting and may very well include a little swiping.

Dating is hard at the end of the day, and “love being blind” is just a cheesy song lyric. 

 

Graphic by Sasha Axenova

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Student Life

My first Valentine’s Day as a single girl

Photo by Britanny Clarke

It’s that time of the year again: chocolate hearts and Hershey’s kisses galore. Overwhelming pink and red confetti in that wretched drugstore aisle when all you wanted to do was buy conditioner. The looming stuffed animals that somehow lose their balance on shelves and end up falling on your head. What? I’ve seen it happen. 

You guessed it—it’s Valentine’s Day! 

I was never a big fan of the praised “V-Day.” In fact, I always avoided it like the plague. Probably because, up until I was 18, I had no one to celebrate it with. My “relationships” or whatever you can call two-week-to-30-day-long makeout sessions, always seemed to fizzle out before that day would come. 

The first time I celebrated Valentine’s Day, I have to admit, was quite sweet. Roses on my doorstep, a box of chocolates under my boyfriend’s arm and a little black dress waiting for me with a note that said “wear this tonight”—a scene straight out of a movie, I tell ya. 

However, the following years were not as special for a number of reasons. 

The “holiday” would often sneak up on me, and I would grunt at the thought of having to clear my schedule for it. Plus, when you work in a restaurant, most of the time, your weekends/nights aren’t your own—especially on holidays.

Valentine’s Day had to be either a few days earlier or later than the initial date. It started to feel like an inconvenience more than a celebration of love. Both of us would get mad if the other didn’t put in the effort. Suffice to say, Valentine’s Day wasn’t our favourite—neither of us would admit it though. 

Our last Valentine’s together was last year, and I was working on the actual day. Long story short, the relationship was no more a month later—for many reasons. 

Now it’s 2020, and your girl is single again—and I still hate the day with a passion. Walking into a Dollarama, Pharmaprix, or Jean Coutu always irks me—what was up with all the pink and red when it was only January?! They take down Halloween decorations a day after Oct. 31, while Valentine’s day seems to drag on two weeks after Feb. 14. I get that it’s a day to celebrate love—but do y’all have to be so loud and obnoxious about it? 

Yeah, yeah, I can hear everyone screaming at me to leave people alone and let them celebrate. I didn’t say otherwise, but I’ve always been averse to this holiday because—and call me a boomer or whatever—in my opinion, Valentine’s day should be every day. 

The stress that comes with it, whether you’re single or in a relationship, is just too much. If you’re single, you’re a lonely spinster who can’t do love right no matter how hard you try. If you’re in a relationship and life gets in the way of your celebrations, you’re a terrible partner! And the ones who don’t care for it are simply heartless. 

I’ve been single for almost a year, and most of the time it’s been great. During the holidays, I will admit, a little pang of loneliness did hit; Christmas time and New Year’s Eve were the worst. For some reason, most of my friends are in relationships, dating, or stuck in the in-between phase of our wonderful hookup culture. In all cases, they’ve all got something going on, while I’m watching Sex and the City reruns.

Therefore, I propose a motion: for Valentine’s Day to be cancelled, and a second Halloween to take its place! 

Photo by Britanny Clarke

Categories
Student Life

The art of being single: Expectations

Graphic by Loreanna Lastoria

Why do people have so many expectations? 

If you’ve been following along since the beginning, or if you know me in real life, then you know that I used to use dating apps to try to find ~the love of my life~. I would spend hours upon hours swiping left and right, matching with many strangers, chatting with some of them, getting further than simple small talk with only a handful. I’d get attached to two or three, spending countless days and/or weeks talking to them on the daily, hoping that one of them, nay, expecting that one of them would be “the one.”

Extreme? Perhaps—at least I’ve acknowledged it and learned from my past, right? But even without the perhaps extreme nature of my previously delusional thinking, expectations in the dating world, well in general, are real and they are a cause for unnecessary stress, dissatisfaction and disappointment.

Why do people have so many expectations of another person? Why is there this idea that if you’re attracted to someone, you have to date or hook up immediately to satiate your innate, primal hunger? Why does so much time have to be dedicated, especially right at the start, to spending every minute of every day talking to them, getting to know them, seeing if they’re worthy, or even worth being with at all? Why is it that, if you like someone so much that there’s undeniable, palpable tension that can be seen from a mile away, you have to consider everything else: school, work, family, friends, etc.? Why do expectations rely on the circumstances you’re in?

If you find yourself attracted to someone, if you want to get to know them more, if you want to maybe even end up dating them, just go with the flow. The more expectations you put on yourself, on others and on situations, the more you put on the line and the more you risk losing or messing up.

Just talk, take things easy, hang out—with no expectations. I’ve learnt it and I’m here to pass my wisdom (lol) along to you all. Live life with an idea of what you want—I’m not saying you should abandon your goals/dreams/aspirations for the end goal—but be willing to go with the flow, to take things in stride and live with no (at least less) expectations for the journey to get there.

Graphic by Loreanna Lastoria

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Opinions

We have to stop romanticizing serial killers

For decades, serial killers such as Ted Bundy, Jeffree Dahmer and Charles Manson have fascinated the minds of many people, but some take their interest in true crime too far.

Obsessed people often find themselves on Tumblr in a “True Crime Community,” an online space made up of mainly women who venerate killers and school shooters.

They show their obsession by creating collages of serial killer pictures in typical Tumblr style: pictures of them juxtaposed with flower crowns and transparent stickers that say “fab,” “okay wow” and other sayings that definitely do not go with men who murdered, raped, and hurt so many innocent people. These collages were very popular back in 2014-15, and this fandom has only grown and moved across different social media platforms over the years. It has recently invaded Tik Tok, with point of view videos where someone pretends to “kill” the viewer.

Last year, as reported by Kelly Weill in The Daily Beast, Brein Basarich, under the taking-lives username, was calling mass murderer Dylann Roof “precious” and threatened to kill bystanders at a club or bar – a public place she described as having a single entrance and exit. She was arrested following her threats, along with two other serial killer fans from Ohio. This proves how some don’t think of these people as criminals, but as heroes and rockstars; it shows that this extreme obsession is dangerous and harmful.

It has to end, for the sake of safety.

If you think that this is awful and not very normal or healthy, you’re not wrong. In fact, this sort of behaviour is known as hybristophilia, which is described as an “attraction to those who commit crimes,” according to the APA Dictionary of Psychology. This philia often pushes women specifically to reach out to incarcerated criminals – it is more common in women than men, according to Mark D. Griffiths on Psychology Today.

Fan mail was sent quite often to Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Jeffree Dahmer and Richard Ramirez, who were all famous killers during the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s.

There are two types of hybristophilia: passive and aggressive. Passive hybristophiliacs excuse the horrifying acts that the killer committed, believing that they can change those criminals, and that they would never hurt them despite being murderers. People who exhibit this type of hybristophilia often don’t have any desire to commit crimes. Aggressive hybristophiliacs are likely to commit horrendous acts along with their criminal significant other, who often manipulate them. 

One of the biggest issues with this twisted admiration for criminals is that hybristophiliacs forget lives were taken and destroyed as a result of those crimes. Sexualizing these monsters disrespects victims and their mourning families. Family members suffer enough following the loss of someone they love and deserve better than seeing people discrediting the wickedness of these men, and sexualizing them.

No, random person on tumblr, you can’t help someone who wants to kill another human being, unless you’re a psychologist, which I doubt you are. 

Next time, before sexualizing a serial killer, remember all of the lives they took and how many people they hurt during their lifetime. There’s a reason they went to jail and it wasn’t to receive your love letters.

Feature graphic by @sundaeghost

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Uncategorized

The art of being single

Graphic by Loreanna Lastoria

I debated sharing this with everyone, with however many strangers and my mom (hi mom) are going to read this, but I think there’s a valuable point to my story, so just hear me out.

This is the first summer in about four years that I wasn’t on a dating app. That doesn’t seem like a very big deal and, in theory, it isn’t. But when you spent many years on and off dating apps trying to find someone you connect with, I guess it kind of is.

In the first issue of The Art of Being Single for 2019-20, I wrote about how I’m a go-getter in all aspects of my life, dating and love included. All my time on dating apps over the last few years have been to potentially find someone I would maybe spend my life with (big claim, yes I know, but it does happen!)

If you’ve been following along with my column, or if you know me in real life, you know that my search over the years has been futile. Sure, I’ve spoken to and gotten to know a lot of cool, interesting people, but also some people that, looking back at now, I wish I hadn’t invested so much of my time in.

I’m not going to say that I necessarily regret spending so much time on dating apps over the years, because every single one of those people (and trust me, there’s been a lot, all who’ve eventually ghosted) have moulded me into who I am today. Each person has left me with memories, with inside jokes I still laugh at sometimes, with things that remind me of them in everyday life. They’ve all helped me know what I want and don’t want, what I like and dislike, how to maneuver through the world of dating. All of these people have shaped my view on the dating world and made me into who I am today.

So, this was the first summer in a long time that I wasn’t on a dating app. It was the first time in a long time that I wasn’t wasting my time swiping left and right, updating my profile to sound interesting, engaging in conversations with people that would end up ghosting at the end. This was the first summer that I wasn’t completely engrossed by my phone looking at profile after profile trying to look for love.

This summer, I felt free. And you should try it sometime too.

 

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Opinions

The art of being single

graphic by @sundaeghost

Goodbye for now

To my dearest readers (you know it’s going to be cheesy from here on out), the time has come for me to say goodbye—but only for now!

These last few months, I’ve shared my thoughts, experiences and feelings with you about being single and trying out the dating scene. While it’s been a little scary to put it all out on the line for all those who read this, it’s also been quite a cathartic experience. In case some of you didn’t notice, I don’t actually have my life together; this column was as much of a learning and comforting experience for me as it was for you.

On that note, hopefully I’ve comforted some of you with the fact that you’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you when shit hits the fan or when things fall through. At the end of the day, it’s all about being okay with yourself and knowing that you’re a badass person. Someone somewhere, one day, will be lucky to be with you. But until then, remember that being in a healthy relationship with yourself is the most important thing, and that being single doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving or that you’ll never find someone.

As I always say, things may suck for a bit—sometimes for a while—and it might seem like an eternity, but it never lasts. With summer (finally!) almost here, take these few months to try out the dating scene, continue meeting new people, fall in love, get your heart broken, break someone’s heart—but try to be gentle when you do it. Heck, you can even say ‘screw it’ and live your best single life!

In the end, the most important thing to remember is that no matter what happens, good, bad or nothing at all, just make an art of being single, because it won’t last forever.

Graphic by @sundaemorningcoffee

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Opinions

How to be a happy romantic in a hookup culture

graphic by Ana Bilokin

One student’s experience with romance and realizing why it begins when you stop partying

It took years for me to realize that it’s possible to be a happy romantic in a hookup culture. And it all started in April 2017, when I made the conscious decision to stop partying.

Throughout my years of partying, I surrounded myself with hookup enthusiasts who constantly told me that my romantic aspirations were juvenile. They warned that I was “too serious” for my own good, and a big part of me believed them. YOLO and FOMO smothered my brain like thick cobwebs. I wanted to experience the euphoric young adulthood talked about in all those hype dance songs, and portrayed in all those badass Hollywood movies. Consequently, I became desperate to emancipate my heart from emotion.

I wanted to go out and dance with cute guys, without caring whether they asked for my name. If they asked for my name, I wanted to answer without hoping they’d ask for my number too. If they asked for my number, I wanted to flirt without expecting the conversation to blossom into something more meaningful. I failed miserably. Every time a cute guy would prove that his interest in me was purely physical, I’d feel a pang of disappointment deep in my belly. Every time a crush flirted with other girls the way he flirted with me, I’d feel a punch of rejection bruise my heart.

Hookup culture was crushing my inner romantic and the desire I had to find someone legit. At the time, however, I didn’t see it that way at all. I resented the pain, and told myself it was proof that I desperately needed to get a handle on my emotions. When I stopped partying though, I was no longer under the influence––not of friends, of alcohol, or of hookup culture. I was able to weed out anxieties and facades that I kept having to live up to while in the skin of a social butterfly.

Without a shadow of a doubt, abandoning nightlife was integral to my confidence as a romantic person. It was step one along a path that, almost two years later, led me to a wellspring of happiness and peace. I do not believe I would’ve been able to access this wellbeing had I continued partying.

We live in a culture that constantly encourages us to believe that we can be anything. And in some ways, that’s inspiring. However, too many millennials are trying to transcend desires that they’d be better off embracing: feelings of wanting more from one person intellectually, emotionally, and romantically. It saddens me to think that I ever villainized my desire for loyalty. I bought into pop culture’s highly manipulative lie, which says that the happiest young people are those who are down for anything, anywhere, with anyone.

If you’re a romantic millennial, I urge you to tread cautiously in environments that propagate hookup culture. These scenes will trick you into believing that you’re your own worst enemy. But in the words of inspirational speaker Alexander Den Heijer, “When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” If in your heart you are hoping to meet somebody special, the dance floor isn’t so much a place of freedom as it is a vortex that forces you to be something you are not.

To my fellow romantics: I can confidently assure you that none of those parties will go down as the best nights of your life. Conversely, they’re liable to endanger your happiness, and demotivate you from seeking the loyal relationship you deserve. Your person is out there, but they’re not waiting for you in a room that ridicules the real you.

Graphic by Ana Bilokin.

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Opinions

The art of being single

Accepting not knowing why you’ve been ghosted

You’re single. Then, you connect with someone. You spend hours pouring yourself out to them. You allow yourself to get attached. Everything is fine and dandy and it seems like it’s finally headed somewhere serious. Then it’s suddenly over. And it’s time to move on—or at least try to.

I understand how difficult it is to give up on someone after investing so much time and energy, and losing sleep over building a relationship. It hurts to see it all go to waste. A connection you thought was mutual collapsed to a ghost of what it almost was. If you’re lucky, the person told you they weren’t interested anymore. But most of us aren’t so lucky: we get ghosted instead.

To the person who ghosted: I get it. The person you were talking to wasn’t living up to your expectations, or they gave you a red flag, or life just got really damn busy and you couldn’t handle something (someone) else. But while people don’t owe you shit in life, there is a minimum expectation. While it’s easy to just ghost someone you’re no longer interested in, it also makes you an entitled jerk. If you’ve ever ghosted someone, have you stopped to think about the consequences of your actions?

Being ghosted by someone you’ve developed feelings for is the worst. There’s a sinking feeling in your chest and your heart drops to the pit of your stomach. You try to wrap your head around it: Did something happen to them? Are they okay? Eventually though, these logical thoughts start imploding. You start thinking it was your fault. Was it something I said? Something I didn’t say or do? What’s wrong with me?

The problem is that you just don’t know. You could spend days, weeks or even months wondering if the reason someone ghosted you was your fault. While I can sit here and say it isn’t, the truth is I’ve been in that position of being ghosted and trying to understand why. And now, there’s nothing I can say other than you eventually get used to it and you are able to recover faster when it inevitably happens again. But sadly, nothing will ever soften the blow of being ghosted.

 

Categories
Music

Champion hits the stage at Opera de Montreal

Griffith feels the horror of his devastating knockout win. Photo by Yves Renaud

Jazz meets romance and controversy in Canadian Premiere of Champion

“I kill a man and the world forgives me. I love a man, and they want to kill me.”

While many know the opera to be the platform for musical renditions of traditional works such as The Phantom of the Opera and The Barber of Seville, Champion delves into more modern themes, such as sexuality and immigration.

In its Canadian Premiere, Champion, which is based on a true story, recounts the life of prizefighting welterweight champion Emile Griffith. Griffith was born in St. Thomas, of the U.S. Virgin Islands, but immigrated to the U.S. in the 1950s as a teen in search of a better life. He had a deep desire to reconnect with his estranged mother, who left for America on her own. As well, Griffith dreamed of becoming a singer, baseball player, and hat designer hooked in by the American dream. Griffith worked in a hat factory before being introduced to the world of boxing after the factory manager noticed his physical potential.

Griffith saw major success in the sport, though the fame and money did not come without its troubles. As his popularity grew , Griffith was was ushered into a new world. The newfound attention and stardom he faced brought him to terms with the feelings he attempted to suppress—even from himself. Though, after accidentally killing an opponent in the ring—one who taunted his presumed sexuality pre-fight—Griffith’s inner demons began to reveal themselves.

“It isn’t the opponent you wanted to kill, it’s yourself,” said Griffith during a flashback scene to his younger self.

Throughout Champion, Griffith is portrayed by three different actors, each of whom are present in different scenes of the opera’s non-linear plot. Griffith as a child, adult, and senior, illustrate the protagonist at different integral stages of his life. Young Griffith demonstrates the molding of the prizefighter as a child in St. Thomas; Griffith as an adult     highlights his battles with his sexuality and fame; Griffith as an old man represents the consequences of his profession, as his dementia begins to set in.

Griffith with his wins—though he is lost. Photo by Yves Renaud

As the opera unfolds, Griffith as an old man appears in various scenes, speaking to his younger selves in a one-way manner: he can hear them, but they cannot hear him. This creative way of carrying out flashback scenes demonstrated Champion’s thoroughly well-thought-out plot.

The opera’s music was composed by the Grammy Award-winning jazz trumpeter, Terence Blanchard. With a smooth blend of jazz and blues, the production’s musical aspect embodies all the events that unravel and the emotions that go along with them.

The production’s cast expertly brought Griffith’s trials and tribulations to life, both musically and theatrically. Their unwavering vocal performances and hypnotically realistic acting transformed the 2h25min show into what felt more like an explanation of Griffith’s life than a musical dramatization.

Aside from the actual performance by the cast, a theatrical production’s technical aspects share equal importance in making the show. Though, Champion’s technical expertise clearly shined through in its execution. Two jumbo vertical screens on either side of the stage displayed different images and designs throughout, adding to the precise, yet creative, props and set design.

Together, they set the ambience for each of the opera’s scenes, whether it was a boxing fight or at the nightclub Griffith frequented. Paired with crisp set changes, the combination of the digital and traditional aspects of the set transformed Salle Wilfrid-Pelletier into Griffith’s world.

With the themes of immigration and sexuality arguably more relevant today than ever before, Champion is an opera that, aside from its great execution musically, technically, and theatrically, is a contemporary representation of the future of opera.

Champion has three more showings with the Opera de Montreal on Jan. 29, 31, and Feb. 2. Tickets are available for purchase on the Opera de Montreal website.

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Opinions

Mourning the death of traditional courtship

Graphics by Florence Yee.

This Feb.14 enjoy the anti-valentine manifesto

The wind howls uncontrollably as my hands go numb from wandering the dark and desolate streets of the Old Port. There’s not a single soul in sight, for this arctic climate cannot support any life.

Graphics by Florence Yee.

The bitter frost finally gets to me, so I make my weekly pilgrimage to a small café in order to warm up and gather my thoughts. Sitting inside the cozy establishment, I drink my black coffee and observe a young couple across the room on a date.

Like a scientist observing a new species, I analyze their behavior with fervor. They barely speak to one another and seem concentrated on their mobile phones, glancing at each other every so often to show an Instagram picture.

The only minute sign of a connection seems to be the occasional arm rub or leg glance from underneath the table.

I finish my coffee quickly and want to puke.

Existential thoughts flood my mind and I soon come to the realization that, in 2016, romance is truly dead.

We’re living in a modern world where our deities have become Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, and have lost the ability to profess our genuine affection for one another if it’s not on social media.

I leave the café and begin to trace the death of modern romance, with all signs first pointing to the advent of dating apps.

Graphics by Florence Yee.

Yes I’m referring to mainly Tinder and the other nefarious apps in the same vein. They’ve turned the dating world into a child’s game with humans being disposable and infinite.

The app was launched in 2012 and has grown in popularity in the past few years, and almost instantly became a cultural sensation. It has amassed almost 50 million active users and is available in 26 languages, according cnbc.com.

With users swiping left or right on each profile, the main focus of the app is geared towards general esthetics rather than personality or interests. If someone doesn’t like your photo, it’s on to the next one.

To make matters worse, a new report by fastcompany.com revealed that Tinder has created several algorithms that essentially rate your desirability. That means all users have been placed on a hierarchical list that scores mainly their level of physical attractiveness.

Graphics by Florence Yee.

No wonder romance is dead; we all are just rating each other while an algorithm is doing the same to us—how ironic. There’s little investment needed and a plethora of matches that will always pop up onscreen.

I should also mention that I have tried these apps. At first, I enjoyed the attention from complete strangers paying me compliments, but ultimately I felt judged like a piece of meat simply on the basis of my photos.

Many users as well were simply looking for casual sex, something that Tinder has easily facilitated. It’s so stress-free nowadays to find someone to have a one-night stand with.

The traditional methods of doing this before the apps would require going out into the real world and searching out an individual at a bar or club, yet nowadays you can do it from home in your bed.

There’s nothing wrong with casual sex as long as it’s consensual and protected, but this virtual dating world definitely takes out the romantic aspect of sex and intimacy.

We cannot forget Valentine’s Day either, the only day of the year when it’s socially acceptable to vomit our suppressed romantic emotions onto our partners while having to buy tons of materialistic goods.

A recent report by the National Retail Federation revealed that Americans are estimated to spend more than US$19.7 billion on Valentine’s Day related items. Most of these purchases made in the days leading up to the corporate holiday will be chocolate, flowers and jewelry.

The same report revealed that six million people are planning to propose this year, with an estimated US$4.4 billion being spent on diamonds alone.  

We peasants are clearly suckling the teat of the She-wolf—and are buying into this bogus capitalist propaganda.

Bitter I may be, but it’s really hard to see any genuine examples of modern day romance, and with Valentine’s Day coming up, it’s just a reminder how society has taken such a dark turn towards a dark and hollow reality.

Categories
Student Life

You can’t spell ‘true love’ without TV

Graphic by Jennifer Kwan

Last August, (500) Days of Summer star Joseph Gordon-Levitt gave an interview in Playboy magazine where he briefly discussed the outlook of Tom Hansen, the character he played in the 2009 indie film.

“He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies. […] That’s not healthy. That’s falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person.”

We’ve all known at least one friend like this, the hopeless romantic with unrealistic expectations who sighs after watching The Princess Bride for the tenth time. They are constantly searching for the one who meets their long list of criteria, who will perfectly complement their own life and make them ‘whole.’ They talk of ‘Prince Charmings’ and girls who ‘really get them,’ citing Friends or The Notebook as perfect examples of ‘true love.’

These poor souls obviously have their heads in the clouds, but does that mean these hopeless romantics are setting themselves up for failure? Just how do fantasy relationships influence real life relationships?

A recent study from Albion College in Michigan asserts that, as a matter of fact, people who believe that television romances are portrayed realistically do handle relationships very differently, and in exactly the way you’d expect.

Researchers questioned 392 married individuals on their television viewing habits, as well as their belief in the realism of television portrayals.

According to the study “When TV and Marriage Meet: A Social Exchange Analysis of the Impact of Television Viewing on Marital Satisfaction and Commitment,” individuals who spent more time watching romantic themed fare and had a higher than average belief in their plausibility had “lower marital commitment, higher expected and perceived costs of marriage, and more favourable perceptions of alternatives to one’s current relationship.”

The research showed that people who believe in these unrealistic portrayals tend to focus on the negative aspects of their relationship, such as their partner’s unattractive qualities and the loss of personal time and freedom that comes with sharing a life with someone else.

So, are couch potatoes more likely to be hoping for a manic pixie dream girl or sensitive jock than those with less time spent watching the small screen?

“Heavy television watching itself is not a particularly good predictor of these attitudes,” said Dr. Jeremy Osborn, a communications professor at Albion College and the author of the study.

Rather, what seems to be more important is how a person reacts to what they see on the screen.

“It seems that factors such as a person’s relational experience might affect the ways in which he or she processes the information they see on TV,” said Dr. Osborn, in an interview with scienceomega.com. “For example, adolescents who have little personal experience of their own are probably going to be more affected by TV portrayals.”

He refers to a 2006 study by Eileen Zurbriggen and Elizabeth Morgan who researched the associations between young adults and reality dating programs. They discovered that those who tuned in to this genre of television were less experienced in the sexual department. Furthermore, they identified men as being more likely than women to use reality dating programs as a learning outlet rather than just for entertainment purposes.

“It’s easy to see how adolescents and others with little experience might be more likely to see TV as a learning tool and to thus be impacted by what they watch,” said Dr. Osborn.  “Individual-level factors like these seem to be where researchers should look next.  What are the individual factors that help to predict whether or not somebody is likely to believe in these portrayals?”

To come full circle, let us consider another character from (500) Days of Summer: Tom Hansen’s friend Paul, whose last line of the movie speaks volumes. When asked about his current girlfriend, Paul says that she’s “better than the girl of my dreams. She’s real.”

Categories
Music

Top Ten: Most Romantic Love Songs

10. “L.O.V.E” – Nat King Cole
Let’s start the list with Nat King Cole, legend among legends. Mr. Cole really made his mark on music as a leading jazz pianist. In this song, he cleverly assigns a lyric to each letter of the word “love.” It’s been at the top of love song charts since its release.
Best lyric: “Two in love can make it / take my heart and please don’t break it / Love was made for me and you.”

9. “Home” – Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
This one may be a little unknown, but I promise an earful of joy and an instantaneous love life if you sing this to someone on Valentine’s Day. With a bit of western flare, the chorus makes the song No. 9 on the most romantic list.
Best lyric: “Home is whenever I’m with you.”

8. “With or Without You” – U2
U2 is one of my favourite bands, but their best song—one that has travelled the world, with couples in love arrogantly calling it “our song”—has to be “With or Without You.” The song recounts how a man who is deeply in love has to be with you—if not, life is impossible. Guys, you know what do come Valentine’s Day.
Best lyric: “My hands are tied / my body bruised, she’s got me with / nothing to win and / nothing else to lose.”

7. “Your Song” – Elton John
This is the perfect song to dedicate to someone as the big day approaches. Elton John captures the essence of what love is. He originally wrote this song and dedicated it to his father, due to the fact that they had problems because of Elton’s homosexuality. Since then, it’s become one of the most romantic songs out there.
Best lyric: “I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words / how wonderful life is while you’re in the world.”

6. “Drops of Jupiter” – Train
Train has made a name for themselves as great romantic songwriters, making single girls cry all over the world, day after day. What many describe as a tender tour of the cosmos, lead singer Patrick Monahan actually wrote the song when he lost his mother, and wished, as he was mourning, that she could just “come back to the atmosphere, with drops of Jupiter in her hair.” That line also wins best lyric.

5. “Truly Madly Deeply” – Savage Garden
Romance, no matter the situation, comes hand in hand with corniness—disgusting, ugly, makes-me-want-to-puke corniness. Savage Garden captured all the corniness in the world the day they wrote “Truly Madly Deeply.” For this reason, this one definitely gets a spot on the list.
Best lyric: “I want to lay like this forever / until the sky falls down on me.”

4. “Time After Time” – Cyndi Lauper
This is where things start getting serious. This classic song took romance by storm with its sweet lyrics, and has since been taken up by other groups including Matchbox Twenty. The amazing yet simple lyric “time after time” tells you all a loved one will do for you, again and again, time after time.
Best lyric: “If you fall I will catch you–I’ll be waiting / time after time.”

3. “Something” – The Beatles
There are so many songs to choose from when it comes to one of the most amazing bands to ever walk the Earth. “Something,” however, perfectly depicts how impossible it is to live without the one you love; how there’s something about her or him that’s impossible to get off your mind. Frank Sinatra said it best when he called it “the greatest love song ever written.”
Best lyric: “Something in the way she knows / and all I have to do is think of her. Something in the things she shows me / I don’t want to leave her now.”

2. “I’ll Be” – Edwin McCain
These are words that every man wants to say to a girl one day. Yet, to describe what you can do for the girl of your dreams is something most men are nervous about. Never fear, Mr. McCain has done it for us. It’s a masterpiece of a song, and to this day, one of the greatest love songs of our time.
Best lyric: “I’ll be your crying shoulder / I’ll be love’s suicide / I’ll be better when I’m older / I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.”

1. “Maybe I’m Amazed” – Paul McCartney
Paul McCartney captures the true essence of what love is all about. It’s surprising, and at times, it can be scary. Scary to feel such a feeling for someone. Scared of getting hurt. But in the end, knowing that, no matter what, it’s all worth it. I dedicate this No. 1 to my girlfriend, and wishing all the couples out there a Happy Valentine’s Day, and a Happy I Hate Valentine’s Day to all you haters!
Best lyric: “Maybe I’m afraid of the way I love you.”

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