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Student Life

A room of their own – bachelors find make own space

Concordia Prof takes a look at design, sexuality, and politics in new publication

A new book by Concordia professor John Potvin is exploring the political links between sexuality, gender, and the spaces people carve out for themselves.

Bachelors of a Different Sort looks at six bachelors in Britain from the 1880s to the 1950s who created homes, or private spaces, different from the norm during a time when the white-bread wholesome mom-and-pop family units were all that existed.

“Things we often don’t think about is the policing of sexuality,” Potvin said, “it’s not just about bodies, but about space.”

The book explores how six bachelors, when faced with the policing of space, “carved out a space of their own,” Potvin said. “Literally, a room of their own.”

It then goes on to explore the complex relationship between how the six bachelors created their homes, how they lived in the spaces they made, and in some cases how they created a community that revolved around these spaces.

The bachelors Potvin refers to here are unmarried men. Not always gay or fitting on the spectrum of queerness, but deviants from the norm who lived a life different from the prescribed family norm of man, woman, and child.

One of the biggest issues bachelors are caught between is the double-bind of being “too” anything, said Potvin. They are accused of being too lavish or too miserly. Too sexual or too conservative.

“There is always too much of something that the bachelor was charged with doing,” said Potvin. “And so for me the seven deadly sins articulated that quite well.”

The seven deadly sins of the bachelor, according to Potvin, are queerness itself (as “bachelors are often conflated with non-ideal masculinity”), idolatry, askesis (or severe self-discipline), decadance, glamour, and artifice (otherwise known as trickery).

Potvin organises his book by looking at each sin, and the particular case study that embodies it.

The well-known Brit is introduced, explained and then explored for how and why he decorated his home.

The men in the book are not, save one, interior designers though. The book explores instead how they chose to decorate their homes and chose to function within these spaces, said Potvin.

Funded by the Social Science and Humanities Research Council of Canada, Potvin added that this book is important in the dialogue it creates.

“In the West there is a sense that life is good, and that all human rights have been obtained and safeguarded. But it’s always in these moments of supposed tolerance that one must be most vigilant,” he said.

Just look at Russia and Uganda, where anti-gay, or “hate laws,” just made legislation.

“It’s always easy to say ‘it’s always been this way,’ but it is not that simple,” Potvin said.

Design is not free of politics, and it’s not free of identity either, according to Potvin. “They’re inseparable, and that’s the bottom line,” he said.

“[I’m] using the book to look at interior design from the question of sexuality and gender, and see how they’re in these spaces, and in these objects,” said Potvin.

Bachelors of a Different Sort: Queer Aesthetics, Material Culture and the Modern Interior in Britain (Studies in Design) is available from Amazon for $91.99.

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Student Life

Let’s talk about sex

Dont be silly, wrap your willies

Safe sex – it’s a concept that has been drilled into our young malleable minds since prepubescence. Whether you practiced on bananas or watched your school nurse do a demo on a giant wooden dildo (the image of which is forever seared into my brain), most of us were well-acquainted with the how-to of condom usage well before we were ever putting one on with a partner.

And yet, in a new survey launched last week by Trojan and reported by Nerve, only 35 per cent of participating young adults who were single or in a relationship of under two years claim to always abide by the “no glove no love” mantra.

Unfortunately, this stat isn’t all too surprising.

Granted, the Trojan study did only poll heterosexual couples, which leaves out a significant segment of the sexually active demographic, but that demographic is playing with the fires of both STIs and pregnancy, so it’s still not so encouraging.

The pull-out method is statistically only 80-85 per cent effective, if we’re talking about avoiding pregnancy. As for STIs, we’re leaving ourselves wide open.

So why are we, as a generalization, so lax about condom usage? It could be that women are relying on other forms of birth control — according to sexualityandu.ca, just over half of Canadian women in their 20s use the pill. So that, at best, covers 52 per cent of young women against unwanted pregnancies, if they use the pill correctly (and let’s be honest, who hasn’t forgotten it once or twice?). It’s something, but it’s definitely not everything.

If it’s not naivety or lack of knowledge that’s stopping us from keeping everything under wraps, so to speak, what is it?  Some guys say condoms are uncomfortable, and many women and men can attest that bareback feels better. In the heat of the moment, we can’t be expected to make sound decisions, right? So is it a pleasure thing? Is it forgetfulness?

Maybe it can all be chalked up to the invincibility of youth. It’s easy to employ that “it won’t happen to me” mentality, and maybe it won’t, but the remaining 65 per cent of young adults that Trojan polled can’t all be exceptions to the rule.

Lord knows I’m not here to preach, and this study has some gaping holes in it, but we can’t neglect to see a trend here.

Whatever the reason, the most important thing is finding an answer that young adults can get on board with. Whether this be in the form of innovations in birth control (I’m looking at you, spray-on condoms and male birth control), new marketing for traditional condoms, or even a personal scare, we all need a serious change of attitude.

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Student Life

Let’s talk about sex

Ladies, love yourselves — literally

Raunchy sex stories are met with wide eyes and coy grins from most friend groups, be they male or female. Foolproof techniques or new backbreaking positions are happily discussed, each party eager to share their latest escapades.

One subject on which the female population remains relatively mum is masturbation. Usually met with choruses of “ew I don’t do that,” “that’s gross” and grimaced faces — it is one of the few sexual acts young women often feel uncomfortable discussing, even with their closest friends.

Young men rarely, if ever, experience such reservations when talking about taking their pleasure into their own hands, if you’ll excuse the pun. The differences between the two genders have been enumerated in many Cosmo articles, but no concrete answer has been given as to why this discrepancy exists. It should be underlined that it is not simply because more men do it than women, simply that fewer women are willing to talk about it.

The To Do List, a 2013 coming of age film comedy, addresses this issue in a quick exchange between the protagonist and her two best friends. When asking if the other two ever masturbate they both quickly respond with “what no, that’s gross.” When pressed further, one reveals that she only ever does it if she cannot sleep, which earns her a sideways glance from the others. The film effectively captures the social stigma around female pleasure. If delivered by another partner it is applauded, but if it’s solo, it should not be spoken about.

This stresses the notion that women are not allowed to be, or rather should not be, in control of their own pleasure. That someone should hand it to them, but never seek it out privately. Women’s bodies do not belong to them and exploring them is for other people. That being in control of your own body and pleasure is shameful and discussing it openly should be left to the boys.

The rise in scenes of solo play in pop culture has increased over the past year, and hopefully it will trickle down into conversations too. Considering  how much sex and nudity is thrust upon us on a regular basis, we have to realize that female masturbation is simply another mundane sex act. Everybody does it.

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Student Life

Exploring the raunchier side of Montreal

The three-day adult consumer show, Sexapalooza, premiered at Montreal’s Palais des congrès on Friday. Organizers were looking for a name that was sexy and fun. The definition of Sexapalooza, “a joyful, copious amount of sex” was the perfect fit, said Andrew James Lewis, floor manager of the event.

Photo by Hanna-Joy Farooq

The venue was kept dimly lit to promote an intimate vibe. Crowds gathered by the main stage to enjoy burlesque shows, erotic dancers and live bondage demonstrations. At the centre of it all were vendors eagerly showcasing their products.

In  the  seminar  room, consumers learned  about  lap  dances, Japanese bondage, sex toys, and BDSM through a variety of explanatory sessions. In the video room, consumers watched educational DVDs about the g-spot and female ejaculation, the art of oral sex, and advanced sexual gadgets provided by the  Alexander Institute—a company that produces sexuality videos for couples and singles.

The show aims to educate people on things about sex and sexuality that they normally   wouldn’t see.Through seminars, educational videos, live demonstrations and a sex museum, Sexapalooza creates an open, welcoming environment where people can truly learn, said Lewis.

“Most people find out about BDSM lifestyle through Google but it doesn’t really cover what practitioners think, whereas if they come to Sexapalooza they can go to “the dungeon,” an area where consumers can experience different sexual practices, and talk to somebody who has that lifestyle, hear what they’re saying, see what they think, and open their mind,” he added.

Sexapalooza stands out from a lot of other shows that emphasize sex more so than the relationships behind it, said Lewis.

“We tried to make it a more fun show—something that you can come to and laugh, rather than one where you come just to see everything that’s there.”

While many other shows are geared towards men, Sexapalooza is aimed at women. Although most of the paraphernalia for sale was for women, vendors also had toys for men. According to Lewis, most people are drawn to the show because they want to learn a specific thing that they saw on the website, or they’re looking for a product that they can’t find—that new, different toy.

“We have everything from paddles to bed sheets,” he said.

The organizers are constantly adding more to the show, from new banners and billboards to getting more vendors.

“If you look at some of our existing shows, like Ottawa, it’s a much larger show. This was our first year in Montreal, and it was less than we expected, but next year we plan on having it twice as big,” said Lewis.

http://www.sexapalooza.ca

Categories
Arts

In a grind, all you need is a little help from some friends

Thanks For Sharing follows the recovery process of 3 sex-addicts as they struggle with temptation

Addiction to sex seems to be a recurring theme on the minds of many film directors lately. Just consider the latest releases about sex addiction: Choke (2008), Shame (2011) and Don Jon (2013). Now, viewers can learn more about the affliction with Thanks for Sharing, which will open in theatres on Oct. 18.

The film asks poignant questions and raises some fiery issues. Centering on three men recovering from sex addictions, Thanks for Sharing is both funny and heartbreaking.

Meet Adam, Neil and Mike. Adam (Mark Ruffalo) is handsome, intelligent and five years sober. He attends meetings regularly, falls in love and seems settled. Neil (Josh Gad), an adorable doctor with frizzy black hair and a worrying love for doughnuts is a wreck; he masturbates, rubs against women on the subway, and even films up his boss’ skirt. Finally, there’s Mike (Tim Robbins), a toughened guy who acts as a sage and saviour, having successfully overcome his addictions to sex and alcohol for 15 years.

The film opens with Adam praying on his bed in the nude, and the voice-over informs the viewers: “Five years. I remember I couldn’t manage five days.”

While walking down the streets of New York on his way to work, Adam desperately tries to ignore women’s legs, tight skirts, push-up bras and the like.

But things start to look up for Adam when he falls in love with Phoebe, expertly played by Gwyneth Paltrow. The two meet at a “bug party,” where Adam skewers bugs for a barbecue (odd idea, but whatever). As Adam and Phoebe get to know each other over several dates, Adam becomes increasingly worried about telling Phoebe about his past.

Phoebe is seemingly perfect: she has overcome breast cancer, she’s training for a triathlon and eats like a bird. But, things are not as they seem. When Phoebe learns of Adam’s former addiction, she reconsiders. Issues of judgment are brought out in a fiery battle between the couple when Adam says, “Cancer gets you sympathy, addiction gets you judgement. Anyways, you think you’re normal with all that food shit and your obsession with exercise?”

As for Neil, his penchant for sex and food is hilarious to watch. When Adam asks him why he partakes in the meetings, Neil shrugs and innocently suggests, “Free bagels?” But some scenes are more serious, pointing to the fear that addiction brings about. At a meeting, a freaked-out Neil says, “The truth is I am out of control, I am scared, I need help.” Slowly but surely, Neil is helped by Adam, his “sponsor”, with a regiment of no masturbation, no internet, and no pornography.

Mike on the other hand is hard to like. When his son appears on his doorstep after years of estrangement, Mike is hardly pleased. He begrudgingly permits Danny to stay. Working on a pond or meditating in the garden, the duo seem to be reconciling until the son confronts his father about being physically abused. Mike’s character, as a role model, suddenly takes on darker colours.

The point of the movie is clear: humans get addicted to things (sex, alcohol, gaming), but they need to be trusted and helped instead of judged, inorder for them to get back on track. The best part of the film is the questions it raises: How often do we judge people based on their imperfections and why? Is Phoebe really exemplary? Do we ourselves have addictions we would like to sweep under the rug?

Thanks for Sharing will appear in theatres Oct. 18.

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Student Life

Pillow Talk: How to Deal with Drunken Friends

Have you ever been the only sober one at a party? It kinda sucks, eh? You have to make sure nothing gets broken—from your bestie’s unnecessarily high heels to her drunken heart.

All of a sudden you’re on clothes, phone and boy patrol, shielding all of your friends from involuntary hook-ups and public humiliation. Let’s face it, you love your friends and you would do anything for those crazy mother truckers, but sometimes situations can get hard to handle. Here is a list of those situations and how you can handle them without losing your cool.

What to do if your friend is:

1) Hooking up with a 4/10

Try to get her attention. This might be hard if she’s playing a hardcore game of tonsil hockey with him, but in that case, just rip her away.

The next part gets a little tricky. Tell her the guy would be better suited for a horribly lit “before” photo than Cosmo’s two-page “Most Eligible Bachelor” spread. Remind her that she can do way better. She might go on the defensive and claim you’re trying to “steal” him, but just repeat yourself and hope that some of it sinks in.

2) Stumbling around like a kitten on roller skates

If she’s wearing heels, get them off her. I know, you’re downtown, it’s dirty, who knows what she could be stepping on?! But as my mother always says, “Better a foot fungus than a broken ankle!” … or something like that. If she’s wearing flats and still can’t walk, time to put her in a cab and get her home. In order to not feel like you’re trying to manoeuvre the Leaning Tower of Pisa down the street and into a car, enlist the help of another friend. Two is better than one.

3) Blabbing like she has stocks in gossip

First, resist the urge to push her down a flight of stairs. For this one, it’s always best to confront her right then and there, and then to bring it up the next day when she is, hopefully, a bit more sober. Also, just a quick reminder ladies, “I was drunk!” isn’t a valid excuse for breaking a friend’s trust and telling all 150 party-goers that she makes music videos with her cats on Saturday nights.

4) Going to be sick

Act quickly and act subtly. If a drunken friend tells you she’s going to be sick, find the closest bathroom or discreet hiding space. Do not announce it to the rest of the party, or even to any of your other friends. Go with her, make sure she doesn’t choke or fall asleep hugging the toilet, and then get her up and cleaned off. It’s not the most glamorous part of your job, but sometimes you just have to suck it up!

There you have it—how to deal with your drunken friends. Now that you (and they) are safely home, have a glass of wine. You deserve it.

 

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News

Panties and dildos and fishnets, oh my!

Photo by Sarah Howell

In a flurry of feather boas and strobe lights, Salon de l’Amour et de la Séduction (or Everything to Do With Sex Show) set up shop at Place Bonaventure last Friday.

The three-day event catered to the sexually curious, offering body painting, body casting, massages, seminars on sexual topics, and table after table of vendors selling sex toys and lingerie.

Those feeling less vanilla could also check out the whips and bondage over in the dungeon area and watch demonstrations on topics varying from “Erotic Bondage For Lovemaking” to “Art of Sensual Spanking.”

Over at the main stage, this year’s entertainment included performances from “Queen of Burlesque” Roxi D’Lite, male exotic dancer Assassin and Spidey the hypnotist and magician.

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