Did you ever do something that you knew would turn out to be a mistake? Like sleeping with an ex or having that last Jagerbomb? You figure “meh” and ignore the potential consequences until the time comes. I knew I’d regret eating the appropriately named RIM REAPER hot wings at McKibbin’s Irish Pub, but I did it anyway.
Why? Because someone asked me to. That’s all it took. I think it may be time to revise my decision-making process.
Last Monday was the big day. I sweated in nervous anticipation for hours beforehand. See, I am the unfortunate owner of an incredibly weak stomach. One that has trouble digesting even the blandest of foods. I also have a psychological thing going on that makes it impossible for me to number two in public washrooms. So I did what was necessary; I stocked up on Pepto Bismol and made sure to secure a friend’s nearby apartment in the probable event of fire shits.
When I placed my order, Nina Fillis, my waitress, handed me a waiver and warned me not to touch my face after eating the wings. Because I am a child, her telling me to avoid facial contact pretty much guaranteed it. I was comforted by the fact that guys have it slightly worse. “We always tell them to wash their hands well before peeing,” she said, laughing. I asked Fillis if she had ever tried the wings. Without the slightest hesitation, she responded with, “Never.”
The hot wings are coated in a sauce made from the ghost chili, or the Naga Jolokia pepper (also callled Bhut Jolokia). Until recently, this Indian pepper was labeled the hottest in the world. It is now the second, but it is still over 400 times hotter than Tabasco sauce.
I stared at the wings for a while before tasting one. They looked deadly. Their spiciness tickled my nostrils. Could I even do this?
I picked one up and quickly brought it to my mouth. After taking my first bite, I was completely unimpressed. It was hot but totally doable. About a second later the pepper really kicked in. It felt as though Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat blasted one of his fireballs all over me.
Desperate for relief, I chugged nearly an entire pint of Newcastle. Sadly, the beer made everything worse. It swooshed the heat around, enabling it to burn areas it hadn’t previously reached. I then ingested several swigs of Pepto Bismol and moved onto my next wing.
I figured the second would be more tolerable than the first. After all, I knew what to expect. I was wrong. Shortly after finishing the wing, I found myself gasping for cool air. It was unbearable. I got the impression someone was holding a lighter directly up against my mouth. My lips were twice their regular size. Desperate for relief, I spread sour cream all over them. I could not even care that I looked crazy, it felt so good.
In all, I was able to eat three wings. If you can bring yourself to eat a dozen, you get to add your name to the bar’s Wall of Flame, like Folashade Balogun did. She actually took on the challenge twice, eating a total of 24 “delicious pieces” on two separate occasions.
Balogun, 27, claims she does not even prep her stomach in any way. “I’m Nigerian and we love our food spicy,” she said.
I like my food spicy too, but these wings were not simply spicy; they were hellish food flames that set my poor, defenseless body ablaze. Still, I kind of regretted not being able to finish the whole order. I thought I had let myself down.
That all changed when my stomach started torturing me the next night. It felt like a large cat was trapped in it, yowling and furiously trying to claw its way out. To make matters worse, I was nowhere near home. I had no choice but to put my public washroom fear aside and relieve myself in a gas station. A gas station. I guess I’m thankful I only ate three wings; I can only imagine what kind of fecal disaster I would have had to endure had I eaten all 12.
If you want to try these, good luck.
1. Eat 12 Rim Reaper wings.
Succeed, and you get your named added to the “Wall of Flame”
McKibbin’s Irish Pub offers the challenge any time or day of the week. The challenge will cost you $16.95 for the 12 wings but a portion of six “for curiosity” is on the menu for $9.95. To see those talented enough to make the “Wall of Flame” visit www.mckibbinsirishpub.com