Irony is the Devil

It’s gone too far. The realization hit me the other day. I was listening to the Nelly song “Over and over again.” You know, the one he did with country singer Tim McGraw:. I didn’t know if I liked the song because it was so bad, or because it was actually good.
I used to be a fan of irony, driving through the streets of Winnipeg in my buddy’s Ford Festiva, wearing a bandanna around my head and pumping Lil’ John.
One of my favorite television shows is Stella, where the writing and acting are intentionally bad and cliched (also intentionally funny). They even have a “don’t get on that plane!” scene. But it’s too much.
Take Kanye’s new album 808s and Heartbreaks for instance, with its cheesy lyrics, constant autotuner and overuse (dare I say abuse) of the TR-808. So bad it’s good? No, so bad it’s bad.
The problem is awesome things, like mustaches and rock and roll, have become ironic. Why can’t I like them because they’re actually great? Why do things have to be bad to be good?
In the recent American election I couldn’t tell if I should cheer for Barack Hussein Obama, because he was actually better; or if I should cheer for McCain-Palin because they were mavericks (read: ridiculous).
Say it ain’t so Joe, I don’t even know the difference between good and evil anymore. I think Kim Jong Il is hilarious (or “ill”). I love totalitarian propaganda and the comedy value of Hitler’s speech in “Triumph of the Will.” Too much? Big time.
It’s time to place the blame where it belongs: hipsters. That depraved, soulless, cesspool of seething sub-humans. It is they who have taken so bad, it’s good so far it’s bad, dressed in American Apparel, neon headbands and disgusting glasses. They must be stopped.
Notice how even the biggest hipsters refuse the label. Punks are proud of the punkness, Goths are downright territorial and no self-respecting hippie would deny their name. But not the hipster.
Even Vice magazine, the hipster bible, refuses to be known as such. Instead it holds up those hipsters who have gone so far that they even offend the depraved standards of Vice up for mockery as the hipster, the lowest of the low.
It is this self-delusion that runs through all of hipsterdom, the love of the bad and the hate of the good. The denial of their own reality.
It is time to say enough is enough. We must return to a simpler time when things were liked because they were good, not because they were bad. I hate to say it, but it’s time to be serious, before it is too late.